Tag: dancing

Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Rent A Self Storage Unit

If you thought self storage units were just for storing stuff in, you’d be wrong. Yes, you can use storage to stow your furniture when moving house, hoard your bric-a-brac from yesteryear or safely store those family heirlooms, but a growing number of people are finding all sorts of other clever uses for self storage units. Check out these inspirational reasons why you should bag yourself a self storage unit.

It’s a little known fact that The Beatles used to practice in a self storage unit. Somewhere near Liverpool.

1. Really Good For Rockers. Accessible 24 hours a day, and with no neighbours to upset, more and more bands are turning to self-storage facilities as a place to practice. As well as offering a consistent venue – removing the worry of where you’re going to get together every wee – a storage unit means you can lock up your kit in a secure location as well as providing some awesome acoustics! So good are the sound qualities in fact that in 2006, up-and-coming rock band Mohair actually recorded a track at south Safestore London and, although the song never charted, critics loved its “squally” tone.

2. Brilliant For Business. With no business rates and no utility bills, self storage units are ideal for businesses. Literally thousands of small business owners already make use of self storage, with business customers believed to account for up to a third of the UK’s rented space. So, if you’re selling online and you’ve no need for a physical store front, or your home business has outgrown the garage, self storage provides an excellent solution and, with everything included in one monthly bill, it makes budgeting simple.

3. Ideal For Pumping Iron. Take a storage unit, add some weights, a running machine and even a punch bag and you have yourself a fully functioning gym. Small units can be utilised for private gyms when space at home simply doesn’t permit. Larger facilities can be made into fully functioning gymnasiums and martial arts gyms, meaning that, as a business grows and cash flow increases, more space can be added without the concern of spiraling rates and utility bills.

4. Wonderful Workshops. If you’re into repair and restoration, a self storage unit can make an excellent workshop. From antique furniture to engine rebuilds, storage units provide the perfect venue for any restoration projects without the need to clutter up your own home with random spare parts.

5. Awesome For Art. Many folk look at a storage unit and see space, but show it to an artist and they will see something altogether different. Some see the ideal studio space where they can create their next masterpiece, whereas others see the ideal venue for their next exhibition. With floor space for stunning sculptures and wall space for passionate paintwork what better location for an edgy art installation?

6. Delightful For Dancers. From ballet to street, storage facilities up and down the country are being utilised by all kinds of dancers and crews. Affordable and dry, storage units make the ideal rehearsal studios for those on a tight budget. All that’s required are the addition of a few mirrors and an audio system and your unit is good to go. No more fighting to book slots at the local studio or practicing routines in the park.

7. Superb Studies. When home life is a little hectic and there’s just no where to get away from the hustle and bustle of modern family life, why not retreat to your own personal den. From novelists and poets to copywriters and freelance journalists, many professionals have chosen to rent a self storage unit simply for a spot of peace and quiet. Kitted out with desks, lamps, filing cabinets and a laptop, these unique dens provide a veritable haven of tranquility from the outside world – ideal for those who simply must concentrate without interruption.

March 2, 2012
7 Reasons I’m Afraid of Flamenco Dancers

1. Stamping. The cacophonous, aggressive, rhythmical stamping that makes up part of the flamenco dance is terrifying. Stamp stamp stamp stamp stamp stamp stamp stamp, it’s the sound of a lone Nazi stormtrooper goose-stepping on an upturned tea-chest. And that’s before they begin the more frenzied stamping and shuffling – which is beyond bone-chilling.

Terrifying!

2. Castanets. Clickety clickety clickety click. How do they work? Nobody knows. Bastard things.

3. Clapping. They clap too. They start doing this when their castanets run out of batteries or they realise they’re impossible to use or they just become heartily sick of the clicking or something. Perhaps they clap during the dance so that I don’t have to at the end.

4. Shrieking. They also shriek unexpectedly and make other startling noises. Random shrieking is enough to put anyone ill-at-ease. A woman started shrieking when we were in bed once. It was most off-putting.

