7 Reasons

Tag: flag

  • Guest Post: 7 Reasons You Should Visit Turkey

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons You Should Visit Turkey

    Turkey is enjoying a growing reputation as a favourite tourist destination for people from all over the world. The brochure will tell you that this is because the resorts are first class, the beaches are clean and the cities are fun places to be. All true of course, but why else should you visit Turkey – reasons you will not see in the latest tour company brochure?

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons You Should Visit Turkey

    1.  Buy Some Cheap Tat. Do you have a few birthdays coming up that means you will have to fork out for expensive presents you just know the recipient will only moan about? If yes, head to Turkey. The markets there are huge and full to the brim with exotic presents such as flawless jewellery, the finest carpets and silks. Move swiftly pass these items, though, and pick up some genuinely appalling counterfeit t-shirts from ‘Nikey’ and ‘Addidass’ for about 75 pence each. No one will notice the difference. Probably.

    2.  Smoke A Few Years Off Your Life. Anyone else a bit fed up of the anti-smoking brigade? Even non-smokers sometimes agree that the restrictions placed on smokers are a bit harsh. But if you want to puff away where you want or in a place where it is actually encouraged, head to a Turkish shisha bar. These are a smoker’s paradise and a week spent in these bars should knock a few years off your life. What better way to stick it to the man?

    3.  Burn The Pastiness Away. It is not an exact science, but – on the whole – women love the sight of pasty skin, burnt to a crisp and starting to peel. In order to get this look, it is important to spend a good few weeks in the sun with scant respect for its power. With temperatures reaching the mid-thirties in costal resorts, Turkey Holidays are ideal for perfecting this look. You’ll get a nice, healthy, red glow if nothing else.

    4.  Kebab Heaven. When at home it can be difficult to find an excuse to buy a kebab. The greasy and fat heavy late-night snack is the ultimate accompaniment to beer and is scientifically proven to make you feel 100% better instantly. So where better to visit than the country that invented it? A trip to a kebab house is a genuine cultural experience. Not bad, eh?

    5.  Walk Around In A Fluffy White Robe. You may not be aware, but Turkish baths originated in Turkey. And, what do you think of when imagining public baths? Yes, that’s right. White fluffy robes. Now, you might not actually get a big robe to wear when you visit, but it is worth the trip just to see if you do or not. If you don’t, just chill and generally be a bit lazy.

    6.  Meet Up With Fellow Countrymen. The point of going abroad is to experience life as it is at home. Just in a warmer climate. If this is an approach you take to holidays, you’ll love Turkey. There are more British in Marmaris then there are in Manchester. So it is well worth flying thousands of miles to experience this phenomenon. After all, why integrate with the locals when you could have a beer with Pistol Pete from Bristol?

    7.  Buy A Fez. The Fez, made famous by Tommy Cooper and no one else, is an item of clothing worn on the head, commonly referred to as a hat. Wearing such a garment instantly makes you hilarious and is a truly unique piece of comedy that no one else has ever attempted to recreate when on cheap holidays abroad to Turkey. For added laughs and respect from your fellow travellers, wear the Fez at every opportunity. And that includes the flight home.

    These are just seven reasons to visit Turkey. But there are literally hundreds. If you can think of some more, let us know!

    Written by Ricky Durrance for Beat the Brochure.

  • 7 Reasons to be…an Icetalian!

    7 Reasons to be…an Icetalian!

    I’ve often been told that I’m more Italian than English.  I like coffee, tiramisu and risotto more than I like tea, trifle and Yorkshire puddings; I like Fiat 500s more than I like Minis; I like sun more than rain; I like waving my arms around more than I like…er…not waving my arms around.  All the signs are there.  But last week I had a bit of a revelation.  As I was celebrating March 1st (and the end of my traditional February abstinence) a friend tweeted me.  March 1st is Beer Day in Iceland, he informed me.  That’s funny.  March 1st – the first day of the month that has my name at the start of it (this is Marc, by the way, not Jon.  The month with his name in it is Jonuary) – is my Beer Day too.  Perhaps I’m not just Italian, I thought, perhaps I’m part-Icelandic too.  Maybe I’m…um… an…Icetalian!  From Icetalia!  Even if I’m not, here are seven reasons that I should be.

    the flags of Italia and Iceland

     

    1.  What’s in a Name? Is there a cooler word than Icetalian?  Well, perhaps mantacular or shabazzle, but they’re only really words in my head.  If you stack Icetalian up against actual words that other people would recognise it comes out rather well.  It contains ice, which is an actual cool thing, and talian, which isn’t a thing at all, though it still manages to be evocative of Vespas and sunglasses.  If you’re an Icetalian you’re instantly cool.  It’s like being named Jet or Raffaela.

