Some years (Radley) I get it right, some years (B&Q) I get it wrong. Yet I never seem to learn. I still make the same mistakes and I suspect I shall continue to do so until I’ve got rid of all these spirit levels. (I thought they measured gin. They don’t.) Perhaps I can learn something from today’s guest post, though. Because today Leo Parker tells us why buying the correct gift is so important. There’s also a picture of Bill Murray being scared by a pile of coats which quite frankly makes this the most awesome guest post ever.
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To be honest, Christmas sucks – it’s impossible to buy presents for people and you seldom receive what you really want (jet-pack) so this list of seven reasons to make sure you buy the right Christmas present is, for all intents and purposes, moot from the outset….
….so, let’s get started.
1. You’ll Feel All Warm Inside. This is patently untrue, but we’re led to believe via movies and such like that we should feel good about getting people the things that they want. But, truth be told, most people (male people) will merely pick up the nearest Christmas gift guide and purchase the first thing they come across regardless of who the recipient is to be. Ergo, you will see a mother unwrapping a remote control hovercraft and a young niece opening a Top Gear DVD come Christmas morning. Result of this – tension filled Christmas lunch.
2. Karma. If you buy good gifts at Christmas, you’ll bag yourself some quality karma. Dish out luxury Swiss watches to your friends and family on Christmas Day, for example, and you’ll be lucky for ages afterwards. Or they’ll think you’ve turned to a life of crime and disown you.
3. Revenge. Perhaps an odd emotion to go for on the day of Jesus’ birth but, if you think about it, buying a good Christmas present for someone can be the perfect act of revenge. Someone give you a terrible gift last year? Give them a bloody Tag Heuer watch for Christmas! That’ll make them feel guilty. Revenge…..ACCOMPLISHED. No, wait!
4. A Peaceful Life. When buying Christmas gifts for girlfriends, wives, mistresses et al, special dispensation must be made from your normal poor gift buying endeavours if you hold out any hope of a peaceful life. Buy the wrong gift for your girlfriend (after she’s repeatedly told you what she wants, to the point of writing on your phone, computer, iPod and arm) and you are opening yourself up to a world of pain. You won’t hear the end of it and any hope you had of watching Boxing Day’s set of Premiership football fixtures…..well, you can kiss that goodbye.
5. Give The Impression Of Normality. It is generally expected of people to find simple tasks easy and what could be easier than buying a gift for someone – especially when you’ve explicit instructions as to what the gift should be? Well, if you want to appear normal, then you should make buying gifts look simple and whether you’re looking for men’s watches or Power Rangers action figure, you’ve no excuse for messing it up. Unless, of course, you leave all of your shopping until Christmas Eve – in which case, welcome to my world.
6. Avoid Ghosts. If you plan on living into your later years and have never given good presents, then you’re in for a ghostly surprise a la Ebenezer Scrooge. Give crap presents for decades then don’t be surprised if you’re visited by the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future asking what the deal is.
7. It’s Christmas. What are you doing reading this? You should be out panic buying presents for your loved ones! No matter how difficult it is buying Christmas presents, there’s no excuse for not trying so get online (if you’re lazy) or on the high street (if you’re resilient to cold) and give that debit or credit (are you sure?) card a work out.
