Tag: Bingo

Guest Post: 7 Reasons You Forgot To Pick The Children Up From School

It sounds terrible, but I would be willing to bet that there isn’t a single person reading this who hasn’t picked their children up from school late at least once – talking to some of the parents I know, here are some of the reasons they gave me for ‘running late’…

1. You Were Playing Farmville. In fact all of those highly-addictive Facebook games should come with health warnings, “May cause you to lose large chunks of your day.”. Or, at the very least, they should come with in-game reminders like, “Step away from the computer and pick up your offspring – you can always beat Claire’s Bejewelled score later.”.

2. You Were Trying On That Dress Again. Hands up who has ever dropped the children at school in the morning, popped to the high street and still found yourself looking for that perfect cocktail dress ay 3pm? I’ve often found myself battling the shopping devil inside that is telling you to go and try the dress on again for the twelfth time. The children can probably walk home. They need to grow up sometime, right?! 🙂

3. You Were Gossiping. As the old saying goes; “time flies when you’re speculating with your best friend about her cougar of a neighbour’s latest toyboy”.

4. You Were Playing Bingo. Whether you popped in for an early session with the other mums or got engrossed in some of the cute bingo games online.

5. You Had To Stay And Laugh At Your Boss’ Jokes. Ah, the dreaded afternoon meeting where your boss’ showboating drags on a little too long. You’re checking your watch, but he is telling the most drawn out joke in the world. And he keeps getting it wrong. But hey, you’re trying to climb the ladder so you put on a brave face and attempt to chuckle in the right places whilst thinking about what you’ve got for dinner.

6. Those Pesky Soap Operas Were Just A Little Too Gripping. As you sit enjoying the last peaceful cup of tea for the day, wondering if that woman will make it out alive, who’s the daddy of that baby or if she really did bury her husband under the shed – don’t forget that it isn’t real. The children are waiting in the playground so you’d better get a wiggle on…

7. Some Legitimate Reason. There really are quite a few legitimate reasons for running late. The previous six probably aren’t going to cut it – I doubt your child’s teacher will take kindly to you telling them you wanted to finish your game of Pathwords. Running late and temporarily forgetting to pick up your kids doesn’t make you a bad parent – we’re all busy and we’re all human.

January 17, 2012
Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why Your Granny Will Always Prefer Offline Bingo

We all love our Grannies, it brightens up our day by just seeing them: well, most of the time they do. It is kind of a stereotypical view to say that only old people play bingo, but this is a misconception with online bingo; however, offline bingo is defiantly more popular amongst the older generation. Below are seven reasons why your Granny can be found chilling at her local bingo hall.

1. Technology. The latest technology/gadgets and the older generation simply do not mix. Usually if your grandma has a mobile phone it will look like the following:

As long as it makes and receives calls then that is all that is required. To play online bingo you will need not only an internet connect but a PC and knowing how to operate the PC and the online functionality of flash software. All of which is a pain unless you grew up with your eyeballs glued to a PC monitor.

2. Good Old Banter. Your Granny loves to talk…well, mine does. I can never shut her up, lol (bless her). What would be more fitting than a game that revolves around talking? Offline bingo is extremely social, so granny can chin wag to all her friends for a couple of hours. We tend to be at out lowest when we feel alone, a few hours of socialising is just what the doctor order to keep your grandma happy as Larry.

3. It Gets Her Out Of The House. As you get older you tend not to go out of the house as much, especially if your partner is no longer with you. Travelling to your local bingo club once a week is something you look forward to. Just logging on a computer in your home still makes you feel isolated.

4. It Makes Her Day. We all love to win, even if the price is nothing spectacular. Usually at bingo clubs the prizes are around the respectable £25 per house jackpot that are defiantly worth the 5p/25p a ticket. If she wins you grandchildren are the ones that usually benefit, so keep routing for her.

5. She Is Down With The Kids. Grannies are cool, end off. They love to do cool things and they love to be in with the trend. Millions of UK people and people from all around the world love to play offline and online bingo, the gambling sport is huge.

6. Not As It Once Was. As you get older your hearing and sight are not as good as they once were. This does not make it any better with a tiny monitor and speakers. At your local bingo club the bingo callers have voices that wish you had a remote control handy and the tickets are easy to see.

7. Using The Bus Pass. In the UK, when you get to a certain age you qualify for a free bus pass that entitles you to ride on bus for free (unsure if the US issue them). Visiting her local bingo hall gives her a reason to use her bus pass. Well, if it costs you nothing to get there…why not?

