Tag: growth

Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why Your Business Needs Data Centre Services

Plant pots. Staplers. A door. All very useful things for a business to have, we admit. But what every organisation really needs is a data centre. Don’t look at us like that! As if we’re mad. Possibly even a bit geeky. We’re not. Really! We’re just people who like looking out for others. So think of us as superheroes if you like. Cool ones without the lycra.

So a data centre – this is the jargon-y bit – is a facility which houses computers. And these computers contain all of the information of a company. Interesting so far, isn’t it? Logic would have it therefore than large companies have large data centres full of thousands of computers all doing computery things 24 hours a day. And luckily for us, logic is correct in this case. Large companies do have large data centres. And with large data centres comes great responsibility. And the necessity for Buckingham Palace style security. And sophisticated cooling systems – not easy when there’s a hose-pipe ban in place. And back-up systems in case of outage. All of these things mean that data centres can be extremely expensive to set up and run. So, why then, does your business need data centre services? Here are the answers.

 1. Spiralling costs. Downwards. No, we’re not contradicting ourselves here. Not at all. You see, you could do it yourself. You could invest in 900 Commodore 64s, 45 computer nerds with their own soldering irons and a couple of former nightclub bouncers to handle your security. Then, when it all goes wrong, you could bring in the data centre service providers. Or, you could skip straight past the local boot-fair and just have the pros do it in the first place. By using a data centre service, you eliminate the need for large investments in facilities, equipment, security and energy. A survey in Sourcingmag.com, reported that 44 per cent of businesses outsource their data centre services for this very reason. And quite frankly, if it says it on Sourcingmag.com, then why are we even thinking about it?

 2. “So, you know about USB ports I take it?” That’s just one of the questions you may find yourself asking IT experts if you decide to hire specialists yourself. And that’s a bit like asking a cow if it knows it’s eating grass. Pointless, as neither will bother replying. By using data centre services, you can leverage the IT expertise of experienced data centre staff without having to hire your own specialised team. Or looking on Google for interview questions.

 3. There’s no such thing as a handyman. The days when everyone in the business knew how to do everything have gone. By outsourcing your data centre services, you can free up your staff to focus on internal business operations, not work out if they can fry an egg on a server. Data centre staff are experienced in the business. Let them take care of day to day maintenance issues while your staff focus on your bottom line.

 4. Tick Tock. Yes, there’s also the time issue. By outsourcing, you can also speed up the time it takes to complete data centre projects. Doing such projects internally can take years. Let’s be honest, most workers take half-an-hour to make a cup of tea. What are they going to be like faced with something that sizzles and bangs when you add sugar to it? Outsourcing can get the job done properly within months.

 5. The man who knew too much. Data centre managers often have to manage a number of data centres whose primary focus is delivering data centre services. Which basically means they know their stuff. And more. They will baffle you with words long and short, but at the end of the day they’ll have the expertise to deliver a top service while applying industry best practices to their operations. Which is much more preferable to putting Mike in charge. Yes, he’s the one who tried to fry an egg and sprinkled sugar in the sockets.

 6. Grow today. Not tomorrow. Assuming your business isn’t ‘Bob’s Burgers’ on the A27, the chances are you’ll be looking to grow and transform. By outsourcing data centre services, you free up internal resources to focus entirely on the critical process. And if you are from ‘Bob’s Burgers’, well you’ll just have to be content in the knowledge that the only thing growing is your customers’ waistband.

 7. Customers! Without them, you’re going no where. The last thing you want is to have to cancel a business meeting because everything your company has ever done is being slowly deleted from your server after Mike – yes, him again – got superglue down the sides of the Ctrl-Alt-Del keys. By outsourcing your data centre services, you free up employees to focus on customer retention and business operations. And that’s the way it should be.

July 18, 2012
7 Reasons To Revisit Movember

If you knew me or read 7 Reasons (or indeed both) this time two years ago, you will know that I was preparing my face for Movember. After a year off in 2010 – so that I didn’t scare the future mother-in-law – I have decided to have another go. In a little over a week I am going for glory. Here’s why:

1. Colour. The first thing you’ll notice from the above is that the 2009 edition of my Movember ‘tache was somewhat ginger – with assorted whispy grey bits. It wasn’t pleasant and saw me stay exclusively in my room for the final week. 730 days on though and surely the pigments have matured? I need to know.

2. Engineering. The design I went for last time was something of a bespoke handlebar. A small handlebar for a ginger bike. I can’t honestly say that it did much for my then otherwise burgeoning sex appeal. This Movemeber I need to find out whether I can bring sexy back. I suspect I can. As long as I’m just in my pants.

3. Growth. If you think the above was precision trimmed everyday, you’d be wrong. The handlebar in question was never touched. It just grew and grew and grew. Slowly and slowly and slowly. In hindsight I actually think my follicles got bored around the second Wednesday and gave up. I need to know that can now grow something worthwhile. Something that will enable me to call myself a real man.

