7 Reasons

Tag: crash

  • 7 Reasons The 2011 Canadian Grand Prix Was The Best Ever

    7 Reasons The 2011 Canadian Grand Prix Was The Best Ever

    We were originally going to discuss the benefits of taking your own chiminea to the pub today, but that’s going to have to wait. That’s because today we must acknowledge yesterday’s Canadian Grand Prix. Admittedly, it is still fresh in our minds, so really this post is for the future. In the years to come, when people need to know about the best Grand Prix ever, they will come here for the facts they can’t find anywhere else. That doesn’t mean you can’t read today’s post today, you can. It’ll just mean more to you in 2034.

    7 Reasons The 2011 Canadian Grand Prix Was The Best Ever
    Button Under Investigation For Attaching Extra Hand To Shoulder

    1.  The Comeuppance. Lewis Hamilton finally got it yesterday. And he deserved it. For far too long he has looked ridiculous. For far too long he has worn ear studs and a stupid beard. What’s that about? Doesn’t he own a mirror? Jenson Button was quite right to squash him against the wall. Perhaps now Lewis will realise that before he sorts out his problems on the track, he must sort out those developing – on his face – off it.

    2.  The Revenge. Everyone remembers when Fernando Was Faster Than You. Finally, in the 2011 Canadian Grand Prix, we had revenge. Felipe was faster than Fernando. Until he drove into a wall anyway.

    3.  The Rain. Being British we are used to rain delays. But usually it’s while a Test Match is supposed to be happening. For the duration of the delay we usually get Blowers talking about pigeons and buses. During the two hour delay during the Grand Prix, we had Martin Brundle and David Coulthard talking about red-shouldered crows and boats. Maybe it was the lack of the cravat, but listening to Brundle and Coulthard was painful. They were mind-numbingly boring. At one point I may have even started thinking about table decorations for my forthcoming wedding. They were that boring. And because of that it was quite simply one of the most genial bits of commentary I have ever heard. They took me to a point where I was desperate for racing. After two hours I don’t think I have ever wanted to see an F1 race more. I would have been happy to watch thirty laps behind the safety car. Just so Brundle and Coulthard stopped repeating the same thing every five minutes. It was the perfect contrast to what was about to develop. Well done BBC.

    4.  The Steward. Depending on which video you choose to watch on YouTube, this is either called Steward Falls Over, So Funny!!! or Steward Nearly Dies, So Scary. I’ll let you decide, but at the time I thought I was about to watch a decapitation.

    *Edit* Formula One Management have seen fit remove all evidence of this from YouTube but you can view it on the BBC Sport website which we have helpfully linked to here. Sadly, it’s only available to UK users.

    5.  The Bad Guys. There were two of them. Both Germans. Naturally. They were first and second in the running for the critical stages of the race. The leader was Sebastian Vettel. The young master who had developed a bloody annoying habit of winning all the time. In second was Michael Schumacher. The legend and one of only two drivers who could make Ralf Schumacher look stupid. The other being Ralf Schumacher. For the hero to win this race, he had to pass them both. An accomplishment that would rank alongside Sonic defeating both Dr Robotnix and Shadow.

    6.  The Good Guy. You have probably worked it out by now, but the good guy was the Brit. (The one who doesn’t look silly and isn’t of Italian and Scottish ancestry.) Jenson Button had five pit stops, a drive through penalty, two collisions, two cheese rolls, a game of Scrabble, a tinkle on the piano, a phone call with Nigel Mansell, another cheese roll, an argument with a cactus and at one point was last on the track. And yet, in a plot that makes The Love Bug look realistic, he made his way through the field and, on the last lap, passed Vettel and won. Won! And he did it all while looking like Chris Martin. Genius.

    7.  The Also Rans. This has been somewhat overlooked, but Hispania Racing achieved the best result in their history during this race – 13th and 14th. Well done to them. On a similar scale of achievement, I went thirty-six consecutive laps without needing to use the bathroom. Best effort of the season so far that.

  • Russian Roulette Sunday: 7 Reasons We Were Wrong

    Russian Roulette Sunday: 7 Reasons We Were Wrong

    The good thing about 7 Reasons – or should that be one of the good things? – is that it never gets bogged down in fact. Ninety-nine percent of the time, ninety-nine percent of all our reasons are nothing more than opinion. Which is great, because it means you get the chance to disagree with us. Or at least it would if our opinions weren’t so well thought out and presented. However, just occassionally we do get proved wrong. And when I say we, I mean me. I’m Jon. Here are 7 Reasons I got wrong. And 7 Reasons they were wrong. Which common sense would suggest means you have 14 Reasons to read. You don’t. You have seven. Twice.