     

    2.  Cuisine.  Icetalian food would be the best fusion-cuisine in the world.  Italian cooking is already renowned the world over, featuring tiramisu, pasta, tiramisu, risotto, tiramisu, ice cream, tiramisu, bean stews, tiramisu and tiramisu.  In short, it’s awesome.  How, you’re probably wondering, can that be improved?  Well, Icelandic food consists of salted fish, salted lamb, more salted fish and some other salted stuff.  So essentially Icetalian cuisine would be Italian food but with more salt.  And salt, as we know, improves all food.  Has anyone with a tall white hat ever stuck a spoon in a pan and, on tasting the contents, said “Hmm.  I think it needs less salt”?  No, of course they haven’t.   Everything always requires more salt.  Even salt, probably.

     

    3.  Sightseeing.  What’s the most famous tourist attraction in Iceland?  No, it’s not Kerry Katona’s prawn ring, it’s the Icelandic Phallological Museum; that’s right, a whole museum devoted to the penis.  But Iceland’s a cold place, whereas Icetalia (which would have a more temperate climate halfway between that of Iceland and Italy) would be much warmer.  This would make the Icetalian Phallological Museum twice as impressive as the Icelandic one, even though it would have the same number of exhibits.

     

    4.  Expression.  Italians are a voluble and wildly expressive people who, in conversation, communicate as much with their gestures as they do with their words.  The people of Iceland, being rather more reticent Scandinavian types do not.  They prefer to emote by not expressing anything at all.  Ever.  Icetalians would be a happy and healthy blend of these two styles of expression.  If it goes right, they’ll be similar to the English and will express themselves in a physically moderate and understated way, and if it goes wrong then during conversation half of the average Icetalian’s body will remain absolutely, rigidly still while the other half will be an exuberant, wildly-flailing blur of expression that could resemble Riverdance: Officially The Stupidest Thing In The History Of The World.*  I’m hoping that it will be the former, obviously.  A land where people communicate with each other via the medium of Riverdance: Officially The Stupidest Thing In The History Of The World would be dreadful.  And deafening.

     

    5.  Venice.  I love Venice.  It’s bloody marvellous.  If they (whoever they are) were taking nominations for an eighth wonder of the world, I would nominate Venice.  But the Icetalian Venice would be even better, because it would be almost exactly the same as the Italian version, but with ice skating during the winter months and sleighs instead of gondolas.  And there’d be fewer American tourists because they’d fall through the ice.  It would be a true winter wonderland as well as being a summer one.

     

    6.  The Flag.  The Icetalian flag would contain the colours red, blue, green and white.  That’s all of the primary colours on one piece of cloth plus white, which is the colour of nothing when the lights are on.  It doesn’t contain black, which is nothing in the dark, but you can’t have everything.  Though with all of the primary colours, perhaps you can.  In any event, the Icetalian flag will clash with just about every imaginable outfit so nationalism will be kept to a minimum.  It’ll be a nicer place to live.

     

    7.  Names.  Icetalians would have better names than just about everyone else.  In Iceland, the tradition is that the first name of the father becomes the surname of his sons and daughters.  Thus the daughters of Gudmund Magnusson get the surname Gudmunsdottir, and the sons of Gudmund Magnusson get the surname Gudmundson.  Why this doesn’t lead to irresponsible people giving their children the first names Son and Alison, I don’t know.  Then, if their children did the same thing (any why wouldn’t they?), they’d end up with grandchildren called Son Sonson and Alison Sondottir. Within several generations, the Icelandic telephone directory would contain names likes Alison Sonsonsonsonsonsonsonsonsonsonsdottir and Son Sonsonsonsonsonsonsonsonsonson and would be visible from space.  It would be brilliant.  Why no one from Iceland had ever invited me to name anything I don’t know.  Icetalian names would also be amazing (and only slightly shorter).  Icetalian people would be called things like Ambrosiano Giordanoson and Ausilatrice Zoccolittosdottir.  This would make introducing people to each other much more fun and ink manufacturers would be the richest people in the land.  Oh, and this would also mean that school would finish at about the same time that the calling of the register ended, so teachers wouldn’t have to prepare lessons and children wouldn’t have to sit through them.  The people of Icetalia would be thick, but happy.  And work in my ink factory.  I’m moving to Icetalia, it’s going to be brilliant!

     

    *And now that I’ve mentioned it, how did Riverdance: Officially The Stupidest Thing In The History Of The World even come about?  Someone must have done it first.  Why didn’t other people just point and laugh at them?  And who the hell was the second person to do it?  Who, on witnessing someone clippity-clopping about like a deranged horse with a broomstick up their bottom and total paralysis of the arms and head, would think I want to dance like that person?  There is nothing about Riverdance: Officially The Stupidest Thing In The History Of The World that makes any sense.  At all.