7 Reasons

Tag: Birthday

  • Russian Roulette Sunday: Killing Three Lemons With One Cat

    Russian Roulette Sunday: Killing Three Lemons With One Cat

    Hello! It’s me, Jon (the one with the ginger moustache and no feet if you’ve just been looking at our ‘About Us’ page). It’s Sunday and for a second Sunday in a row I am in charge of Sundays. Marc has taken the day off to be in charge of lemons. The more observant of you will have noticed a new category at the header of the site. ‘Top Posts’. As the name suggests, this category features our best posts. These have been determined by a number of factors, such as number of views, but it is in no way a definitive list. This is where you come in. In October, 7 Reasons will be celebrating its first birthday. We are already making plans and the lemon drizzle cake is only surpassed by the lemonade. On our birthday we would like to announce the greatest 7 Reasons post ever. As voted by you, our loyal, not so loyal and ‘how-the-hell-did-I-end-up-on-this-site’ readers. Our first aim is to create a shortlist of ten posts. And that, you’ll be pleased to hear, is your responsibility. Please feel free to check the Top Posts (and, if you are inclined, the rest of the site) and let us know which of the posts you loved/liked/thought were bearable. Then all you have to do is check back in two weeks time, when one of us (hopefully Marc) will have worked out how the hell we do a poll on this site. Thanks for your help!

    Oh, and one lucky voter will win a signed lemon. Or two. Or ten.

  • Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Be Happy That She Hates That You Love Sports

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons To Be Happy That She Hates That You Love Sports

    If there is one thing you know about us, it is that we are British. As a result the website is full of British humour. So it’s always interesting when we get comments from abroad. We know for instance, that the Dutch find us quite amusing, while the French…erm…well let’s put it this way, we are never going to have a French Guest Writer. So far, all of our guest writers have been British. Or at least half-British*. Today though, that is changing. Because, in the first of what we hope will be many international escapades, we are all off to Iowa. Or, more accurately, Iowa is coming to our sofa. And with Iowa comes Sandra McAubre, a lady who writes on the topic of Sports Management Degrees over at SportsManagementDegrees.Net. She also very much welcomes your comments, so when you’ve finished reading her post please do send her an email and ask her what a ‘brickbat’ is. Then let us know. Thanks.**

    There are some men who would read this title and think I was nuts, and they’re justified for thinking so. They’re the ones who always seem to be at the receiving end of the wrath of the fairer sex for their obsession with sports. Every time there’s a big game on, they’re faced with a combination of excitement and apprehension – the latter because they’re worried about the brickbats that their significant other, be it spouse or girlfriend, is going to be throwing around. Yes, there are women who enjoy a game as much as the testosterone-fueled men seem to do and others who are understanding and even accommodating during games, but then, every other man I’ve met is of the opinion that they’ve missed out on meeting specimens of these rare breeds. Even so, I still persist with the opinion that you must take satisfaction in the fact that your woman hates that you love sports. Because:

    1.  You Can Hate That She’s Too Sappy. If your girlfriend/wife is understanding about you watching sports when there’s a game on, then you can bet your last dollar that you’re going to have to reciprocate the favor in kind – just when you’re in the mood for some love, she’s going to be bawling her eyes out watching a sappy love story and you’re going to have to keep your mouth and much more zipped up!

    2.  You Don’t Have To Reciprocate In Kind. Worse, if she watches the games with you, you’re going to have to summon up some tears during that oh-so-boring movie (with nary a bang-up fight) too; but then, I think the idea of keeping more than your mouth zipped up should bring on the waterworks naturally enough!

    3.  You Have Genuine Reason To Hang Out With The Guys. If sport is banned at home, then you (can hope) you don’t get into too much trouble when you stop over at a bar to catch the last quarter of the big game before heading on home!

    4.  Christmas And Birthdays Become More Fun. No more boring ties for you in return for all the sparklers you love to (you’re forced to?) buy for your girl; rather, you’re awash in season tickets with premier seating (after you give her an infinite number of not-so-subtle hints of course) for the best games in town.

