7 Reasons

Tag: navy

  • 7 Reasons to Follow @MongolianNavy on Twitter

    7 Reasons to Follow @MongolianNavy on Twitter

    In February we discovered that Benicio Del Toro was on Twitter and brought you the news in 7 Reasons to follow @BenicioDToro on Twitter.  We weren’t sure whether it was him or not, but we thought the Twitter account was interesting anyway, and we had a big reaction to the post.  Firstly, many unhinged people descended on our comments section and began calling each other names (we eventually had to referee this) and secondly, someone stole the piece and reposted it elsewhere without our consent until – after we’d threatened legal action more than once and they’d removed it and re-posted it a few times – their web hosts intervened and shut them down.  In all, it was a whole lot of irritation and hassle. So let’s do it again.

    Great news, 7 Reasons readers!  The Mongolian Navy are on Twitter!  Here are seven reasons to follow them.

    The naval fleet of Mongolia in port
    Swim for your lives! It’s the entire Mongolian Navy! Really.

    1.  They Won’t Swamp Your Twitter-Feed.  I mean, how much news can a navy with one boat, seven sailors (only one of whom can swim) and no sea generate?

    2.  Comparison. Have you ever felt really down?  Have you ever felt pangs of existential angst?  Have you ever questioned what you’re doing with your life?  Have you ever felt that you’re getting nowhere and that you’re just going round in circles?  Well the Mongolian Navy are stuck on the landlocked Lake Hovsgal so they actually are going round in circles.  All day, every day.  Who doesn’t feel better about themselves now?

    3.  War Is Hell.  I watched the Dreamworks mini-series The Pacific recently and a brilliant, absorbing, and appropriately reverential bit of television it was too.  But it was a highly confusing in places because there were many, many characters and they were all dressed identically.  The Mongolian Navy has only seven sailors though, so there should be little of that sort of confusion in their Twitter feed.  In time, you’ll probably get to know and love the entire Mongolian Navy, which is a lot less time than in would take you to get to know and love a larger navy.

    4.  Learn About Mongolia.  How much do you really know about Mongolia?  That’s a question I’ve asked myself on several occasions recently, and in my case, the answer is very little.  I imagine that by following the Mongolian Navy on Twitter I’m going to learn a great deal more about Mongolia.  After all, they’re landlocked, so it’s not like they’re going to be tweeting about anywhere else.

    5.  Because You Love An Underdog.  Yes you do!  You can’t help it.  And surely, in naval terms, a navy with only one vessel (a tug) is the biggest underdog of them all.  Or the littlest underdog, perhaps.  After all, it’s hard to feel any sort of empathy with large modern navies with their state-of-the-art destroyers deploying smart torpedoes and missiles against enemies that don’t stand a hope-in-hell’s chance.  But the Mongolian Navy’s epic quest to tow other boats around and keep their lake free from better navies* is something we can all appreciate and get behind.

    6.  Because They’ll Follow You Back.  I’ve looked at their Twitter page and it seems that they’re following the people who are following them back.  And who wouldn’t want to be followed by the Mongolian Navy (if you’re going to be followed by a navy, the Mongolian one seems like the best option)?  It seems that the Mongolian Navy are as curious about us as we are about them.   Let’s tell them what things are like where we live.  Near the sea.  Or tweet swimming tips, I think they’d like that.

    7.  Show Your Support.  Because no one in Mongolia loves them.  As we pointed in out March, Mongolia has a National Men and Soldiers Day, but not a National Men and Sailors Day.  This seems deeply unfair.  Let’s show them that people out there do care about them.  Let’s show our support for by following @MongolianNavy on Twitter.**

     

    *Which is all navies.  Even Birmingham has a better navy than Mongolia.

