7 Reasons

Tag: den

  • Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why Garden Sheds Are Actually Pretty Cool

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why Garden Sheds Are Actually Pretty Cool

    Welcome to another Saturday and another in our long line of world class guest posts. This week it’s Chris Johnson’s turn on the 7 Reasons sofa. A sofa that has been treated like royalty in the last two years. And deservedly so. It’s been to Paris and Sydney and Chicago and Birmingham to name a few. So which luxury destination is it off to this week? Yes, that’s right, Chris’ shed. But it’s not just any shed. It’s a cool garden shed. Obviously. What other type of shed is there? All garden sheds are cool. As Chris will now explain.

    7 Reasons Why Sheds Are Actually Pretty Cool

    I feel pretty bad for sheds. They just sort of sit at the back of the garden with no love or attention given to their woody selves. It is therefore my aim to provide you with 7 pretty believable reasons why sheds actually are pretty cool!

    1.  You Can Make A Horror Film In Them. Sheds can be pretty creepy in the dark. More often than not, they’re rotting messes with all kinds of creepy crawlies in them. Take a video camera and rope in your mates. Have someone wield an axe while someone cowers in the corner amongst the lawnmower and shovel. You instantly have the perfect setup for the next blockbuster slasher film. It will be better than Saw 7 anyway.

    2.  You Can Make A Den In Them. Transport yourself back to your childhood. Clear out all that junk and fill it with pillows, blankets and large quantities of Haribo. Chill out with your mates amongst the soft furnishings and tell each other ghost stories as it gets dark. If you’re really daring, you could even introduce a couple of beers into the equation and see what happens!

    3.  You Actually Have Two Houses. Nobody ever really considers that a shed could be considered a second house. If it was painted up all pretty with a sofa and a bed, you instantly have a second home right in your back garden. It’s unfortunate that they are left in a dirty, uninhabitable state. Many people on the streets would love to live in your shed. Stop taking it for granted and turn it into something to keep your mother-in-law in!

    4.  You Could Have A Secret Life In Them. Playing on the idea that it’s your second home, you could have an entirely separate life in your shed. Transform into the opposite sex as you step into your second life if that floats your boat, or become an owl in the middle of the night. Your family has no idea where you are because, well, you wouldn’t be in the shed would you? That would be ludicrous! That’s what you want them to think!

    5.  You Can Pretend It’s A TARDIS. Why should the Doctor be the only person with a TARDIS? Tell your mates that you too are a Time Lord. Paint your shed in brilliant blue, and dazzle your friends by showing them that your shed is actually bigger on the inside. Of course, if it isn’t actually bigger on the inside, just tell them that your TARDIS is feeling slightly unwell. Of course, there is one downside this amazing plan: you could be carted off to the crazy person place. But there’s no harm in trying!

    6.  They Are Something Top Gear Would Blow Up. Now, I’m not suggesting you should blow your shed up. That would be a bit dangerous, and frankly I don’t want to be liable for whatever would happen to you should you take dynamite to your poor garden shed. But you have to admit, those crazy old guys on Top Gear would love to blow up a shed. For absolutely no reason at all. And Top Gear is a cool programme, right? We’ve all seen the infamous caravan explosion. What would be even better is if Top Gear turned a shed into a car. It would be like a caravan, but made of wood. Interesting,

    7.  They Are Cool, Because They Are Cool By Nature. Well, yes, this one is pretty obvious, I admit. Sheds are just so damn cool because it’s unlikely you’ve installed central heating in there, right? I bet sheds get pretty cold at night, just imagine how cool they are in the winter. If this reason isn’t enough to convince you that sheds are cool, then I am afraid you have wasted your time in reading this. Ah well.

  • 7 Reasons to Have a Lie-In

    7 Reasons to Have a Lie-In

     

    A man's feet protruding from the base of a duvet with a Do Not Disturb sign hanging around his big toe

    1.  Avoid The Sun. Spending an extra hour in bed in the summer means that you avoid an extra hour of exposure to the sun,  This is a good thing.  The sun gives cancer; the sun gives burn; the sun can cause blindness.  It’s a hazard.  When people are exposed to the sun, their skin warms and darkens like that of a chicken in an oven.  This is because the sun is slowly cooking us, though for what nefarious purpose, I cannot begin to speculate.  The sun is evil:  Stay in bed and avoid it.

    2.  Regress. Being a grown-up is not always fun – I am told – and sometimes a return to more infant-like-state is just the tonic that an adult needs.  Being in bed is oft compared to being in the womb; naked, yet protected, insulated from the outside world by the smothering, security of the duvet.  It’s better than that though.  Being under the duvet is also like being in a den.  And what better place is there for your inner-child than a den?

    3.  Mornings. The morning is the wrong time to be up and about.  It’s the time of day when you stumble around bleary-eyed trying to pour coffee and multivitamins into yourself in an attempt to feel vaguely human, and usually fail.  The morning is full of dull events like selecting a shirt; commuting; the consumption of muesli; junk-mail; conversations about last night’s television.   If you lie-in though, you suffer less morning and you’re more alive and alert when the best part of the day comes; the evening.  All of the best, most glamorous and wondrous things happen in the evening; award ceremonies; parties; dining out; gigs; owls; theatre performances, they’re all things that happen at the better end of the day that you shouldn’t be too tired to enjoy.

    4.  Plans. People plan things, it’s what we do.  You probably had today already mapped out before you went to bed last night.  But plans aren’t a good thing:  The CIA planned to assassinate Fidel Castro; Hitler planned World War II; the VCCP agency planned the Compare The Meerkat advertising campaign; an idiot planned Milton Keynes.  If you spontaneously decide to lie-in, you say “no” to plans and liberate yourself from their fiendish tyranny.

    5.  Toast Avoidance. One of the hazards of mornings is toast which, for some reason, doesn’t exist after 11am.  Stay in bed: Avoid toast.

    6.  Romance. You don’t have to lie-in alone, you can share your den…er…bed with someone else.  You can even have breakfast-in-bed together.  Not toast, obviously, as the crumbs will get everywhere and could be physically painful: Imagine trying to sleep on a toast-crumb covered pillow.  But, even if there is toast, it’s still quality time with a loved one, and that must be a good thing.

    7.  Health. Sleep debt is the name for a cumulative lack of sleep.  It is said to shorten life.  So, logically, for a longer life you should be in sleep credit.  A lie in will help with this.  You can also become immortal by sleeping for 24 hours per day – though modern science is yet to cotton on to this – which, ironically, would make immortality almost exactly like death, but without the flowers.  Or I may have dreamt that last bit during a lie-in, I’m not certain.