7 Reasons

Tag: list

  • 7 Reasons That The Top 100 Boys Names List 2010 is Intriguing

    7 Reasons That The Top 100 Boys Names List 2010 is Intriguing

    The ONS list of the most popular baby names in the UK during 2010 has been published and there are some stunning results.  We’re not going to look at the girls names (because they could be used for a second post), today we’re going to look at boys names.  Here are seven reasons that the list is intriguing.

    1.  Political Impact.  The name Cameron has steeply declined in popularity.  In 2000 it was the 24th most popular boys name; in 2009 it had fallen steeply to number 52, and in 2010 it fell further to number 61.  For the sake of political balance we’ll take a look the opposition too:  Ed hasn’t been in charge for long enough to be of any use, so we’ll look at the name Gordon.  Gordon is such a deeply unpopular man…sorry…name, we’re discussing names here, that it doesn’t appear on the list at all.  Not in 2010, not in 2009 and not in 2000.  It turns out that Gordon has always been deeply unpopular.  Oh, and as for Nick, who cares?  Nope, me either.

    2.  The Unusual.  The name Kayden, which languished at number 1425 at the turn of the millennium (who knew that the word millennium had two Ns?) has rocketed up to number 99 on last year’s list.  Now I don’t know any Kaydens and nor, I fervently hope, do you, so I wondered if there was a famous Kayden responsible for the increased popularity of the name.  It turns out there is.  She’s called Kayden Kross and she’s a porn actress who got into the business because she wanted to buy a pony.  People are naming their boys after a porn star.  A female porn star.  That is weird.  They would have been better off naming them after the pony.

    3.  F1.  The name Jenson has risen in popularity over the last ten years from 273 up to 96.  This can surely only be attributable to the popularity of Jenson Button.  The name Lewis also appears at number 27 on the list.  Okay, so it’s decreased in popularity a bit over the last ten years, but it’s still a very well-used name.  As for the name Fernando, well that appears nowhere, which is how I like it.  It goes to show that the British public do have some taste.  Despite the weird porn thing.

    4.  Alexander: A safe name; a solid name; a sensible name; a reliable name and some might say, a dull name.  But that just isn’t true.  The facts tell us that the name Alexander is more exciting than you (okay, I, mostly I) had previously supposed.  From its year 2000 position of number 21 it went on a rollercoaster ride in which it plunged to number 22 in 2009 and then, in a monumental upswing of fortunes in 2010, scaled the list back to number 21.  Breathtaking.  Turns out that Alexander isn’t as dull as we thought it was.

    5.  Noah.  Over the past ten years, the name Noah has risen from number 134 on the list to number 18.  I’m sure we all know a Noah*.  But I’m not keen on this name at all.  In fact, I firmly believe that the popularity of this name could be a consequence of society having become increasingly more noisy over the past ten years.  After all, it’s easy to mishear a mumbled reply of cluelessness when near heavy traffic, a mobile phone or a laptop:

    What shall we call him, darling?

    Noah, dear.

    That’s certainly more probable than everyone making the same feeble joke about a boy being born or conceived at a time of heavy rain, isn’t it?  I hope so.

    6.  Robert.  What the hell has happened to Robert?  It’s at number 90!  When I was at school it seems that approximately a third of all boys were called Robert but now it’s only the 90th most popular name in the UK.   Here are some names from last year that are considerably more popular than the name Robert: Ethan, bloody Noah, Jayden (which is the correct spelling of Kayden), Riley, Logan, Tyler, Finley, Mason and Kai.  Kai!  Who the hell knows more Kais then they know Roberts, Robs, Robbys, Bobbys and Bobs?   In 2010, Robert has plummeted so far in popularity that it’s lower on the list than Caleb.  How many Calebs have you ever met?  It turns out the only thing you can do to have a less popular name than Robert is to be called Gordon or be related to me.

    7.  Self-Interest.  One of the most striking things about the list itself is that none of my immediate family are on it.  I’m not on it.  My son’s not on it.  My wife isn’t on it (the girls version of the list, obviously).  Fred and Rose make the lists – despite the exploits of the West family – but no one that shares my surname is on them.  I can’t help but feel a little left out.  Does this epic societal rejection make us the least popular family in the UK?  Should we change our names by deed poll to sensible conventional names like Harley, Hayden, Jayden, Kayden or Kai? Are we going to be cast adrift in a lifeboat or exiled to the Isle of Wight?  I suspect it’s going to mean that we’re just going to have to continue spelling our names out to people, but still, it would be nice to be loved.

    *That’s a top clothing and accessories bit of wordplay especially for girls, right there.

  • 7 Reasons it Must Have Been Terrible to Celebrate Your Wedding Anniversary in the 1930s

    7 Reasons it Must Have Been Terrible to Celebrate Your Wedding Anniversary in the 1930s

    In the 1930s it was decided (presumably by purveyors of gifts) that there weren’t enough things associated with anniversaries and a more comprehensive anniversary gift list was created.  Fortunately for contemporary celebrants of anniversaries, since then the list has been modernised.  This is no bad thing as I’ve seen a copy of the original list.  Here are seven reasons that it must have been terrible to celebrate your anniversary in the 1930s.

