7 Reasons

Tag: Nails

  • Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Buy A Television Bed

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Buy A Television Bed

    TV beds are a relatively new innovation that combines two of our favourite things; bed and television. With that in mind, it’s quite surprising that no one thought of moulding the two things together before.

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Buy A Television Bed

    Although more popular in the United States, they are an innovation that is quickly taking the bedrooms of the UK by gentle storm. So, without further rambling, here are seven reasons to buy a television bed!

    1.  Toe Saving Technology! One curse of the allotted television/bed separation is the cold, lost and search mission that you must undertake every night in order to turn the television off. Never before have so many toes fallen stubbed to misplaced bedroom items and unforeseen furniture. Now, thanks to tv beds from the TV Beds Centre, you can simply turn the television off via a soft button next to the bed wherein the television folds sleekly away into the recesses of your bed.

    2.  No more intrusive wires! Thanks to shelves found within the sides of many television beds, you can now store your Xbox, Playstation and DVD player underneath the bed and out of sight as you never again have to fiddle with all the medusa-esque wires that dominate so many bedrooms.

    3.  Two For The Price Of One. If you’re moving house, the great news is that you don’t have to worry about buying a television and a bed to go in your room as some television beds come with a television already installed! Not a bad thing to no longer worry about!

    4.  No more nails! That’s exactly right, if you’re like any regular man who simply cannot fathom the easiest of DIY procedures then you no longer have to worry about IKEA cupboards or television stands.

    5.  A Man’s Home Bed Is His Castle. If you want to be really lazy, then you will take pride in knowing that you can endure a whole film marathon (LOTR anyone?) without ever having to get out of bed. Anyone who enjoys a good hangover will know that lying in bed all day watching mind numbing programmes is truly the best way to recover.

    6.  The iBed? If you think the television beds of today are great, then just think about what they shall be like tomorrow. Maybe then they shall look after all our needs (microwave tv bed?) so that we never have to move anywhere on a weekend. The lifestyle in Wall-E never looked that bad anyway…

    7.  Build a base. We’ve all done it; thanks to the large foot and head boards, they would make perfect walls for you to drape your bedding over. Even if you find that you are a tad old to do that these days, television beds do come in child sizes too!

  • 7 Reasons Everyone And Everything Should Have Auto-Tune

    7 Reasons Everyone And Everything Should Have Auto-Tune

    You don’t have to be interested in the X-Factor to know about autotunegate or whatever it is called. I am the living proof of that. To be honest, I don’t know what all the fuss is about. Auto-tune is good. It makes things bearable. Just think how good life would be if everything and everyone had auto-tune.

    7 Reasons Everyone And Everything Should Have Auto-Tune

    1.  Annoying Voices. No more high-pitched Joe Pasquale shrieking. No more Andy Murray monotones. No more confusing regional accents. No more chavs. Just a straightforward English accent that everyone can understand.

    2.  The Monarchy. They are bit like marmite. You either love them or you hate them. Or you are indifferent to them – as I suspect at least 90% of the world’s population is to marmite. I have long thought that the hate for the Monarchy is borne out of their accents. They are well-spoken. Which immediately alienates anyone who pronounces ‘Good Morning’ as ‘Alright fella’. If a member of the Monarchy had auto-tune they would be able to walk into The Tattooed Arms, order a bevy and become darts team captain before the end of the night. ‘Bonnie’ Prince Charlie then really could become the people’s King.

    3.  Movie Accents. My top three awful movie accents in ascending order. Kevin Costner in Robin Hood. Mickey Rooney in Breakfast At Tiffany’s. Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins. Horrendous. The lot of them. And no, Dick Van Dyke’s cockney does not fall into the category of, ‘so bad it’s quite charming’. It’s not charming. It’s mute-button inducing. And it will always haunt me. Everytime I look at a chimney.

    4.  Polystyrene. Arrrrrggggggggghhhhhhh! Which git invented a material that not only feels like…erm…polystyrene, but also sounds like Alan Carr on helium when rubbed?*

    5.  Nails On A Chalkboard. Arrrrrggggggggghhhhhhh! (Again). Auto-tune would turn this into the Intermezzo from ‘Cavalleria Rusticana. Or the theme tune to Postman Pat. Anything really. Just not nails on a chalkboard. Or polystyrene. Or Joe Pasquale. Or Dick Van Dyke. Or Aqua’s Barbie Girl.

    6.  The French. It’s not the fact that I don’t like them, it’s the fact that whatever is said in a French accent sounds sexy. At no point should, ‘I take the cat and I put it in the bin,’ sound at all sexy. Yet, said with Frenchness, it does. Have a go. (Insert you speaking in a French accent here). See? What you’ve just done is wrong. The French accent should therefore be auto-tuned to English. ‘I take the cat and I put it in the bin,’ will never sound sexy in a Coventry burr.

    7.  Nuclear Warning Siren. I hope I never get to hear it for real. At least not in the next year. (There’s the Ashes and two world cups for England to win). But just supposing for a minute that I did hear it. There is a fair chance it might be the last thing I ever hear. I therefore want to go out in as relaxed a mood as possible. Not listening to something that sounds like a dolphin being drilled through the eye. The Nuclear Warning Siren should therefore be auto-tuned. Then we can all fall asleep listening to Geri Halliwell being penetrated by a unicorn.

    *I can see what you might be thinking here. You have the wrong end of the stick.**

    **I can see what you might be thinking here. You’re a pervert.