7 Reasons

Tag: Memory

  • Guest Post: 7 Reasons You Should Be Thinking About Long Term Memory Loss Now

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons You Should Be Thinking About Long Term Memory Loss Now

    7 Reasons You Should Be Thinking About Long Term Memory Loss Now

    Are you thinking about your long term memory today? You should be. A mind is a terrible thing to waste, and if you wait too long you won’t have any mind left to waste. Here’s why you shouldn’t go another instant without thinking about it.

    1.  You Won’t Be Able to Do it Later. Once your long term memory starts to go, you will no longer have the option of thinking about your long term memory. In fact, you’ll have difficulty thinking about anything at all. Once your memory starts to go, it’s awful hard to commit to thinking about anything in particular, least of all what you can do to improve your long term memory issues.

    2. Your Brain is Falling Apart. Sorry, but as soon as you hit your mid twenties your brain is already on its way out. You know how as you get older you stop caring so much about what other people think? How you march to your own beat and feel comfortable with being an oddball? You might be telling yourself that it’s because you’re not a member of the pack, that you think for yourself. In reality, it’s the brain damage. Your frontal lobe, which gives you the ability to control your actions and reign in your impulses, starts to deteriorate. Better do everything you can to slow this process down.

    3.  You’ll Have Trouble Using Facebook. Imagine when you are older and you try to check your Facebook status. It’s going to become really difficult because you won’t remember your password, your email address, or who your friends are. You’ll try to contact the Facebook support team but you’ll discover that they don’t exist anymore because Facebook went extinct decades ago. Oh, and that the internet is now an amorphous cloud that people navigate using their scent glands.

    4.  It will be 2051 Tomorrow. If you don’t start thinking about your long term memory today, you might end up a few decades in the future tomorrow. It’ll be exciting to take a trip to the future at first, but you won’t actually have the option of coming back home, and you’ll be a lot older than you are now. Everybody will keep telling you what a great person you used to be and how wise you once were, but all that knowledge will be gone and they’ll be talking about some stranger that you’ve never met. At least you’ll be able to take the credit.

    5.  You Won’t Be Able to Hit On Anybody Anymore. You’ll discover that most of the people you are attracted to are now several orders of magnitude younger than you are, which will make it very difficult to date them. The only upside is that you won’t be able to remember all of the rejections you face. Sadly, you may also find yourself asking somebody out on a date only to discover with horror that they are related to you.

    6.  You’ll Forget to Water Your Plants. And that you had them in the first place. It won’t take long before your plants start to shrivel up and die, depositing themselves on the floor. You’ll look at the mess on your floor and wonder who put it there, and why. Then you will become self conscious and wonder if you did it. Pretty soon you’ll start condemning yourself for being such a lazy slob, or worse, you’ll blame somebody else who wasn’t responsible. Then you’ll tell yourself you need to hire a maid, and forget to call them.

    7.  You Will Forget How to Make Bacon. Can you imagine a world without bacon? Well you won’t have trouble imagining it after you lose your long term memory, because you will be incapable of fixing it for yourself. And don’t start saying that you’ll just go to a Denny’s and ask them for bacon, because you’ll forget what bacon is. That’s right, you’ll never know the joy of having a slice of thick cut, crispy, peppered bacon. It will be gone from your memory.

    Now stop, and imagine eating a piece of bacon. Notice how your mouth starts watering in anticipation. Now imagine how much you would judge somebody who saw a piece of bacon and didn’t want to eat it. That person will be you, if you don’t start thinking about long term memory issues, today.

    Author bio: Brenda Ankley is an avid blogger and contributes to a number of publications, including Assisted Living Today, a leading provider of information on a variety of elder care topics such as assisted living in Iowa.

  • 7 Reasons The Osmonds Were Right

    7 Reasons The Osmonds Were Right

     

    Today I am offering a public service. To man. By addressing you. The woman. I know man is seen as the least romantic of the sexes, but man still likes to be loved. And, as The Osmonds so wisely stated, he likes to be loved because you actually love him. Not because he’s good with a screwdriver. Something like that anyway. Basically, what I am trying to get at is this. I’ve taken this classic Osmonds tune and edited it. So that you, the woman, will not make mistakes when you tell a man of your reasons for loving him. You’ll thank me one day.

     

    7 Reasons The Osmonds Were Right

    Don’t Love Me For Fun Girl, Let Me Be The One Girl, Love Me For A Reason, Let The Reason Be…

    1.  My DIY Skills. I assure you ladies, telling your man that you love him because he is great with a hammer is not the way to go. Would you like it if man told you that he loved you because you are good at ironing? No. Exactly.

    2.  My Memory. Don’t tell your man that you love him because he has a great memory. He’ll probably forget. Then you’ll get annoyed that he keeps forgetting. And he won’t know why you’re getting annoyed. And then you’ll split up. So don’t do it. Not if you really love him.

    3.  My Ability To Be Tall And Reach The Top Shelf In Sainsburys. Man doesn’t mind being tall and actually he is happy that he has some use in the supermarket bar getting in the way and trying to manoeuvre the trolley too fast. But telling him you love him because he’s tall is like him telling you he loves you because you are short enough to get in the attic without bashing your head.

    4.  My Hair. Facial Hair. Always a delicate one this. And actually you are probably doing yourself a favour by not using it. Man is programmed to reciprocate without thinking. “I love you” is reciprocated with “I love you too”. “I love your moustache” becomes “I love your moustache too”. Not good.

    5.  My Collection Of Sporting Memorabilia 1994 – Present Day. Man likes his collection of programmes and fixture lists and photos from years ago. It brings back good memories. And he also likes it because you don’t. Man doesn’t share your passion for American Idol or knitting, so don’t share his passion for signed pairs of Gary Lineker worn shorts.

    6.  My Dislike Of The Lesser Boyzone Version Of This Song. Man likes to think he knows about such topics as music. A woman’s job is to say, ‘Ooh I like this new one from Boyzone’. This gives the man a chance to show off and scoff and say, ‘This isn’t new. This is a cover of a far superior song’. What he does not expect is for woman to switch off the radio and say, ‘Why did Boyzone make such a rubbish cover?’

    7.  My Marc Fearns Mask. Seriously, man is just going to get very annoyed if you love it when he wears the mask. Unless you are Marc Fearns yourself of course. In which case you’ll probably think it’s a right result.