7 Reasons

Tag: Girl

  • Guest Post: 7 Reasons For Men To Have A Haircut

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons For Men To Have A Haircut

    7 Reasons For Men To Have A Haircut
    Photo By David Smith

    1.  Because Your Mum Tells You To. “If you don’t get a haircut today it’ll be bread and jam for dinner tonight.” Honestly, the way your Mum constantly moans about you having a haircut it would just be easier to shut the old drone up and have it done. No one would know that you’re 37 and left home 20 years ago.

    2.  To Re-invent Yourself. It’s time for you to completely re-vamp your image and so, armed with a picture of your favourite star which you’ve cut out from the Radio Times, you troop off down to the barbers. Half an hour later you emerge transformed; like a butterfly emerging from the pupa. Checking your reflection in every shop window, car wing mirror and muddy puddle that you pass, you feel reassured that you now look every inch the young rock-star around the town. If this doesn’t impress your fellow co-workers at the all-night garage then nothing will.

    3.  So You Can Stop Embarrassing Your Friends. If it’s been a while since you’ve had a decent haircut you might notice tell-tale signs of embarrassment among your friend. Perhaps they’ve started walking six paces behind you. Perhaps they now insist on buying you hats or scissors for your birthday/Christmas present. Or perhaps you’ve noticed that you don’t have any friends any more. If any of these signs manifest themselves it could be time to join the 21st century and sort out your barnet.

    4.  Because People Are Beginning To Mistake You For A Girl. When short-sighted builders start mistaking you for a lady and whistling at you from the scaffolding you know your hair is getting too long. A few savage cuts of the barber’s scissors and the situation is soon remedied. No more sprinting past the builder’s scaffolding for you.

    5.  Because You’re Lonely. The comforting candy stripes of the barber’s shop pole acts like a beacon of hope for many lonely folk. And no one will ever take as keen an interest in your holiday plans as the man who cuts your hair every month/week/day.

    6.  Because You’ve Had A Bad Haircut From Someone Else. You’ve been going to the same barber all your life but then you suddenly started to wonder what it would be like to visit another barber. And so you scratched the itch and now, humiliatingly, you find yourself back in your regular barber’s chair asking him to fix a botched haircut. You’ve betrayed him and learned your lesson. And nothing will ever be the same again.

    7.  Because You’ve Had A Bad Haircut From Yourself. There’s a recession on so you thought you’d save some money by investing in some electric clippers and cutting your own hair. Let’s face it anyone can cut hair can’t they? But you’ll soon discover that ‘cutting your own hair’ is just another one of those exceptions to that ridiculous phrase ‘if you want a thing done well, do it yourself’.

    Author Bio: James Christie writes for UK business directory Thomson Local Business Directory. Use Thomson to find hairdressers near you.

  • 7 Reasons That Seven Is Called Seven (probably)

    7 Reasons That Seven Is Called Seven (probably)

    Okay, people.  You can’t have failed to have noticed that David and Victoria Beckham have had a daughter and that they’ve named her Harper Seven Beckham (unless you get your news from the News of the World, in which case time stopped yesterday).  Now, we all understand why the Beckhams have named their daughter Harper; it’s because they’re aficionados that have been inspired by the American literary canon (and who amongst us wouldn’t rate Harper Lee’s To Kill A Mockingbird as a seminal work), but most people have been a bit nonplussed by their selection of the second-name Seven.  As of yet, there’s been no official word on what the fuck they were thinking how they selected their newborn’s middle moniker so, in the best traditions of 7 Reasons (.org), we’re going to flail around and speculate wildly.  Here are seven reasons that Seven is called Seven (probably).

    1.  They’re Big Fans!  Well, we had no idea and frankly we’re a little overwhelmed and very flattered.  You see, we have a number of American readers, though we know very little about them, we just know that we are read regularly in America.  So, it’s possible that David and Victoria love our website and have named their daughter after us.  After all, it’s easily possible that homesick Brits abroad would love to keep up with what’s going on at home and why wouldn’t the Beckhams want to know when one of the team gets stuck in a revolving door or the other one buys a new laundry bin?  There’s no reason that they wouldn’t want to know that.  None at all.  Of course they’ve named their daughter after us.

    2.  Conception.  The Beckhams are noted for naming their children for the place where they were conceived: Brooklyn was conceived in Brooklyn; Romeo was conceived in the back of an Alfa Romeo; Cruz was conceived on a cruise (spelling apparently isn’t their strong suit) and it’s easily possible that their latest child was conceived in hotel room number 7 somewhere, or (in a variation on the theme) at seven o’clock, or while watching Channel 7 (Australia).  Or perhaps she was conceived near the River Severn.  Whatever it is, it could be about the conception.

    3.  Dwarves.  I know a bit about newborn babies – being the curator of one myself – and one of the most striking things about them is that they are tiny.  Really, really little.  Perhaps, as the Beckhams held their wee bundle in their arms, they looked at her and thought isn’t she small?   Let’s call her Small.  No, we can’t call her small, that would be silly.  People will make fun.  We’re going to have to take a more sophisticated approach than that.  Let’s be clever.  Let’s take the concept of small and be a little more oblique.  What else is small?  Dwarves!  Let’s call her Sleepy!  Or Dopey!  No, we can’t call her that; it spoils a potential nickname.  Let’s be a tad circumlocutory when we reference the dwarves.  Got it!   We’ll call her Seven.

