The first thing to say about about today’s 7 Reasons post is that I feel very guilty for what I am about to write. What you are about to read is a savage attack on one elderly gentleman’s dress sense. An elderly gentleman who no doubt fought in the War just so I could live in a world where I am free to judge him. It’s hardly the way in which to offer thanks is it? And I honestly do feel somewhat ashamed for what appears below. The thing is though, if I don’t help this gentleman out, then Trinny and Susannah will. That is something I am not prepared to let happen. So, here we go. May I present a hero dressed terribly.
The more observant of you will note that this man is wearing an MCC blazer and bow tie. That’s because he is an MCC member and was yesterday evening at Lord’s watching Middlesex battle it out with Worcestershire. I wasn’t. I was at home watching it on Sky Sports. Which is where I saw the man, blinked, wondered if what I had just seen was real, rewound the TV, watched the footage again, found the man and hit pause. I then took the above photo. I am sure you can think of your own reasons, but here are my top seven as to why he really should have looked in the mirror.
1. Trousers (Part One). He’s wearing them quite high. And when I say quite high, I mean around his chest. Unless you take style tips from Simon Cowell that’s an odd place for the waistband to sit. And when I say odd, I mean bloody ridiculous. What happens if you are caught short – as I understand is a regular occurrence when you reach a certain age? Your fly will open somewhere around your belly button. That’s just asking for trouble. And a wet patch.
2. Trousers (Part Two). If the waistband is around the chest, we can only guess at what point the legs of the trousers end. We must be talking some serious ankle swingers. And probably white socks. It’s not a good image is it?
3. Shirt. If this man had looked in the mirror before heading off to Lord’s he would have realised that the last time he used the washing machine he had an absolute nightmare. Resulting in at least one shrunken shirt.
4. Checks. Admittedly the sickly MCC egg and bacon attire makes it very had to look stylish while sitting in the pavilion, but one should know that mixing stripes with checks is a serious fashion faux pas. Unless he was trying to dazzle the Worcestershire batsmen. In which case he is a cleverer man than I have given him credit for and I feel somewhat inadequate to continue writing. But I shall.
5. Disguise. It was a dark, damp evening at Lord’s which leads me to ask whether the sun hat and sunglasses were strictly necessary. It is as if this man was trying to hide from someone. Unfortunately, on the evidence no one told the dear fellow that the best way of hiding is by blending in. Or going into the loft for a decade.
6. Abuse. As I have previously mentioned, this post is a sad indictment of society today. My only defence – and I fully accept it is both a pathetic and futile one – is that I write ravaged by guilt. There are many who would see this man and – without even a thought as to the harm it would cause – draw comparisons between him and this pair. And that is completely unacceptable. Accurate, but unacceptable.
7. Hat. Is it me or is there a suspicious lump on the top of his head? A lump concealed by a small white floppy. I’m thinking pigeons. I’m thinking this is Blowers’ new pigeon supplier. Which not only goes to prove this man doesn’t look in the mirror when he’s about to leave the home, it also means he isn’t a regular reader of 7 Reasons. And that really is the great disappointment here.
