Tag: Olympics

Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Get, Be Or Stay Fat in 2012

In 2012 we have seen the London Olympic and Paralympic Games light up the World’s enthusiasm for sport and fitness. And, if you’re a bit on the tubby side, you might a bit jealous of all your friends joining up to local sports clubs and teams. Fear not though, help is at hand.

Being overweight, or the new politically friendly term ‘obese’, has never been such a pain in the arse. A shorter life expectancy and a greater risk of a heart attack are the worst of your problems. In a world where we are constantly consuming to feel content, I give you 7 reasons why you shouldn’t get fat, be fat or stay fat in 2012:

1. You can’t fit on roller coasters. Everyone loves a day out at the sea side or theme park. Well, stricter regulations on theme park rides mean that weight and high limitations, if broken, can resort in some hefty fines and penalties. You don’t want to be the one not able to fit your arse in the seat, hold up the roller coaster or be the reason why your favourite ride has stopped working do you?

2. You miss out on sports. If you can’t run then you can’t play many sports. That means a kick around in the park after work on a Tuesday is out of the question – unless you want to stand around in goal doing jack all of course? Missing out on sport means you miss out on social interaction with your friends, colleagues or family. Taking part in sports and creating memories is priceless. Sitting down on a park bench and watching is sad and depressing.

3. You can’t wear and use… The problem with being fat is that you can’t wear or use everything you want to; you may have fat fingers that stop you using an iPhone for example. Some clothes and underpants need to avoided at all costs! If you are a larger lady then you should avoid wearing revealing cloths and underwear, only your partner wants to see that. So, please, keep it in the bedroom.

4. You are not flexible. The thing about being fat is that you are just not flexible, bending over take years and walking anywhere is impossible. Sex is usually only in one of two positions and once those joints start going you are screwed for life (not literally). One final thought, have you ever seen a fat person doing yoga?

5. Dieting can be boring. When you have been used to eating MacDonald’s and chips for the best part of a decade, going on a diet can be one of the hardest things an overweight person can do. Salads will never fully satisfy your cravings and cutting out carbs is unimaginable. Frightening even. The thing about being at a happy weight is that you can enjoy the finer foods in life, like a takeaway pizza once a week and a bacon sandwich to help that Sunday morning hangover.

6. Drinking sucks. The more pounds you have, the harder it can be to get…you know, loosened up. That means drinking becomes more expensive. The bad thing about being overweight on a night out with the lads or ladies is that you may usually be the only one skint and sober, while everyone else is having all the fun. And the good thing for them is they won’t remember when they went all camp on you when the DJ stuck YMCA on. You, definitely will.

7. You will be paranoid. If you are not happy with the way you look then other people are going to notice, your confidence will be low. You will start to wear baggy clothes and change the way you look and how you do things. All these things are noticeable and potentially unavoidable when you put on weight. You won’t want to see yourself in any photos and that means a whole lot of untagging on Facebook. Eventually it’ll be easier to stay in every night. And get the takeaway menus out again…

This post was created by a skinny boy on behalf of Powerhouse Fitness a leading online retailer in gym equipment and sport nutrition.

September 6, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Staycate This Summer

1. One Expects Ones Presence At The Diamond Bash. In case you hadn’t noticed, our dear old Queenie will be celebrating 60 years on the throne next month. Now, before you start, I know what you’re going to say, ‘I couldn’t care less about the Royals. The only purpose they serve is as a honey-trap for nostalgia hungry tourists, desperate to relive the days of old, when the monarchy actually had any power.’ Yes, yes, cutting stuff, Mr Opinions. But think of it this way. The Queen is the second longest serving female monarch in HISTORY OF THE WORLD. If she manages another 3 or so years (which is likely, seeing as she has royally appointed medical care) she’ll overtake Queen Victoria and go down in the history books as an incredibly empowering female figure head. And after all, this will most definitely be the only diamond jubilee any of us will be alive to see.

2. London Hasn’t Hosted The Olympics Since 1948. And after this year, it’ll be a very long time before we get the privilege again. That’s not to say we aren’t doing a splendid job, but the financial implications of such a gargantuan privilege have run up a bill close to £24 billion. Since last summer’s riots tore the soul out of the city, a lot of time and resources have gone into restoring London’s international stage status, which is definitely worth experiencing. From the red swirly statue that looks like a blood clot to the ‘fantasticology’ wildflower meadows that run adjacent to the main stadium, London’s had the mother of all makeovers.