    4.  Keeping Track.  In the manner of farmers painting numbers on the sides of their cows (which is essentially a rural version of tagging perpetrated by ruddy-faced tweed-wearers in fields), it’s quite important to keep track of your herd.  With the addition of Harper Seven Beckham, there will now be six members of the Beckham household.  But thumbs are complex things, and when you’re counting to seven, it’s easy to make a mistake, right?  After all, thumbs are only half the size of your fingers.  Who wouldn’t find that confusing?  Oh yes.  Them.

    5.  Seinfeld.  Okay, so maybe the Beckhams aren’t fans of our site:  That would explain why the limited edition diamond encrusted version of our Blowers t-shirt remains unsold.  But perhaps they are fans of Seinfeld.  After all, George Costanza’s ideal name for a boy (or a girl) was Seven.  Obviously, Jerry objected, but as he was the least funny thing in his own sitcom so it’s possible that the Beckhams ignored him.  We have too.  George is right.

    6.  Numerology.  In 2011, the number seven is tremendously significant.  We’ve done actual research and have discovered that, for numerologists, the number seven represents all manner of important stuff that we sort of skim-read.  To our untrained eyes, it might appear somewhat similar to every other number and year, but to experts (and who’s to say that the latest celebrity craze isn’t Scientology or Kabbalah and that Posh and Becks aren’t, in fact, Grand High Poobahs of Numerology or Akelas or something ), it’s probably quite meaningful and important.  And interesting.  And had we looked at it closely, it might have seemed profound.

    7.  It’s Not The Worst Name They Could Think Of.  I learned today of a worse baby name than Seven: also worse than Superman; and worse than Adolf.  I discovered that a baby at my son’s baby group is called…Ian.  That’s right, a baby called Ian.  The boy Ian.  Ian the baby.  A name that’s only appropriate for a man in his 50s (or Ian Bell) has been given to tiny child.  What sort of monster would name their child Ian?  Never mind speculating about the name Seven, that’s a question we all need an answer to.

    *The 7 Reasons team would like to congratulate the Beckhams on the occasion of the birth of their daughter, Harper Seven Beckham.  Though we may have derived some humour from their choice of name (we are humourists, after all), we have nothing but admiration for their conduct as parents which, in an age where parenting skills often seem to be lacking amongst such a large section of the population, are an exemplary example to us all.  Congratulations!  But Seven?  Really?

  • 7 Reasons To Become A Superhero

    7 Reasons To Become A Superhero

    7 Reasons To Be A Superhero

    1.  With Great Power Comes Great… I know it’s supposed to be, ‘With great power comes great responsibility’, but quite frankly they are missing the bloody obvious. With great power comes great power. Sometimes you get lucky and get even more than one. I.E.: Two. Anyway, the point is that I can have great responsibility by becoming a milkman. What becoming a milkman won’t give me is power. Especially in a milk float. So given the choice between becoming a milkman and becoming a superhero, I recommend the latter. Although if we all became superheroes, then we wouldn’t have any milkmen. I might have to come back to this later.

    2.  The Film. Providing you are a half-decent superhero – and this means you don’t die before you’ve named yourself – you’ll have a film made about you. It’ll also be named after you. Oh, and it will star you. And that’s only the beginning of it. Superhero films usually do very well at the box office. Think of all those royalties. And the costume styled pyjamas. And the action dolls. You’ll be a multi-millionaire before you know it.

    3.  The Cape. Capes look daft. I know they are supposedly the fashion these days, but the French wear them. That means they must be daft. Unless, that is, you are a superhero. I know what you are thinking, ‘What happens if you are a French superhero?’. Well that’s a bit like saying, ‘What happens if you cross an OXO cube with an idiot?’ The answer is the same. It’s an Oxymoron.

    4.  The Soundtrack. You would have your own personal one. A soundtrack that would accompany you on all missions. You wouldn’t even need a sound system. The soundtrack is just there. Floating about. Ready to be turned up to loud as soon as you do something good.

    5.  The Girl. She’s generally the one next door. You’ve probably seen her. No, not her. She lives on the left. It’s the house on the right you want. Yes. Her. As a superhero you will always win her. She’ll probably think you’re a bit weird to begin with – probably something to do with you climbing up the drainpipe to her bedroom window – but you’ll get her in the end. Always. (Unless you are Batman. In which case you get Robin. Which is nice. I suppose).

    6.  Never ending wardrobe. All superheroes run down the road pulling their shirt apart to reveal their lycra superhero costume. They then go about their superhero business before returning home for the evening. At no point do you see them return to the original road to reclaim their shirt. Nor do you see them nipping down to Marks and Spencer. The only explanation is that they own a never ending wardrobe. Or their Mum lives with them. If your Mum doesn’t live with you, you are halfway there. Nice one.

    7.  The Fight. Superheroes never lose. Even if they have been strapped to the seabed. In a large microwave. With Jo Brand. It must be amazing to know you can get out of that mess unscathed. So amazing in fact that I am now calling myself Lee-man. He’s a bit like He-man, just with an L and an extra E instead of the H. Seems worth it to get away from Jo Brand.