5. Fans. They’re not content with all the stamping, clicking, clapping and shrieking, oh no. They wave fans about too. Well, it’s not so much waving as a sort of semi-hypnotic swooping; all swooshing and whooshing like the flight of an errant kite. The fan moves a lot, but always covers the face. This is good, because at some point the fan will be lowered to uncover…

6. The Man-Face. Aaaarrrrrggghhhh!!!! You’ve spent a while checking the dancer out – she has firm, shapely legs and a good figure – when she abruptly reveals the man-face. And it’s not even the face of an attractive man. All flamenco dancers have a man-face, every last one of them. I don’t know why, but they do. I know that there are Spanish ladies with nice faces, they just don’t let them dance the flamenco. For some unfathomable reason, the flamenco is danced exclusively by otherwise elegant enchantresses with the powerful, chisel-jawed countenance of the Marlboro Man and the leaden-footed bearing of a startled horse in clogs.

7. The Dream. I once dreamt that a flamenco dancer snuck into my bedroom and ate my cat. I woke with a start exclaiming, “fffffnuduhuh!” Scared the pants off me. And I’m quite sure I went to bed wearing pants.

February 10, 2010
7 Reasons not to Dance

1. Marital Disharmony. In the Edwardian era, dancing was a gentle affair and the worst thing that could happen while dancing with your wife was that you might tread on her foot. This may have led to some resentment, but nothing that would distract a man from guzzling brandy and smoking cigars in his library or waxing his moustache in the bathroom. Modern dancing, however, is less well structured and far more vigorous. These days, when dancing after a sherry or two, it’s all too easy to inadvertently stumble and face-plant your partner onto the dance-floor. This can lead to months of tutting, silences and chores that urgently need doing on a Saturday afternoon.

2. Deviance. George Bernard Shaw said that dancing is the “…vertical expression of a horizontal desire.” This is a fair statement. Salsa dancing and the Tango, for example, have a degree of eroticism that would seem to indicate carnal intent. What though, should we make of Riverdance? What could the stiff, immobile arms and motionless head, neck and upper torso in combination with the preposterous, maniacally-flailing leg movements of Riverdancers indicate that they want to do in the bedroom? Whatever it is, I don’t want any part of it, and I don’t want to hear it through the wall either.

3. Death. Ah, the Tango; that moody dance from Argentina; so sensual, so visually arresting and so beloved of film-makers. If you meet a lusty, long-limbed, raven-haired, wild-eyed beauty, under no circumstance should you dance the Tango with him/her because, as we have learned from Hollywood movies, you will die. It’s one of the rules of cinema that if you dance the Tango in a film you will be stabbed or shot by your partner’s jealous lover/former lover, usually in an alley outside a Buenos Aires dance hall.

4. Geography. This is a map of where your feet need to be when dancing. If you don’t understand this diagram (and I think that’s all of us) you shouldn’t be dancing. Who knows what could happen or where you might end up? If you do understand this diagram then your chances of meeting a dance partner are negligible, by the way.

5. Strictly No Dancing. Ballroom dancing is a great reason not to dance. If you have no desire to paint yourself orange and dress in tight, sequinned, garishly-hued, puff-sleeved creations (the ladies outfits are even more preposterous) and twirl around with your teeth clenched then you should avoid ballroom dancing at all costs. Not ballroom dancing also minimises your risk of having to go to Blackpool.

6. Boycott. One of my local bars has a sign that says “Do not take lasses onto the dance floor”. There’s no way you should go and dance without taking your lass, so we boycott dancing at this venue.

7. Weddings. If there is an occasion that you shouldn’t dance at it’s a wedding. If you do anything freakish or memorable on the dance floor in front of the friends and family that you rarely see, you will forever be defined by it, as witnessing whatever it was that you did on the dance floor will be your extended family’s shared experience of you. They will bring it up at every social occasion you attend from that moment on, and if you don’t believe me, ask Sweaty Uncle Richard.

December 5, 2009