    5.  You Don’t Have To Tolerate Her Friends. If your game buddies are banned from your home, then it’s only fair that she can’t expect you to lock yourself into your room when her girlfriends are over for whatever it is that women do when they get together; and on the bright side, you could sneak away to watch a game on your friend’s big screen TV when the female brigade comes calling!

    6.  Your Beer Belly Is Under Control. With a supportive wife/girlfriend, you’re going to guzzle bottles and bottles of beer and continue eating countless chips when watching your game, little realizing that they’re all heading straight for your gut and on the road to making you fat and unhealthy. So maybe the disapproval can help you stave off the food and drink you seem to push down when it’s game time and save your health in the process.

    7.  You Get Some Quality Time Alone. And finally, no matter how much you love your significant other, there are times when you prefer to watch your game in solitude (if you can’t enjoy the company of your beer buddies, of course) without being interrupted by questions and remarks that you have absolutely no interest in at the moment. So if she hates that you’re into sports, maybe, just maybe, she’s going to be sulking till the game’s over, after which you can do some crawling to get back into her good books!

     

    *Or completely Australian, which is not in Britain at all.

    **Apparently I’m the only one who had never heard of the word brickbat. I feel a bit silly now.

  • 7 Reasons Marc Fearns Should Be Celebrated

    7 Reasons Marc Fearns Should Be Celebrated

    Keeping with the fine tradition of 7 Reasons founders celebrating their birthdays in June, today it is Marc’s turn. Now, I wouldn’t be the great man that I am if I didn’t dedicate this post to my fellow reasoner. So Marc, this is for you. And actually everyone else. Because you need to celebrate the great man. This is why.

    1.  June 18th. It might be a day in June, but apart from that, there is very little going for it. Sure, Delia Smith was born on this day, but so was Jason McAteer.* It’s about time we made this day special. A celebration of Marc Fearns is the way to go. And, if we celebrate June 18th, the day will probably go quicker.

    2.  Mystery. There is certainly an air of mystery about Marc Fearns. No one is quite sure how tall he is. No one is quite sure how old he is. No one is quite sure why he named his cat Horatio Pyewackett Caractacus Fearns. No one is quite sure how his brain works. But that’s good. It makes him intriguing. The last thing we want is to celebrate someone who is 5’8, 30 years-old, has a cat called Tibbles and whose brain works like clockwork. That’s been done.

    3.  Intrepid Experimentalist. You can say what you like about Richard Bacon – and many people do – what you can’t accuse him of though, is having a bad taste in experimentalists. There is little doubt that when it comes to cats, foil and the ability to walk, Marc Fearns is on the tip of Richard Bacon’s tongue. All because of this.

    4.  Rumour-Mill. What with spending most of your days making your cat walk over tin foil, it leaves a lot of time to muck around. Generally at the expense of others. Including me. The whole thing about me fancying myself? Marc started that. (No, seriously, he did). You may think me recommending you celebrate Marc – because he makes me look narcissistic – is an odd thing to do? Well, it’s not. In fact it’s quite logical. Sometimes, you are told something so much, that eventually you begin to believe it. Marc is the reason I am who I am. He could do the same for you.

    5.  Emotional Blackmail. How could you not feel sorry celebrate someone who looks like this?

    6.  Library Builder. Getting the builders in, is one of those things that fills people with dread. If it’s not how much mud they are going to traipse across the carpet, it’s how many tea-bags are they going to get through. Which is where Marc comes in. He can build a library in 90 seconds. And he doesn’t drink tea. If you want him to come and build a library for you, send him an email: [email protected]

    7.  7 Reasons. The 7 Reasons concept wouldn’t exist without Marc Fearns. I know there are two of us who supposedly founded it, but I have been pressing for it to become 1 Reason for a long time now. Marc is the one who keeps it ticking over. Who keeps driving it forward. So if you like the concept, then it is he who you should celebrate. If you would prefer to read 1 Reason on a daily basis, celebrate me again. Just like you did last week. You remember, that day you really enjoyed.

    *I have just discovered today is also the birthday of Fabio Capello and Sir Paul McCartney. It’s okay though. We can celebrate them all. Especially if England win.

  • Guest Post: 7 Reasons That Birthdays Are Rubbish

    Guest Post: 7 Reasons That Birthdays Are Rubbish

    It’s Saturday, and joining us on the 7 Reasons sofa this week is the brilliant and wise – though not old in the slightest – Sarah Ayub.  Not old, got that.  Not old.

