Tag: Girlfriends

7 Reasons To Smile At A Stranger

The other week I came across a nice little campaign from a New York City-based good karma deliverer. Going by the name of Urban Muser, he/she is leaving notes in subway stations and on trains encouraging people to smile at strangers. And then other people, from all over the world, are doing it too. It’s a lovely idea, simply but effectively executed. We should smile at strangers more. Here’s why:

Smile At A Stranger by Kim Tackett

1. Love. It’s easily done. You’re sitting on the bus and bham! your future wife/husband sits in the seat opposite you. You don’t know them. You’ve never seen them before in your life, but something deep down in your loins says this is the one for you. So, what do you do? Do you carry on reading the paper and hope they come over and ravish you right then and there or do you take matters into your own hands? All you have to do is catch their eye and smile at them. The chances are they’ll immediately turn away, but don’t fret this is natural instinct. They’ll turn back. And when they do, smile again. If they smile back, you’re in. If they don’t, never mind. Just make sure you get off at the next stop. You don’t want to be accused of stalking.

2. Opinions. Maybe you’ve just had a session in the dentist’s chair and now want an opinion on your freshly cleaned pearly whites. Smile at someone. If they whip out their sunglasses you’ll know your dentist has done a good job. If they ask you if you’d like to borrow a bit of dental floss, you know you’ve just been ripped off.

3. Cracked It. Have you noticed that people find chimpanzees and monkeys cute? This can’t be because they pick both their noses and bottoms. That’s disgusting. It must be because they have a cheeky smile. So the next time someone catches you with your hand down your pants just smile at them. They’ll immediately fall for you.

4. Annoy. If someone is annoying you, don’t fire the staple-gun at their head again, smile at them. And don’t stop. Get in their face and smile at them. Even when they ask you what you’re smiling at, don’t stop. Don’t even speak. Just keep smiling. I guarantee that within two minutes they will be far more hacked off with you than you were with them. Especially if you follow them into the toilets and peer over the cubicle door.

5. Intrigue. Just go and sit in a cafe and smile at your fellow coffee drinkers. They’ll wonder what on earth you are smiling at. They’ll be intrigued by you. Are you coming on to them? Are you a spy? Do they have froth on their top lip? Just don’t smile at the girl with the big boyfriend. Especially if you are with your own girlfriend.

6. Reactions. When I was a schoolboy, I was cool. Whenever I went off to another school in the minibus to play rugby or cricket or hockey or other posh-boy sports (like chess), I used to smile and wave at random people as we passed by. In wasn’t a casual smile and wave though, this was a smile and wave that screamed, ‘Hello! I know you!’. The double-takes were priceless. In the minibus I was heralded a genius. Though when in France I accompanied it with a “Salut!” and a boy on a bike very nearly killed himself under a lorry. So you’ve go to choose your moments wisely. An you can do too much. So my advice is don’t do the French shouting to start with. Or the waving. Build it up over a period of time. To begin with, just smile as you walk past someone. A smile that says, ‘I know you!’. You’ll enjoy it, I promise. One day, if you’re lucky, you might become cool too.

7. Contagious. Smiling, like laughing, is contagious. According to the Guinness World Record website, there is no world-record for the number of people smiling at once. (Though, incidentally, I have just set it with the grand total of one). Therefore, why not try and set one. Smile at as many strangers as you can and hope that they smile enough to catch someone else’s eye. Then they’ll smile and the cycle will begin. Eventually everyone in the world will be smiling. And that’s a world record that can’t be broken. Here’s a picture of Jon and Marc smiling to get you started.

October 11, 2011
7 Reasons This Is Not The Perfect Gift For Everyone

With Christmas less than four weeks away now, I last night decided to browse the web for present inspiration. Having examined the merits of both vacuum cleaners and laundry baskets alike, I came across this mug. A mug that Jamie Oliver has got someone to design for him. The spiel accompanying the Foxy Lady mug says, ‘This Is The Perfect Gift For Everyone’. Incorrect. The only thing it is perfect for is a 7 Reasons post. For these people, it most certainly is not perfect.

