Tag: Excuses

Guest Post: 7 Reasons You Forgot To Pick The Children Up From School

It sounds terrible, but I would be willing to bet that there isn’t a single person reading this who hasn’t picked their children up from school late at least once – talking to some of the parents I know, here are some of the reasons they gave me for ‘running late’…

1. You Were Playing Farmville. In fact all of those highly-addictive Facebook games should come with health warnings, “May cause you to lose large chunks of your day.”. Or, at the very least, they should come with in-game reminders like, “Step away from the computer and pick up your offspring – you can always beat Claire’s Bejewelled score later.”.

2. You Were Trying On That Dress Again. Hands up who has ever dropped the children at school in the morning, popped to the high street and still found yourself looking for that perfect cocktail dress ay 3pm? I’ve often found myself battling the shopping devil inside that is telling you to go and try the dress on again for the twelfth time. The children can probably walk home. They need to grow up sometime, right?! 🙂

3. You Were Gossiping. As the old saying goes; “time flies when you’re speculating with your best friend about her cougar of a neighbour’s latest toyboy”.

4. You Were Playing Bingo. Whether you popped in for an early session with the other mums or got engrossed in some of the cute bingo games online.

5. You Had To Stay And Laugh At Your Boss’ Jokes. Ah, the dreaded afternoon meeting where your boss’ showboating drags on a little too long. You’re checking your watch, but he is telling the most drawn out joke in the world. And he keeps getting it wrong. But hey, you’re trying to climb the ladder so you put on a brave face and attempt to chuckle in the right places whilst thinking about what you’ve got for dinner.

6. Those Pesky Soap Operas Were Just A Little Too Gripping. As you sit enjoying the last peaceful cup of tea for the day, wondering if that woman will make it out alive, who’s the daddy of that baby or if she really did bury her husband under the shed – don’t forget that it isn’t real. The children are waiting in the playground so you’d better get a wiggle on…

7. Some Legitimate Reason. There really are quite a few legitimate reasons for running late. The previous six probably aren’t going to cut it – I doubt your child’s teacher will take kindly to you telling them you wanted to finish your game of Pathwords. Running late and temporarily forgetting to pick up your kids doesn’t make you a bad parent – we’re all busy and we’re all human.

January 17, 2012
7 Reasons These Excuses Are Not Silly

Ministers have released the top ten ‘silliest’ excuses as used by benefit cheats. If you haven’t read them yet, you’ll be able to watch the countdown on BBC Three later this year. It’s narrated by Richard Bacon with insights from a bloke who once pretended he didn’t work in Lidl. Understandably. My issue with this programme is that it’s clearly going to be an excuse to laugh at people who are unable to articulate. As such they sound stupid. Having looked through the excuses I am saddened that they are are deemed silly. At least seven are very legitimate. Here’s why:

Ladder Therapy

1. “I had no idea my wife was working! I never noticed her leaving the house twice a day in a fluorescent jacket and a ‘Stop Children’ sign.” – Hardly surprising given that this man is obviously blind. The ‘Stop Children’ signs don’t come in braille you know.

2. “I wasn’t aware my wife was working because her hours of work coincided with the times I spent in the garden shed.” – This man’s wife was clearly hiding the fact that she worked by playing an elaborate game of hide and seek. Every morning she told her husband to hide. He scurried off to the shed and only appeared when his wife returned home and shouted, “I give up!”

3. “He does come here every night and leave in the morning and, although he has no other address, I don’t regard him as living here.” – Shelter are a fantastic charity. For them to be pulled up on this is a disgrace and an insult. I suspect the thousands of volunteers who give up their time to help those less fortunate than themselves feel really great now. Well done ministers.

4. “I didn’t declare my savings because I didn’t save them, they were given to me.” – Is having a basic grasp on the English language seen as a bad thing now then? Surely to declare savings under the pretence that you saved them is fraud?

5. “I wasn’t using the ladders to clean windows, I carried them for therapy for my bad back.” – A man (or woman) with a whole lot of common sense. Instead of spending his (or her) benefits on expensive therapists, he (or she) purchased a ladder. It was just as effective and instead of weekly payments of £40, cost just an initial £15. I don’t understand why ministers have a problem with this. Surely they want people to show initiative? If people can find methods of lowering their outgoings how is that not a good thing? One day this man (or woman) might buy a bucket and become a window cleaner. Good for him (or her).

6. “We don’t live together he just comes each morning to fill up his flask” – Well, this clearly shows that sexism is still rife in the ministerial hood doesn’t it? Just because this woman is single, it doesn’t mean she wants to get into a relationship with every builder whose bum she spies. This woman is perfectly entitled to share her tea bags with whomever she wants. It’s 2011 for goodness sake.

7. “It wasn’t me working, it was my identical twin.” – Which only goes to prove that one half of Jedward always mimes.

May 31, 2011
7 Reasons To Embrace Christmas Traffic Jams

Strictly speaking, there is no such thing as a Christmas traffic jam, in the same way as there is no such thing as a Christmas turkey, but you know what I mean. Which is just as well, because if I had used ‘7 Reasons To Embrace The Traffic Jams You Experience While Travelling Somewhere For Christmas’ both of you may have decided not to read. I’m glad you have though, because I have importance to impart on you. If you are travelling this Christmas, this is the most helpful thing you will read this half-hour.