    **As this doesn’t seem like too much of a commitment.

     

     

  • 7 Reasons the Anglo-Franco Defence Agreement is a Good Idea

    7 Reasons the Anglo-Franco Defence Agreement is a Good Idea

    Yesterday, at 7 Reasons (.org) we ran a post entitled 7 Reasons The Anglo-Franco Defence Agreement Is A Bad Idea.  I discovered that we had done so while I was eating my breakfast, and it’s fair to say that I was quite stunned.  In fact I, the Jacques Tati obsessed, Voltaire-reading, coffee-guzzling half of the 7 Reasons team (the one with the French name), almost choked on my croissant.  “A bad idea?!” I exclaimed in a voice so high that it was only audible to very small dogs, “but it’s a brilliant idea!”  And it is.  Here are seven reasons why:

    The iconic WWII Keep Calm and Carry On propaganda poster amended to read Keep Calm et Poursuivre in honour of the Anglo-Franco defence agreement

    1. History.  The most notable occasion on which we’ve had a defence agreement and a joint expeditionary force with France was the Second World War.  And, as I’m sure you’re aware, we won that.  Obviously it didn’t work out too well for France, what with Germany annihilating the French army and occupying most of their country, and Britain blowing up the French navy before going home to dine on powdered egg with the Americans.  But we did win, so defence agreements with France are a proven success.  And now that we have the Channel Tunnel, their government will be able to flee to London so much more quickly than last time.  If that’s possible.

    2.  Cuisine.  Working together will rid both nations of antiquated ideas about the other nation’s diet.  They will come to realise that there’s more to British cuisine than roast beef – because we’ve had branches of McDonalds since at least the 1970s – and we will come to realise that there’s more to French cuisine than frogs legs.  They’ll introduce us to soufflé: An insignificant, over-inflated tart that shrinks at the merest hint of a knife, and Quiche Lorraine:  A dish that they readily share with Germans – usually as a starter – which is often followed by a generous helping of their speciality, crêpe à la guerre.

    3.  Wisdom.  Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer:  A line from The Godfather – often wrongly attributed to Sun Tzu – that’s a very wise strategy indeed.  And who is the enemy in this case?  Well, it’s France: The nation we’ve spent more time at war with than any other.  They are l’ennemi traditionnel, and by being on board the same ships with them we’ll be able to keep a very close eye on them.  Also, should a war break out between the nations, civilian casualties will be minimised as the theatre of war will be far smaller than usual; sometimes it will even be confined to the same engine room or bridge.  And remember, should the enemy sink one of our aircraft carriers, they will bear half the cost.

    4.  Finance.  Even if you’re not au fait with the minutiae of military funding it’s bleeding obvious that we’re going to save lots of money by sharing spending with France.  Look at paint.  All armed forces need lots of paint and, by getting together we’ll have greater purchasing power when it comes to procuring it.  We’ll make substantial savings on grey paint for navy use, and camouflage paint for army use.  And we’ll make even bigger savings on red, white and blue paint as we’ll need bloody loads of that now that we’ll need to paint a French flag on one side of things and a British flag on the other.  The savings will be enormous.  Énorme.

    5.  Efficacy.  The measure by which all branches of the armed services are judged is their strike-capability.  And by entering into an agreement with the French, we’ll increase the strike-capability of our military substantially.  In fact, with the French on board, our strike capability will be the highest of any force in the world; our strike-capability will be infinity, which is greater even than the combined forces of China, North Korea, Iran, Christmas Island, Easter Island, Chuck Norris and Malta.

    6.  Co-operation.  When Britain and France work together, the two nations have been able to affect profound and lasting positive sociological change.  The channel tunnel, for example, which was first proposed in 1802 and was completed a mere 192 years later, allowed refugees of many nationalities to complete the final leg of their epic journeys of migration; fleeing hardship and squalor from across the four corners of Northern France, to civilisation in Southern England; where they were able to escape the tyranny of boules, cycling and listening to Johnny Hallyday and were introduced to the more civilised British pastimes of cricket, morris dancing, and the Daily-Mail-witch-hunt.

    7.  Culture.  Our nations have much to learn from each other and the accord will doubtless be a civilising influence.  As we get to know each other as individuals there will be a significant breakdown of prejudice and an increase in cultural exchange.  We will teach the French to drink copious quantities of beer and fight with bald men in shirts at the weekend, and they will teach the British to drink copious quantities of wine and run from bald men in shirts at le weekend. We will teach the French to make popular music that will be cherished the world over, and they will teach the British how to sneer at the X-Factor.  We will teach them that France is the ideal holiday destination, and they will teach us that France is the ideal holiday destination.  It’s a match made in heaven. The Anglo-French defence agreement is going to be great.