1. My Mum. I am sure my Mum had her moments in her younger days – and according to ‘friends’ at school during her middle years too – but they are moments I do not wish to know about. My Mum is my Mum. Good at cooking, ironing, forwarding mail and reminding me when it’s my Grandmother’s birthday. In other words, she’s great. Generally when she has performed these tasks well, I say, ‘Thanks Mum’. And that’s where it ends. Never have I found myself uttering the words, ‘Thanks Mum. By the way, you are seriously foxy today.’ I suspect such a statement would be followed by many years of uncomfortable silence. As a result, I shall not be buying my Mum this mug.

2. My Dad. For as long as I can remember, my Dad has been a man. It is never something I have felt the need to question him on – probably because he has a beard. If indeed he had a spell as a Foxy Lady sometime in the mid-1970s – which I suppose is a possibility given that he was in the Navy – well that is entirely his own affair and something that deserves to remain a secret. The last thing we need as a family is for me to embarrass him on Christmas Day by giving him this mug.

3. My Brother. Again, definitely a man. Given his disheveled archaeologist looks, he is highly unlikely to be masquerading as a Lady. And even if he were, it’s nigh on impossible that he’d described as a foxy one.

4. My Grandmother. I don’t need to explain myself. All I will say is that this post gets more wrong the further down the page you read.

5. Yoko Ono. As a bizarre looking woman/prominent anti-hunt protester, a Foxy Lady mug is more patronising than perfect.

6. Megan/Samantha/Edward/Ruel Fox. There are very different reasons why a Foxy Lady mug is not the perfect gift for these four people. But thankfully not enough reasons to convince me to write a whole other post. If I was to give a Foxy Lady mug to either Megan or Samantha Fox I’d have a lot of explaining to do. So I shan’t. Not that I was planning to anyway. And if I was to buy Edward or Ruel Fox a Foxy Lady mug I’d have even more explaining to do. Mainly to myself.

7. Me. Occasionally I do buy myself presents. Last week, for instance, I bought myself a haircut. And very pleased with it I am too. I look much more like the Jonny Wilkinson my girlfriend wants me to look like by the hour. And that has to be a good thing. For both of us. A Foxy Lady mug would just spoil all my hard work. So instead, I am going to spend £10 on a rolling pin so I can keep injuring myself.

November 30, 2010
7 Reasons Standing Outside Female Fitting Rooms In Zara Is Awkward (For Men)

We’ve all been there. Female changing rooms. Women go in them. Men stand outside them. That, at least, is the usual practice. And it is certainly what I practised on Saturday. In Zara. And when I say it is what I practised, I don’t mean I went into Zara and practised standing outside the fitting rooms. That type of behaviour is strictly frowned upon and usually ends up with you being escorted from the shop by the police. Apparently. So no, I was not practising standing outside the fitting rooms. I was standing outside the fitting rooms in Zara because my girlfriend was inside the fitting rooms in Zara. And boy, is Zara awkward.

1. Positioning. It’s very difficult to know where to stand in Zara. I am no expert – if I was this post would have been called ‘7 Reasons I Laugh At Men Who Feel Awkward Outside Fitting Rooms In Zara’ – but I imagine the optimum place to stand must be at a 45 degree angle to the fitting room entrance. This, at least, is what I am trying to perfect. By standing at a 45 degree angle you can see out of the corner of your eye when your lady steps out of her cubicle to model her potential new outfit for you. It also means that you are not going to be staring at a lot of…

2. Other Women, who keep popping out of their cubicles. I have made the mistake of looking directly at the fitting room entrance before and it’s not a pleasant sight. Quite why other women seem so determined to try and fit into dresses that are at least two sizes too small for them is way above my level of intellect. But this isn’t really the awkward bit. The awkward bit is when the other women see you looking at them with your eyebrows raised. Or your mouth wide open. Or your head shaking. Or your shoulders lifting up and down as if to suggest you may be trying to suppress a titter. Which, coincidentally, is what many of them seem to be trying to do too. Obviously, if you do catch their eyesight, then you quickly look away. Which is when you notice the…