4. Brotherly Love. My brother is nearly two and a half years younger than me, but he can grow a beard. And a moustache. Sometimes together. Not only does this break the rules of brotherhood (a younger sibling must never make his elder look unmanly), but it also means he is better than me at something. And as all those with younger brothers can testify, this is not a pleasant or indeed acceptable situation. As such I must grow a mo this Movember to show that – normally – I don’t have facial hair out of choice, not inability.

5. Food. I like to think I’m a pretty good eater. I’ve certainly always found that I have good food to mouth coordination. Obviously there are some foods, however, that are slightly tricky to eat. Biscuits for example. Despite the speed at which I get them to my mouth, I always find a few crumbs on my t-shirt or the sofa. The crumbs that fall from the base of the biscuit, well a mo can’t do much about those, but the crumbs that fly up from the top of the biscuit as you bite into it, well they could be caught in my moustache. Perfect for a late-afternoon snack.

6. Excuse. B*Witched said ‘blame it on the weatherman’, this month I’ll blame it on the moustache. November is the kind of month when I am at my clumsy best. I am bound to knock over a plant or drop keys down a drain or accidentally steal a baby. They are not things the clean shaven version of me does. Well, apart from the plant thing. That’s just standard. Stealing babies though, is something I certainly don’t do. But, if for some strange reason I find myself charging through the North Downs will a baby, you’ll know why.

7. Massage. I know it makes me sound like a bit of a tart, but I do like a head massage. Especially when I don’t have to give myself one. Coincidentally they work wonders when I am trying to think of seven reasons. Must be a stress thing. Anyway, if the massage goes to where the hair is, maybe I’ll get a top lip massage too?*

*Oh. Apparently I won’t.

October 20, 2011
7 Reasons That We Should Grow Vegetables In Our Lungs

If you haven’t been near a news source for the past couple of days, you’re probably looking at the title and thinking “er…what!”, or something similar. So, in case you missed it yesterday, the BBC website – amongst many others – carried this amazing news: A pea plant grew in a man’s lung. He didn’t grow it deliberately, and doctors (killjoys) removed it while it was still quite small. But this story demonstrates that it is possible to grow vegetables in our lungs. I’ve given it some thought, and it’s actually a good idea. Here are seven reasons why.

1. You Will Always Have Food With You. There’ll be no more worrying about where your next meal is coming from, and you’ll also lessen the likelihood that you’ll snack on food that is bad for you. After all, you’ll be growing fresh, healthy vegetables in your lungs, and you’ll be eating that instead of snacking on late-night-pizza. So you’ll be healthier too.

2. Oxygen. Plants are amongst Earth’s major sources of oxygen. Where better then, to house an oxygen-making plant, than in your own lungs. You’ll be able to get some of your oxygen directly, without breathing as much. Maybe you’ll be able to hold your breath for a long time. Perhaps you’ll be able to swim underwater for longer distances. David Walliams will probably attempt to swim the English Channel underwater and David Blaine will be able to stage ever-more-spectacular death-defying stunts, which will continue to confound and irritate all right-thinking members of humanity.

And now that I’ve accidentally mentioned David Blaine, I feel obliged to say this. David, you are thirty-seven years old. The world’s oldest living person is 114 years old. So you aren’t even a third of a way toward equalling her death-defying accomplishments; shut up and stop showing off.

3. Vegetarians. In cases where planes have crashed in remote locations and people have become stranded for long periods of time without a food source, vegetarians fare badly. When their omnivorous companions’ minds turn to cannibalism, their thoughts do not. If we grow vegetables in our lungs though, vegetarians will have something to eat too, while their friends are eating their…er…other friends.

4. Space. Not the final frontier, but the amount of room that we have in our gardens. If we’re growing vegetables in our lungs then we’ll have a lot more room in our gardens. And also, the lung-vegetables seem to require no earth, so we’ll need less mud in our gardens. And frankly, the mud is the worst bit. No one will miss it.

5. Uncles. The phrases, “I’m going to have a pee” and, “I’m just off for a leak”, when uttered before disappearing to spend time alone will become ambiguous and will be the source of much humour. We may tire of it quickly, but we will hear it nonetheless. From uncles. “How are you, Uncle Richard?”. “Fine son, I’m full of beans.” It’s always uncles.

6. Smoking. Smokers will have even more incentive to give up, as their smoking will surely adversely affect their lung-vegetable crop*. Either that or the silly people will try to grow tobacco plants in there**.

7. Cauliflower. The centre of a cauliflower resembles the human brain. The brain is an internal organ and, as such, it’s always a little strange to be able to see it. If we were to grow cauliflowers in our lungs, then we would rid ourselves of the terrifying spectre of massed ranks of what are apparently brains, sitting in fields. I always wake up screaming at the point in my dream where the horse chases me through the cauliflower field. Always. And if we grow cauliflowers in our lungs that dream may go away. Though I’m not going to advocate growing horses in our lungs of course, that would be silly.

*This is not based on data from an official scientific study.

**This is wholly based on the conjecture of a man who may have become slightly carried away with his theme.

August 12, 2010