3. The Weather Will Get More Exciting, Honest. It’s been a year of radical weather. From the wettest drought on record to a truly unseasonable May, Brits are crying out for the lustre of an endless summer. We are most certainly overdue a hot one and, as much as I want to use words like ‘heat-wave’ and ‘scorcher’ and ‘BBQ summer,’ I can’t, yet. All I can say is this, with wet droughts and dry winters, something exciting is bound to happen. Worst comes to the worst, you’ll save money on sun cream and still have a fun-filled break at a Great Yarmouth Holiday Park.

4. The European Union Is Going, Going… Who knows what will happen, but there are half a dozen countries on the verge of financial collapse and a couple that have already taken the hit. Visitors to Greece, for example, have been told to expect regular strikes, demonstrations, a general threat of terrorism and tear gas at protests. This, in general, is nothing the UK hasn’t dealt with before (minus the tear gas) but tackling these situations in a foreign country can be very testing and dangerous.

5. Hey Shakey, It’s Your Birthday. Shakespeare is 400 this year, Dickens is 200, Bond is 50 and the world’s greatest food invention, the humble sandwich, is 250 years old. There’s a lot of celebrating to do, and us Brits certainly know how to party. In fact, we’re known for it.

6. No Passports Please, We’re British. You heard it here first. If you’re staying in the country that you live in, you don’t need a passport! Jubilation! Not only that, but you don’t have to bother with flights or packing or connections or foreign languages or delays or sunburn or shark attacks. It’s time to appreciate lovely, safe Britain with its familiar quirks, rich diversity and fantastic holiday parks.

7. Stephen Fry Told You To. ‘Why on earth would anyone want to go abroad in 2012? I mean, there are so many events all around the country…’ Well, if the English Treasure bids it, who I am to say otherwise?

May 19, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Still Visit Greece

It might be beset by strikes and economic problems but it’s still a great place to visit. Here’s why…

The Acropolis: It will be nice when it’s finished. Photo by Dan Cross.

1. It’s Cheap. It is terrible to think of Greek people struggling with lower wages and higher prices but there are some fantastic holiday offers for Britons to take advantage of by visiting Greece. Some tour operators are cutting the price of Greek holidays by up to 60 per cent. This effectively means that you can get two holidays for the price of one – if you can find anyone to travel with you.

2. Citizen Journalism Opportunities. With strikes and protests common on the streets of Athens there are plenty of fantastic opportunities for British citizen journalists to cut their teeth by recording some great front-line footage. A quick look at internet forums show that many Greek people think that reports of anarchy in their country have been greatly exaggerated. Are they right? There’s only one way of finding out…

3. To Annoy William Hague. British Foreign Secretary William Hague clearly isn’t keen on Britons travelling to Greece. In February he incurred the wrath of tour operators by announcing plans to evacuate Britons from Greece in the event of major civil unrest. Britons have never liked being told what to do and, just like Bluebeard telling his wives that they must never enter his forbidden room, discouraging us from going somewhere just excites our determination to do just that.

4. To Support Our Fellow European Nations. Even a cursory glance at the film Captain Corelli’s Mandolin shows us just how much the Greek people suffered during the Second World War. Now is the time to join together and support a fellow European nation in their hour of need.

5. To Annoy The Germans. The Germans are clearly not happy about bailing out the Greeks. Expressing support for Greece – by visiting their beautiful country – could well provoke the ire of a nation with which it has a troubled relationship (again, see Captain Correlli’s Mandolin).

6. To See Sights Of Great Sporting Importance. Greece is the cradle of sporting civilisation – this is where the Olympics began many moons ago. So British sports fans should feel very at home when visiting the ancient crumbling sites where Greek gladiators fought for their livelihood.

7. To Escape The Olympic Hype. Alternatively, if you’re a Briton who is not keen on sport and wants to escape the Olympic hype this summer then Greece is just the place to visit. Touring the ancient crumbling remains of the country offers the perfect escape route and might afford a frightening glimpse of what London’s Olympic Stadium could look like in a few years’ time!

Author Bio: James Christie writes for airport parking and hotel provider BookFHR. If you’re travelling to Greece, do so in style by booking a hotel near Gatwick for the night before your flight.