1. In-Laws. If you are very lucky, your in-laws, or – if you are sans wedding-ring – your partner’s family, will be normal. This is fairly uncommon however, so we shall assume that the in-laws are a weird bunch. The mother-in-law smokes a pipe and keeps singing sea shanties and the father-in-law insists on wearing novelty ties and very little else. That type of weird. The type of weird that means you want to spend as little time in their company as possible over Christmas. The type of weird that makes traffic jams seem like a little piece of heaven.*

2. Christmas Playlist. Unless you really are a Scrooge (or deaf), Christmas songs evoke the festive spirit. And no one can tell me that after listening to Wham! and Chris Rea over and over and over and over and over again you’re not going to be in the mood for mulled wine. And beer. And brandy. And anything else that might numb the pain.

3. Excuses. Despite having 364 days to buy your loved one a present, you seem to have forgotten to buy one. This means you need a damn good excuse. And to think of a damn good excuse you need time. And time comes with traffic jams. Lots of them. By the time you get to your destination, your loved one will be too tired and relieved to care about presents. Which gives you time to whip down to B&Q.

4. Traditional Games. What with the advent of Game Boys and Game Gears and PSPs, the traditional in car entertainment was shelved. Mammoth games of ‘i-Spy’ and ‘I Went On My Holidays…’ were swapped for games featuring a hedgehog called Sonic and a footballer who looked like Shrek. Christmas traffic jams are the perfect opportunity to relive those golden days. A chance to remember those simpler times. Times where the use of the brain was more important than the use of the thumbs. Admittedly, i-Spy will only last until someone has guessed BOOORRRIIINNNGGG!!! but, despite someone not quite understanding the joys of the game, it will be fun while it lasts. Honest.

5. Scenery. Ever wanted to see Slough look pretty? Get stuck there in the snow. It’s your only hope.

6. Accents. Have you ever wondered what people sound like in the area you are driving through? No, probably not. That’s because you are driving through them. But what if you are stuck in them? No, probably not. But you should. Because it will open your eyes to the world around you. And you don’t need to do it by winding down the window and freezing to death. Just tune in to the local radio station. If you are lucky they’ll be interviewing someone who thought they had grown a six-foot cucumber only to discover it was in fact a marrow. And that never happens where you live.

7. Challenge. Despite what we are encouraging here, we know no one likes sitting in a traffic jam and, given the opportunity, they will find a way of getting out of it. Which is where the road map comes in handy. I can’t think of anything more rewarding than plotting a way out of a jam and then executing it perfectly. Especially if you set yourself a time limit and pretend you are being chased by members of the KGB. Such circumstances can turn pain and despair into exhilaration and triumph. And is a case in itself for joining a jam if you see one. We’ll see you in there.

*I would just like to point out that I am very lucky. Despite their annoying habit of making me look a very average tennis player, my girlfriend’s parents are a delight.**

**No, I am not just saying this. How cynical of you.

December 20, 2010
Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Make Sure You Renew Your Car Insurance

Another Saturday dawns and as it does a new writer appears on the 7 Reasons sofa. This week we welcome Chris Owens, who is probably just about the finest member of the Car Insurance team at MoneySupermarket.Com – the UK’s leading price comparison website. Right, that’s two sentences more than I should be writing on a Saturday, so without further deviation, I’ll hand you over to Chris.

Auto ©mxlanderos

I’m guessing most of you think you’re a reasonable enough driver – you’re pretty safe, tend to stick to the speed limit (most of the time), and have never had to make a claim in your life. But at the same time you’re sharing a road with a whole host of motoring mavericks and disaster-prone drivers that are a simply a car crash waiting to happen. Here are seven of the craziest (but true) car insurance claims ever made – and 7 Reasons you need to make sure you’re always covered:

1. Cars And Snow Aren’t A Good Combination. One cool customer thought it’d be easier and safer to take a taxi rather than risk venturing out on their own in heavy snowfall. Unfortunately, the clumsy cabbie skidded straight into the back of their parked car when he came to pick up his passenger.

2. Drivers Have Terrible Judgement. Anticipating traffic speed and giving yourself plenty of time to react are two of the first lessons you learn when you first start driving. It’s a shame that one unlucky bloke forgot these golden rules and caused a multi-car pile up because, in his own words, “I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought”.

3. Buses Aren’t Reliable. You’ve pulled out of your driveway and set off for work first thing in the morning when you slam into the back of a bus picking up passengers. What’s your excuse, apart from you weren’t paying enough attention to the road? How about, “It’s not my fault, the bus is five minutes early” – strangely enough this motorist’s insurers didn’t see the funny side!

4. A Call Of Nature Can Cause Chaos. A driver was caught short and had to stop at the side of the road to relieve himself behind a row of bushes. When he had done his ‘business’, he returned only to find his car had gone. Just as he was telephoning the police to report the missing vehicle, he noticed some familiar looking tyre tracks heading down a hill. After running all the way down to the bottom of a grass bank, he found his car flipped on its roof and in need of some emergency repairs… someone had forgotten to put the handbrake on.

5. Life Is Full Of Tree-mendous Surprises. Many of us drive the same routes over and over again, so it’s no surprise we think we know our way home like the back of our hand. Sadly for one daydreaming driver, he reversed into the wrong house and crashed into what he charmingly described as, “a tree I don’t have”.

6. The Simple Law Of Gravity. It’s not too uncommon to see crazy pictures of cars crashing through the front window of a house, but what about when the roles are reversed? A house was being moved on a large lorry when it toppled over and fell off, straight onto the top a parked car. Only when the moving company finally owned up to its embarrassing mistake did the disbelieving insurance company actually pay up.

7. If All Else Fails, People Will Blame Absolutely Anything. And last but certainly not least, the black arts were the probable reason for an accident for one imaginative driver, who simply filled out an insurance claim form with the words: “Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably voodoo.”

September 11, 2010