3. Mirrors. So now, instead of looking at other people, you are staring at your reflection. Which seems a little odd so you look to the other side of the fitting rooms. Where there is another bloody mirror. What is it with Zara and mirrors? They are all over the place. And the one you are using now is also being used by a women. So now you are staring at a reflection of a woman trying on a jacket. And now she has noticed you staring at a reflection of her trying on a jacket. And so has her husband. Which is when you turn back to the other mirror. Now you have a choice. Remain fixed on a reflection of you and you alone or look directly at the fitting rooms? Remember, you can’t stare at the floor, look the other way or run because your lady could step out of her cubicle at any moment. And you must be there. Given my previous with staring directly at the fitting rooms. I go for the looking at myself in a mirror option. I’ve done that before. And it hasn’t felt awkward since my Mum caught me singing along to Elvis with a comb. Thankfully, I don’t have a comb with me on this occasion, so instead I try and work out whether my shoulders are more sculpted than before or whether it’s one of those funny mirrors. I then realise someone else is hoping to use the mirror and so I have no option but to turn back to looking directly at the fitting room. This is where you have to resort to Plan Z. The phone. As…

4. Behaviour whilst waiting for someone goes, looking at your phone is the worst kind. Looking at your phone not only screams, ‘I am waiting for someone and I feel awkward,’ it also says, ‘I am bored’. Which is not good. Especially if that is the moment when your lady needs your attention. There is a way to rectify this however. I have named it the ‘look at your invisible phone’ technique. Basically it involves you, pretending you are looking at your phone. Or, in layman’s terms, just looking downwards a bit. You can also throw in some robot dance moves if you feel inclined, but most don’t. The good thing about the invisible phone/looking downwards move is that your periphiral vision still takes in your lady’s location in the fitting room. This is all well and good until you sense there is…

5. Another Man Waiting. This really shouldn’t be a problem. But ridiculously it makes it far more awkward. Not only are you are both checking on the behaviour of the other person to see if you can pick up any good ‘waiting outside fitting room’ tips, you are now in direct competition. You are both proud of your lady and you want to show the other guy that you are the better boyfriend/husband. Unfortunately, this means telling your lady that she looks wonderful in whatever she steps out of the fitting room wearing. Even if you’re not 100% sure about it. That’s until one of you decide you need to step up and show your relationship really is based on honesty about clothes. You need to show that your lady respects your opinion and if you aren’t sure about something she won’t feel let down. Which is when she steps out of the fitting room and you immediately say, ‘I’m not sure about that sweetheart. It’s not you at all.’ And then she scowls at you and you realise it’s what she has been wearing all day. Still, it could have been worse. You could have been standing outside the fitting rooms with…

6. Other Women. And this really is awkward. You feel awkward not just because you keep thinking, ‘Am I standing in the right place? How should I be acting? What the hell is she wearing?’ but because you are never 100% sure what they are thinking. Are they thinking, ‘That’s nice. I wish my boyfriend/husband was happy waiting for me in Zara instead of hanging around in HMV’? Or, are they thinking, ‘I wish security would come and remove this pervert’? I’ll be honest, the latter makes one feel very awkward. Especially when they wander off in the direction of an important looking person. You’re just waiting for a tap on the shoulder. Which is when you realise that your lady has been in the fitting room for a long…

7. Time. What is she doing in there? Is she okay? What happens if her hair has got stuck in a zip and she is now stuck? Do I phone her up? Do I ask a member of staff to go and check? Do I wander down and find out for myself? A knot twists in your stomach. She might be stuck with a dress over her head and you’re not doing anything. You’re just standing here. Feeling awkward. And now you’re feeling awkward for feeling awkward. Why? What have men done to be punished like this? Why does Zara punish men like this? When will this torture end?

September 21, 2010