Next time you ask your Grandma: “Grandma, why do you play bingo all the time, you never win?” Think to yourself, it is not always about the winning.

December 28, 2011
Guest Post: 7 Reasons Why The Banana Splits Are Brilliant

I would like to say we’ve been saving this one especially for Christmas. But that would be lying. The truth is I lost this post in the 7 Reasons vault sometime in April. Not that I knew it at the time. You see, this only came to light on Friday when today’s author – Richard O’Hagan – queried why we hadn’t published his 43rd 7 Reasons work. Or words to that effect anyway. I said I didn’t know and blamed Marc. Then I realised it was my fault. Anyway, it’s all sorted now and today Richard’s post finally gets the airing it deserves. If you want to read more from Richard, he’s still remembering things and writing them down over at The Memory Blog.

***

This post was precipitated by a conversation which I had with Marc at the end of March. Well, I say ‘conversation’, but it was on Twitter and largely consisted of me sitting there twiddling my thumbs whilst Marc went off and changed nappies/fed the wife/saved the world/did other manly things. The conversation began with Marc comparing me to the fifth Beatle, something which I objected to on the grounds of limited life expectancy and even more limited royalty cheques. It ended with me agreeing to be the fifth Banana Split, which suits me fine because I have a weakness for ice cream sundaes (they are more edible that Russian Roulette ones, I find).

Then I realised that he didn’t mean delicious fruit and dairy desserts, but the television show of the same name. Which I didn’t mind either, because I loved that show as a kid. In fact, here are ‘7 Reasons Why The Banana Splits Are Brilliant’.

1. Fleegle. What better name could there be for a beagle? It rhymes, it has the ‘flea’ connotation, and moreover this one was in charge of one of the greatest television shows ever. If I actually liked dogs, and if they didn’t fall foul of my ‘no point in having any pet that you can’t eat’ rule*, and if I was going to get a beagle, I’d name it ‘Fleegle’ too.

2. Bingo. Bingo was the drum playing orangutan with the glasses and the biggest grin this side of an American TV evangelist. Whenever great, charismatic, drummers are mentioned – Moon the Loon, Bonzo Bonham, Animal from The Muppets – Bingo is always left out, yet that level of spaced out dementia doesn’t just come from nowhere. Today, 7 Reasons is putting Bingo back where he belongs, in the great pantheon of drumming nutjobs.

3. Snorky. Without a doubt the least convincing elephant in the history of television, Snorky (for some reason referred to as ‘Snork’ in the theme song) was the non-speaking, squeaking, member of the Splits. Surprisingly deft on the keyboards and remarkably hairy, he has the odd distinction of being the most recognisable of the four despite never saying an intelligible word, thereby making him the Ian Brown of his day.

4. Drooper. It was only when I was researching this piece – yes, there was research, you think I just know this stuff? – that I realised that Drooper was supposed to be a lion. I’d always assumed that he was some particularly mangy breed of dog. Now I know that he’s actually the skinniest, mangiest lion in history. But he did have exceedingly cool sunglasses well before the likes of Liam Gallagher were even thought of. And ‘Drooper’s Letters’ preceded anything Viz could come up with by at least a decade. Moreover, he was voiced by

5. Daws Butler. The legendary Hanna-Barbera voiceover artist, the man behind not only Snagglepuss and Quick Draw McGraw, but Yogi Bear himself. That’s right, the Banana Splits have a direct genetic line to Yogi and BooBoo, despite none of them being a bear at all. Which means that they invented cross species genetic engineering long before Wayne Rooney’s parents thought of it.

6. Banana Buggies. Would sir like a multicoloured beach buggy to drive across the dunes at high speed? YES PLEASE! If there has been a cooler summertime mode of transport than a Banana Buggy then I have yet to see it. And better still, unlike other anthropomorphosised television characters, they didn’t have to share. Oh no. They got one each. Being a Banana Split meant never having to wonder which seat you were going to sit in, and therefore never having to understand Rebecca Black.

7. Theme Tune. The theme tune is, without doubt, the greatest children’s tv theme of all time. Aside from anything else, it is the only one to have been covered by a punk band** and the only one that it is still cool to sing when you are as old as me***. And definitely the only one to have been released on yellow vinyl.

*You were expecting a tired cliché masquerading as a joke here, won’t you. Go on, admit it! I can see you smiling, you know.

**The Toy Dolls’ cover of ‘Nellie the Elephant’ doesn’t count, as it was never the theme to a children’s show and they were about as punk as Cliff Richard

***Oh, yes it is!

December 19, 2011