The time old tradition of sending flowers may be associated with well wishing, congratulations or the proclamation of love, however when men choose to furnish their loved one/ones with a fragrant bouquet of botanicals is rarely as plain as it seems. Forever masquerading as the simple, straight forward, uncomplicated strain of the human species, there lies a risk assessment, point scoring undercurrent to every decision a man makes, which would shock women. Well, maybe only some women. Actually, hardly any women, as most women are usually a few steps ahead in the second guessing game. For all those ladies who are still living in blissful ignorance of manipulating males, here are some illusion shattering things to look out for:
1. Persuasion. There is no such thing as a free bunch. One of the more obvious reasons, I grant you, but worth a mention anyway. Love hungry men trying to lure a mate or those who are trying to reignite passion need to flag their intentions. To send flowers may look like an innocent declaration of gentle feelings, but beware, strings will be attached.
2. Showing off. Although men have evolved from knuckle dragging primitives of yester year into modern day knuckle dragging primitives, they have failed to develop any colourful plumage. In lieu of shakeable eye-catching tail feathers or a flamboyant extendable quiff these simple-minded beasts resort to flowers, attempting to bedazzle their prey.
3. Distraction. How could a man considerate enough to send you flowers consider sending anyone but you flowers to? However, could those beautiful, fragrant roses have been sent to throw you off the scent? Always read the label. If they are simply addressed to ‘My Darling’, ‘Sweetheart’ or ‘Love Puff’, further questioning may be required.
4. Get Out Clause. So, you receive an arm full of Gladioli from your beloved, so glorious that it would make Morrissey weep with jealousy were he to unexpectedly clap eyes on it. Nevertheless, before you start swinging them round your head whilst singing ‘This Charming Man’, think. Has he, or is he planning on letting you down any time soon? Only time will tell.
5. Lazy. There’s not much to it really. Sending flowers cancels out having to waste any time or thought about what to get someone. Flowers can be ordered to and from anywhere in the world in less time that it takes to eat a doughnut. The old adage ‘It’s the thought that counts’ is true, but it is also the ‘effort’ and ‘imagination’ that counts, and will be counted.
6. Guilt. ‘Sorry’ does seem to be the hardest word and one that men feel they don’t have to bother actually saying if they have sent flowers. Avoiding the real issues and trying to curry favour with someone whom they may have wronged occasionally works. However, unless men man up and say exactly what they are sorry about, the flowers in question may count against them.
7. Love. Ok, ok. I’ll admit it. The majority of men who send flowers to their loved ones do so purely to make them happy. Crazy, I know, but in this cynical world we live in it is easy to forget that doing something to make someone feel all warm and fuzzy can in turn make the doer feel all warm and fuzzy too. So, why not start to make everything much warmer, fuzzier and if you suffer from hay fever, sneezier by buying someone they love some flowers.