April 27, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why It’s Best To Skip The London Olympics

London 2012 Olympic Logo (via Andrea Vascellari)

1. Public Apathy. The 2012 London Olympics begins on Friday, 27th July 2012 and already excited Londoners are basing their holiday plans around this auspicious event – one in ten are planning to go on holiday during the Games to avoid them completely.^ The fact that so many of the ‘hosts’ of the competition are planning to do a runner suggests that the marathon course could be as deserted as the opening scenes of the film 28 Days Later – not a great look.

2. The Weather. There’s a reason why the Olympics are traditionally held in sunny countries. Have you ever seen an Olympics 100m final run in the pouring rain? Let’s see how fast Usain Bolt is when he’s knee-deep in smoggy water as the starting pistol fires.

3. The Logo. Now, be honest; would you stick this piece of art on your fridge door if your child brought it home from school? And for a logo which was designed to reflect the cultural diversity of the games it seems to have upset an amazingly diverse bunch of people. Iran has objected on the grounds that it thinks the logo spells out the word ‘Zion’ and a British man rang a London radio station to claim that he had suffered a seizure while watching footage on television that used the symbol. “It came up on TV and I was thinking about the 2012 Games and then I was out,” he said.

4. The Olympic Torchbearer. The quirky choice of logo raises the worrying possibility that Olympic supremo Sebastian Coe will go for a quirky choice of individual to light the flame at the opening ceremony. While Atlanta had Muhammad Ali to light the cauldron in 1996, it is a terrifying thought that Britain might opt for someone like Kriss Akabusi, Eddie ‘The Eagle’ Edwards or Zara Phillips’ new horse. Lord Coe must put modesty aside and light the torch himself!

5. Organisation. If you excuse the pun, Britain doesn’t have a great track record of organising big events recently. Anyone who remembers the Millennium celebrations will shudder at recalling a glum-looking Queen joining hands with Tony Blair to sing Auld Lang Syne. Blair himself has said that he would have “preferred a visit to the dentist” to attending the opening night of the Millennium Dome and he was the man who rubber-stamped its construction. Then there was the breakdown of the VIP train carrying guests to the ceremony, the decision that the new London Eye wheel wasn’t safe to carry passengers on the big night and Prince Phillip anxiously remarking that the acrobats swinging above his wife’s head didn’t have a safety harness.

6. The Football. Great Britain’s participation in the Olympics football tournament seems to point to a distinct lack of organisational skills. Worries that there would be an English bias to team selection were dismissed by the GB committee – who then put England assistant manager Stuart Pearce in charge of picking the squad. The Welsh FA and Scottish FA soon started discouraging their players from participating for reasons too complicated to detail here and, at time of going to press (29th February 2012) tickets for the matches have yet to sell out.

7. The Stadium. Will it really be ready in time? Delays to the opening of the new Wembley suggest that all may not be smooth. The prospect of the hammer being tossed while builders are still hammering in the final nails is a nightmare scenario which is best enjoyed while sipping a cocktail on a foreign beach. Enjoy!

^Research by Price Waterhouse Cooper, August 2011

Author bio: James Christie writes for Thomson Local, a business directory which is the ideal resource for looking up travel agents when planning a foreign holiday during the Olympics.

February 29, 2012
7 Reasons The London 2012 Olympic Medal Isn’t Very British

A year today the XXX Olympiad will be declared open in London. Today – for reasons I have failed to establish – Britain is celebrating this fact. As part of these celebrations, the medal which will be awarded to winners (as well as first and second losers) has been unveiled. The gold version looks like this:

Now, I know what you are thinking. It’s not very British. Which is why we here at 7 Reasons have designed seven alternatives.

1. Weather. Despite our recent protestations it does seem that the vast majority of Britons love the weather. And certainly, if you ask a foreigner, they’ll say we are absolutely obsessed with it. So why didn’t we celebrate that?

2. Chavs. I can’t say I’m a massive fan, but chavs as fundamental a part of British society as Morecambe & Wise, fish & chips and Andrew Strauss’ jock-strap.

3. Tea. For some bizarre and unfathomable reason one half of the 7 Reasons team doesn’t drink tea. I dare say he also harbours a deep desire to be French. Still, we can’t go around catering for one misinformed individual. The fact is, tea is British (possibly via China) and Britishness is tea. And we should have celebrated it.

