7 Reasons

Tag: Muppets

  • Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why Dogs Make Better Pets Than Most Other Things (Including Yetis)

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why Dogs Make Better Pets Than Most Other Things (Including Yetis)

    Like me, you’ve probably spent a lot of time thinking, “My dog’s pretty cool, but how amazing would it be to have a pet that’s really unique, like a dragon or a yeti?” This is an entirely reasonable question, and one you should not be ashamed of. The world can only take so many Labradoodles and Puguauas, after all.

    But apart from the inconvenient fact that most of these mythical creatures are difficult to source, let alone adequately care for, there are better reasons for re-discovering why canines are top dog when it comes to the pet question. Unless, that is, someone knows how I can get my hands on a griffin.

    Finally, an answer to that age-old question, "Are you a Dog or Yeti person?"
    I’d like to report a missing dog.

    1.  Sasquatch. Call it what you will – Sasquatch, Yeti, Bigfoot – just don’t call it a good pet. Where to start? Well for one thing, can you imagine how much an overgrown ape-man would eat? You can reason with a dog. A dog will be happy with whatever you give it, and the more care you put into your best friend’s diet, the more he will love you. A Sasquatch? I’ve heard a lot of things about Sasqui, but gratitude and loyalty have never featured among them. And while we’re on the topic, Bigfoot’s a bit of a lazy name for a hairy, lumbering creature with a stout base, and anyway it’s not very nice. Even if they’re big, dumb, graceless oafs, Sasqui have feelings, too.

    2.  Ewoks. Do you know what Ewoks do when they’re not on camera? They greet everything – soft furnishings, cuddly toys, home appliances – with a fervour that’s indelicate and overly familiar. Ewoks aren’t discerning and they’re not discreet. If you thought your Schnauzer could be a little uncouth sometimes, believe me, you do not want to leave an Ewok alone with your Great Aunt Marge’s leg.

    3.  Nessie. Oh come on, no one really believes in the Loch Ness Monster.

    4.  Dragons. Dragons are notoriously high maintenance. Your dog is quite happy to make do with a small bed or an area on the carpet she can continually scratch in hopes of scrunching it into something bed-like. A dragon needs a whole cave and I don’t know about you, but affordable caverns are pretty hard to come by in my neck of the woods. A dog’s breath may make you gag, but it’s not going to singe your eyebrows (probably.) A dog won’t lay waste to everything in its path (probably.) A dog won’t demand its own iTunes account or want to watch every episode of Loose Women ever made or sit around flicking its tail insolently and leaving little bits of chainmail everywhere. You really want high maintenance? Get a cat.

    5.  Robots. Look, you can have a robot if you want to. Nobody’s stopping you. It’s just robots make stupid pets, even robots that look like dogs. Especially robots that look like dogs. They’re not exactly going to shower you with unconditional love and affection, are they? They’re just machines that do what you tell them to do. Until they develop independent thought and decision-making capabilities, turn on you, destroy your home, steal your identity and take your favourite Def Leppard t-shirt. Not so cool then, are they?

    6.  Griffins. I’ve got to be honest, I really can’t think of a good reason not to have a pet that’s part-lion, part-eagle and all bad-ass. If anyone’s got a griffin for sale, just name your price.

    7.  Unicorns. Unicorns cannot play fetch. This is a fact. Some believe it’s because their magical sparkly horn gets in the way and punctures anything thrown to them, but that’s not the real reason. The real reason is that unicorns are plonkers. They’re petulant and temperamental and usually huffy. They care too much about not messing up their rainbow flowing mane and not enough about retrieving. Unicorns are essentially self-absorbed muppets.

    Wait! Muppets! Now that’s a pet I could go for.

  • 7 Reasons The BBC Should Find Better Interviewees

    7 Reasons The BBC Should Find Better Interviewees

    You may have read yesterday that Cadbury’s Dairy Milk has been downsized. I didn’t, I read it today thanks to a retweet by regular 7 Reasons guest writer Rachel. If you want to read it, it’s here. I advise you stay here though as I have important words to share. Basically, instead of 140g of chocolate, Cadbury’s Dairy Milk is now just 120g. That’s two squares of Dairy Milk gone. At first I was furious. But as I scrolled down the page I became bemused. The BBC had decided to get the views of the Great British public. And between you and me they didn’t do a very good job. Here’s why:

    BBC Vox Pops

    1.  Stereotyping. Imogen looks like a nice girl, but deep down she has been influenced by stereotypical viewpoints uttered all around us. I quote, “Cadbury has been taken over by an American company. You would have thought it would have got larger.” Why Imogen? Because all American people are supposedly fat? Disgraceful.

    2.  Gibberish. Again, Michael looks like a nice guy. Apart from his earring. That’s silly. But it’s not what he looks like that really bothers me. It’s what he says. I quote, “…i guess if you are into being aware about what’s happening…”. Yeah bro, I’m into being aware. In fact all my bruvs and sistas are. It’s well wicked. Boi-akka-sha. Dear me. It’s not a bloody hobby. You don’t wake up one day and think, ‘You know what, I’m going to get into being aware’. Being aware is a natural state. You either are aware or you are not.

    3.  Knowledge. If I was to ask you to interview someone for an article I was writing about film piracy, I would hope you would find someone who had an interest in films. Likewise, in this situation,  I would have expected an establishment such as the BBC to find interviewees who like chocolate. On the most part they have. But Christian clearly doesn’t. How can he not have a favourite chocolate bar? That’s madness.

    4.  Observation. Florence looks happy, but she is probably one Caramel short of a box of Celebrations. I quote, “I think they are selling a lot bigger bars now.” Yes love, that’s because you are looking at the King-Size section.

    5.  Logic. It doesn’t get better for Florence, bless her, “I always feel like the packeted chocolate, I open it up and there’s less than half in the bag.” That’s because you’ve eaten most of it in the queue for the till. And anyway, the only way there can be less than half in the bag is if you’ve eaten more than half. If it’s the first time you open the bag, how can there be less than half in there? How ever much is in the bag – no matter how big or small – it is still 100% of the contents.

    6.  Memory. Last thing Florence, you say, “I feel like I’ve been robbed. It’s so disappointing.” Judging by that it means it has happened more than once. If you feel like you’ve been robbed and your disappointed in the product, why on earth would you keep buying it? Stop it. Now. You’ll feel much better. That is the 7 Reasons promise.

    7.  Plonkership. “We can understand why the prices have had to go up like that, but we’d rather it had gone up in price and we got more chocolate, then it would be the same money for less chocolate.” How does that work then? You put the price up yet the price stays the same. You get more chocolate at the same time as getting less chocolate. Genius boys. If you could get in touch and write a guest post explaining why the egg came before the chicken that would be awesome.