    1.  Wood.  On the original list, the fifth anniversary is wood.   This is rather fitting for the era because, after five long years of marriage, the celebration of their fifth wedding anniversary may well have been one of the last occasions that a married couple got wood.  Rather mean to remind them of that though.

    2.  Willow/Copper.  The ninth anniversary is a terrifying prospect.  According to the BBC (they who must be believed), after nine years you get the willow/copper anniversary.  The only feasible combination of willow and copper that comes to my mind is a policeman with a cane.  Imagine your surprise and delight when you sit down with your wife and she says, “Happy anniversary darling, here’s a rozzer to beat you with a stick.”  That doesn’t sound like too much fun to me.  Perhaps it was more fun back then.

    3.  Aluminium/Tin.  Times were clearly hard in the ‘30s and though your tenth anniversary present would be an improvement on the previous year’s beating, it wouldn’t be much of one as you’re likely to be presented with something in a tin or in an aluminium can.  This can mean only one thing: food.  But in the 1930s people didn’t have normal food, they had weird food: tins of tongue; tins of luncheon meat; tins of potatoes.  Is being presented with a tin of tongue even any better than being beaten by a policeman?  Well, should you have had your anniversary in the 1930s, you’d be in a great position to judge.

    4.  Ivory.  After fourteen years of wedded bliss – assuming you’d recuperated from your beating by the forces of law and order five years previously and eating your tongue the following year – it was time for the real presents to begin.  For your fourteenth anniversary, you could have expected to receive something without which no home is complete; a bit of an elephant.  Obviously your gift wouldn’t be in the form of a bit of an elephant, it would be a bit of one of those useless lumbering creatures from the other side of the world turned into something far more practical, like a letter-opener or a cruet set.

    5.  China.  For your twentieth anniversary you would have received the best gift of all, after which all other anniversary presents would come as an anticlimax.   For your twentieth anniversary you could expect to receive the nation of China.  Now China back then was war-ravaged and in the economic doldrums, rather than being the titan that it is now, but still, a whole country is an impressive gift.  All anniversaries after the twentieth would be a huge disappointment.

    6.  Pearl/Ivory.  After thirty years, while modern couples are receiving their first diamonds, couples using the traditional anniversary list are in for a rare treat.  They can expect to relive that fondly remembered fourteenth anniversary on which they received a bit of an elephant only now, as if the bit of an elephant weren’t enough of a treat, they can expect it to be augmented by a bit of calcium carbonate that had been stolen from a fish.  Yay!

    7.  Blue Sapphire.  After sixty-five years of marriage, the compilers of the list clearly believe that senility will have kicked in because you’re going to get a sapphire again, but this time it’s going to be a blue one (which will be so much better than the beige one you got for your 45th).  “Look darling”, your husband will bellow into your ear trumpet, “I bought you a blue sapphire…it’s blue!”.  “Well, fancy” you’ll respond, “a blue sapphire.  Well I never!  Are these my feet?”

     

    And now, I have a confession to make: tomorrow is my wedding anniversary (and my wife’s).  I’m not going to tell you which one, but you might be able to guess, as this is what I’ve got her.  Feel free to wish me luck!

    SPAM in a can

  • 7 Reasons People Love Lists

    7 Reasons People Love Lists

    1.  Order. Your life is busy. You just have so many things to do. So many things that, sometimes, you forget to pack your knickers or eat more than spaghetti hoops all day. A list is a cure. It brings order to the chaos of your mind. You won’t embarrass yourself again.

    2.  Stationery. A list gives you a chance to use those highlighters your grandparents bought you five years ago. And the A4 pad. Andthe gold star stickers. And the 23 pencils. And the car shaped pencil sharpener that has moving wheels. And the book, How To Write The Perfect List.

    3.  Format. ‘The Nation’s 50 Favourite Types of Sock’ will easily take up an hour of Channel 4’s schedule or a six page spread inHaberdashery Monthly. Why waste time doing something that will involve thinking? Lists are a part of ‘Broken Britain’ and we should be proud about that.

    4.  Focus. You can prioritise what needs doing. 1 – Watch the rugby.2 – Watch the wife do the ironing. 3 – Mend the iron.

    5.  Targets. History shows that if you write your targets down when you are a young whippersnapper, they will more often than not be accomplished. Think about it. Benjamin Franklin had targets. Jonny Wilkinson had targets. Jack The Ripper had targets. Exactly.

    6.  Throwing. Is there a better feeling than screwing up a now completed list and chucking it across the room towards the bin? Absolutely not. Especially when your boss walks into the trajectory of its flight and it lands in his coffee, splashing hot liquid all over his shirt and causing first degree burns on his stupid Mickey Mouse tie.

    7.  Prevention. Drawing up a list stops us getting on with what we should be doing. And as that’s picking up next door’s children from the swimming pool, it’s good thing. They’re ugly and should not be seen anywhere near a 1998 Volvo Estate.