4. Royalty. Another very British trait is our love for the Royal Family. At least it is if you ask an American. Goodness knows how they’d react if they ever met a Republican. Of all the Royals though, there is particular fondness and admiration for the Queen. Which is why this medal celebrates Freddie Mercury’s moustache.

5. Queue. Unlike the French who riot (or go on strike) if someone beats them to a till, us Brits love a good queue. We could be in it for hours and not even stifle a yawn. We’ll be dealt with eventually. Just bide your time Britain, bide your time. And wear a queuing medal.

6. Pride. We don’t moan, we don’t complain, we don’t sulk. We just suck in the big ones, take it on the chin and carry on. That is the British way. Which is why we’d have liked to have seen Usain Bolt wearing a medal that depicts Leslie Ash’s stiff upper lip.

7. Beer. When the day is done and the battle has been won, there is nothing that hits the spot quite like a warm beer with a massive head.

July 27, 2011
7 Reasons That The Pole Vault is Weird

It’s almost Christmas, dear readers, and what better and more seasonal topic is there to ruminate over than the pole vault? Well, possibly just about any other topic but, as I was lying in bed, unwell, with a bit of a fever, my thoughts naturally turned to the pole vault (well, whose wouldn’t?) and it struck me that the pole vault is really, really weird. Here’s why.

…and so does your sport.

1. Titular Obscurity. We all know what the pole vault is, because we’re introduced to it at a young age. But what if we didn’t know? Other athletics events are titularly obvious; the high jump; the long jump, we know what to expect from those just by their names. But what would we expect to see if told that we were about to witness the pole vault? It sounds like someone jumping over a pole, or a cellar for keeping Polish people in. Or leaping over a Polish person. Or Polish people vaulting. Or a storage area for poles. What the name doesn’t convey is anything at all about what you can expect to see, which is a Russian man with a stick jumping over a bar (which doesn’t resemble the sort of bar that you’d want to frequent at all, it’s just another stick the other way up, balanced between two other sticks). It’s literally all sticks. I would rather watch the cellar full of Polish people.

2. It’s Cheating. The closest relation to the pole vault must surely be the high jump; an event in which athletes compete to see who can jump the highest – something that we can all identify with and can do ourselves at home. But the pole vault takes the noble pursuit of seeing who can leap the highest, and adds a long pole into the mix so that competitors can go three times as high as they would naturally be able to. But why? Of course you can go higher if you have a ruddy great stick to help you. I can swim much faster than normal if I’m wearing flippers and Speedos with jet propulsion, but that doesn’t make me a good swimmer. Fortunately, I doubt that they’re going to make the 100 metres backstroke with flippers and jet-thrusting-pants an Olympic event alongside the regular swimming any time soon, which is a good thing, because I’d look bloody stupid in that getup and I never win anything anyway. And it would be weird, and we already have the pole vault for that.

3. They’re Missing The Point. Pole vaulters vault to see who can vault the highest, but that’s not even the point of vaulting. Because vaulting originated as a way for the Dutch to cross dykes (everyone glad that I’m not AA Gill at this moment? Good, me too). So the true measure of the vaulter’s prowess should be distance. In short, they’re doing it wrong. Let’s make them vault over a river; that would be true to the origins of the sport and a damned sight more entertaining. They’re missing the point of their own sport.

4. Exclusion. It keeps better events out of the Olympics. Because I don’t need to know who can jump very high with the help of a big stick. I want to see people test the limits of human performance without artificial aid. Do you know what I want to know? I want to know how fast people can spin, because we just don’t know that. I propose the one minute spin, an event in which each competitor stands within a circle a metre in diameter and has a minute in which to spin as many times as possible (clockwise or anti-clockwise, it’s freestyle), and the winner is the person who attains the highest rate of RPM. That’s what I want to see, and then I want to watch them trying to walk back to their chairs and attempting to put their tracksuit bottoms back on. Because that sort of spectacle would make the Olympics ten times better.

5. The Equipment Is Unwieldy. And what right-minded person would take up the bloody sport in the first place? If I were tall, athletic and good at going over bars (rather than sitting behind them. Still, two out of three isn’t bad) I’d choose the high jump. Because it’s exactly the same as the pole vault, but you don’t have to lug a pole around with you as a part of your kit. Because taking up the pole vault is like taking up the double bass or the tuba. It’s absolutely ridiculous. What if you were reliant on public transport? How would you fancy trying to get on a rush-hour tube train with a seventeen foot long pole? It’s difficult enough with a modestly proportioned holdall or a large satchel. Okay, so you’d be able to hold the doors open for as long as it took to get on but, I speak with absolute confidence here, it would be a bit burdensome. In fact, it would be a faff. In much the same way that holding up the world was a faff for Atlas.