    A Birthday cake iced with the words "Happy Birtday" also bearing the words, "the moistest cake you've ever tasted!"  Cake Fail

    1. Another Year Older.  Oh great, another year has passed.   I mean, who really wants to be reminded of yet another year when you didn’t get round to doing all the things you were planning to do?   I know I don’t, in fact most days I refuse to acknowledge that I’m no longer eighteen.   Especially depressing for me this year was the realisation I was moving into the next age bracket, and I’m now grouped with people nearly ten years older than me.

    2.  Secrets.   It might just be me, but when colleagues start talking in hushed tones as you approach, the paranoia begins to set in.   It’s bad enough worrying what people think of you without the added whispers and giggles.

    3.  Indecision.  I’m a very indecisive person.  Deciding whether to drink tea or coffee first thing in the morning takes me long enough, so just imagine how long it takes to decide what to do for my birthday.   Every year I start off thinking big and yet, by the time my birthday rolls around, I’m lucky if I’m having a family dinner and a slice of cake.   I used to play it by ear and see where the day took me, but have since realised that these things must be planned well in advance.  If I don’t, I’ve found that well meaning friends and family take it upon themselves to arrange something for me, and that is never good.

    4.  Surprises.      “Woah, woah, bad idea.  Surprise parties are hostile, they’re dark.  People jump out and scream at you, they never come to any good.” – Dr Mark Sloan

    There’s a wise man, if ever there was one.  If you are thinking of throwing someone a surprise party please remember Dr Sloan’s words and decide against it.   As someone who has been thrown a number of surprise birthday parties I can say, with authority, that he is correct.   Just think: Do you really want to make the birthday girl cry?   And I don’t mean tears of joy.

    In case you were wondering it’s the Dr Mark Sloan on the left, and not the right.  Although I’m sure if you were to ask Diagnosis Murder’s Dr Sloan about surprise parties, he would give exactly the same answer.

    5.  Teddy Bears.  I realise that teddy bears are cute; I’m just not a fan.   However, over the years, I seem to have accumulated quite a few, and as they were given as gifts I can’t bring myself to give them away.  The clutter is bad enough but, even worse, it makes people think that you want another to add to your collection.   Please, no more.

     

    The one cuddly toy I actually bought myself – Skipper

    6.  Letdown.  Even if you do accept that you’re getting older, survive the surprise party and receive amazing gifts, birthdays are never as good as you think they will be.   A lot like New Years Eve, I find them to be a bit of a letdown.

    7.  Molly Ringwald. Well, at least no one forgot …

  • 7 Reasons The Birthday Tea Could Have Gone Better

    7 Reasons The Birthday Tea Could Have Gone Better

    Happy Birthday

    1.  The Present. Make sure you give it to your girlfriend before she goes to work. Otherwise you will spend all day worrying about whether she will like it or not. In this state of anxiety you may forget the more important things. Like taking your wallet to Sainsburys with you.

    2.  Balloons. These should not be blown up near cacti. Not only will it give you heart palpitations, you will also feel a massive prick.

    3.  Banners. It really helps if you notice before you get to the till that you have picked up a ‘Congratulations Birthday Boy!’ banner instead of, for example, a ‘Happy Birthday Girlfriend’ one.

    4.  Birthday Cake. No matter how sturdy the box looks, the cake really, really should not be placed at the bottom of your shopping bag. At an angle. Unless you want to lose the walnut topping that is.

    5.  Cocktail Sticks. There really is no point in buying them if you forget to buy something to put on them. And no, mini Gingerbread Men are not an adequate substitute for mini sausages.

    6.  Sandwiches. Generally, cucumber and cream-cheese sandwiches taste like they should when they have cucumber in them. Otherwise they just taste like cream-cheese sandwiches. It seems pretty obvious, but you’ll be amazed at the number of people who forget.

    7.  The Gingerbread Men. Don’t open them and have a couple at lunchtime just because you are hungry. It makes it look like you have decided to buy party food because you want to eat it and not because you think it will make your girlfriend smile.

    *None of these are from personal experience. Or at least not all of them.