    1. 7 Reasons To Become An Artist
    Reason Put Forward: It’s A Con. You can do anything and call it art. Take Tracey Emin for instance. No, actually don’t bother. No one is quite sure where she has been. Instead take a look above. That’s Emin’s artwork. My Bed it’s called. The Saatchi Gallery describe it thus, ‘Tracey Emin shows us her own bed, in all its embarrassing glory. Empty booze bottles, fag butts, stained sheets, worn panties: the bloody aftermath of a nervous breakdown. By presenting her bed as art, Tracey Emin shares her most personal space, revealing she’s as insecure and imperfect as the rest of the world’. This is how Jonathan Lee describes it, ‘Bollocks‘.
    Reason I Was Wrong: People are making a mint out of forging Tracey Emin’s work.

    2. 7 Reasons To Write A Song About Rain
    Reason Put Forward: Grace Kelly – Singing In The Rain. Standing in the rain and having a sing-song is quite frankly a stupid thing to do. You’ll get wet and cold and the sound of the rain hitting the ground will drown out your harmonies. But if you are a songwriter then you have free license to try and brainwash people.
    Reason I Was Wrong: The reason is perfectly acceptable. Suggesting Grace Kelly sang it, is not. It’s Gene Kelly. Always was. Always will be.

    3. 7 Reasons The Tiger Woods Story Is Annoying Me
    Reason Put Forward: It’s Not Happening. If the allegations are true, a few people will be outraged. But that’s it. No one is going to make an example out of him. Tiger is too big a star to be dropped by those who sponsor him. Not even Nike. Nike need Tiger more than he needs them. This is the world we live in. I don’t care whether you like it or not. It’s a fact. Nothing is going to change so get over it. Stop wasting your time by drawing up pointless petitions asking Nike to drop him. It. Will. Not. Happen.
    Reason I Was Wrong: Pretty much everyone was outraged. Pretty much everyone dropped him. As getting things wrong go, this is one of my finer efforts.

    4. 7 Reasons To Fly With British Airways This Christmas
    Reason Put Forward: Sir Richard Branson. He never flies with BA.
    Reason I Was Wrong: He has. A few times. According to Chris Evans’ autobiography, Sir Richard Branson was so keen to get Evans to sign for Virgin Radio that he joined Evans on a flight to New York – on Concorde – just to try and get his signature. And in 2008 Branson flew to China as part of a British Government delegation on BA744.

    5. 7 Reasons Buying A Christmas Card Is Infuriating
    Reason Put Forward: Brothers. Why is it you can no longer buy a ‘Merry Christmas Brother’ card? It’s always ‘Bro’ or ‘Bruv’ or ‘Brother and Wife’ or ‘Brother and Girlfriend’ and new for this year ‘Brother and Boyfriend’. My brother is not gay. He has not got a wife. I am not sending him a text in which I may shorten to Bro. And he is not in some downtown hood where everyone goes around punching fists and calling each other ‘Bruv’. He is just my brother. I want a card that says that. Is that too much to ask?
    Reason I Was Wrong: I found one. It said, ‘Merry Christmas Brother’. All I had to do was look a bit harder.

    6. 7 Reasons To Love A Cardigan
    Reason Put Forward: The Dog. No one is going to tell me that the Cardigan Welsh Corgi was not made for riding.
    Reason I Was Wrong: In the words of the guy in Clevedon at Christmas, “Get off my f***ing dog! It’s not a horse!”

    7. 7 Reasons 2010 Will Be Great
    Reason Put Forward: The Winter Olympics. We’re only a few months away from Vancouver 2010 and what an Olympics it is going to be. Great Britain have their most successful games ever after clinching Gold medals in both the male and female snowball fighting events. Unfortunately they lose out to Canada in the final of the gritting competition, but the then Prime Minister Gordon Brown still hails the achievement as “remarkable” and “a terrific reflection of what global warming can do for our country”.
    Reason I Was Wrong: Not only are gritting and snowball fighting not included in this years Olympics, but the British Ski and Snowsport Federation is going into administration.