6. Double Entendre. There is literally nothing that you can say about pole vaulting that isn’t a double entendre. After all, it’s a sport which involves physically exerting yourself until you’re panting and thrusting a long, rigid shaft into a box before you briefly soar heavenward and eventually end up lying sweaty and exhausted on a mattress with a horizontal pole. And if there isn’t scope for euphemism, metaphor, allusion and plain seaside postcard bawdiness there then…um…well there just clearly is. And Wikipedia isn’t even trying for innuendo when it says, “…pole stiffness and length are important factors to a vaulter’s performance.” It is impossible to discuss the pole vault without innuendo.

7. Confusion. Because while the name pole vault, as we have established, is misleading, once you’ve accepted the illogic of it, you’re in for further frustration and disappointment. When I was four years old and I started school, you can have absolutely no idea how excited I was when I was told that in the school gym there was a vaulting horse. A vaulting horse, I thought with wide-eyed astonishment. That’s the most exciting thing I’ve ever heard in my life. They’ve got a horse that can vault! A raging stallion that can shoot itself into the sky with the aid of a pole! A pony that can rocket over a lofty bar! A mare that can soar through the air and land on a mattress! They’ve got a wondrous, magical creature! The most awesome beast I ever will see! They’ve got an athletic super-horse! They’ve got…that wooden thing in the corner that looks like a weird shed for midgets? What the hell is that? Is life always going to be like this?

December 21, 2010
7 Reasons You Are Wrong Not To Love The 2012 Olympic Mascots

1. Equality. Wenlock (he’s on the right) and Mandeville belong to a young boy and a young girl. Though for quite a while I thought the young girl was also a young boy. But this has clearly been done on purpose to show solidarity behind those athletes who are still deciding whether they should enter the Olympics as a man or a woman. Caster Semenya for example.*

2. Billy Crystal. Okay, not Billy Crystal per se, but the animated character he voiced in Monsters Inc. Mike Wazowski. He was a one-eyed monster and, at first, children were terrified of him. They had nightmares and all sorts. But eventually they got round to liking him. Loving him even. And that is what will happen to Wenlock and Mandeville. They may terrify you now, but come 2012 you’ll be making your own Wenlock outfits.

3. The Future. While we are on that point. This is 2010. The Olympics aren’t for another two years. Who knows what might happen in the next 798 days? We may get visited by Wenlock and Mandeville look-alikes from somewhere else in this universe. They might turn up and fix the whole global warming thing. And the economy thing. And mend your bike puncture. If that happens you can’t possibly tell me you won’t be happy. You can’t possibly tell me you won’t be immediate fans of Hemlock and Manderlay. So let’s have a little perspective please people.

4. Home Life. The boy and girl live with their grandparents. I don’t know why, but I am guessing that this is because, maybe, Mummy and Daddy have gone away for a while. Possibly to prison. Or maybe they were investigating volcanic activity in Iceland a few weeks ago. Either way, their Grandpa George does something very sweet for his grandchildren. He whacks a bit of steel into some quite funky shapes. The children are delighted. Yet all you can do is complain. Why can’t you be happy for them you heartless bunch?

5. The Beaver. Which would you prefer? Wenlock and Mandeville or Amik The Beaver from the 1976 Montreal Games? I for one am thankful our designers are no longer inspired by roadkill.

6. Security. Let’s not pretend that some nasty people aren’t going to think about doing something bad during the games. If we have a load of one-eyed freaks guarding the stadia, I strongly suspect that they may think twice. Especially as I have heard that Wenlock v1.2 will has a laser beam that he can fire from his eye.

7. The Film. Still don’t like them? Still think we should have had a cuddly lion? Well, watch the film. It’s beautifully made, beautifully told, beautifully funny and beautifully optimistic. You beauty.

*I admit this is in very bad taste. I am even a little bit ashamed of writing it. But I really was struggling for reasons. You understand. All complaints should be addressed to Marc Fearns.

May 21, 2010