7 Reasons

Tag: bang

  • 7 Reasons That The Interrobang Is Amazing

    7 Reasons That The Interrobang Is Amazing

    Hello!  How are you?!  Excellent, glad to hear it.  Well here at 7 Reasons, we’re uncommonly excited because yesterday, @davidofyork tweeted a link to an obscure piece of punctuation called the interrobang, which has apparently been around since 1962.  It’s used to convey excitement or disbelief in the form of a question.  Here are seven reasons that it’s amazing.

    1.  It Looks Amazing!  Look at it!  Look at it!  It’s up there!  It’s a question!  It’s an exclamation!  It’s a quesclamation!  It’s an exclamastion!  It’s two different things fused together in a perfect visual synergy.  You may never have seen an interrobang before but if you’ve ever seen a question mark and an exclamation mark a casual glance at it will instantly convey its meaning.  It’s bloody perfect.

    2.  It’s Called An Interrobang!  An interrobang!  Have you ever heard a better portmanteau word?  No, I thought not.  It’s amazing.  It takes the interro from interrogate and the bang from bang!   There is surely only one better word in the world, and that word is hereisabowloftiramisuthesizeofscotlandhelpyourself which isn’t even a real word.  Interrobang is real.  Interrobang!

    3.  You Can Make One Yourself!  The interrobang is the most amazing thing that I have ever seen, you’re doubtless thinking, I want to use one as soon as possible, the very moment that I have finished reading this piece, shared it on Facebook and Twitter and pressed the Google +1 button at the bottom of the page.  But wait!  Where’s the interrobang on my keyboard?  The evil bastards at Microsoft/Apple haven’t provided one!  Where’s my interrobang?!  Well, it’s there, just before this sentence, because you don’t need a dedicated interrobang key to have an interrobang, the mere act of using the symbols one after the other is, in itself, an interrobang.  Allow me to demonstrate:

    4.  It’s Easy To Use!  How do I use an interrobang?!  Like that!  Can I use it this way round as well!?  Yes!  It’s that simple.

    5.  It’s Fun To Use!  I’ll let you into a secret.  I bloody love writing.  I find the act of forming thoughts into words and sentences then punctuating them and playing with them until they convey what I wanted to say in a pleasing way an absolute joy.  But then I discovered the interrobang, and do you know what?!  Writing became a hundred times more fun.  Because now I get to write words and when the time comes to punctuate them I get to use the interrobang!  And better than that, I am now able to use the word interrobang!  A lot!  Interrobang!  It’s amazing!  I’m literally bouncing around with excitement because of the interrobang!  Every time I use an interrobang or use the word interrobang it’s a thrill, though I do promise never to drink this much coffee before writing a 7 Reasons post again.  But only if I can say interrobang again.  Interrobang!

    6.  It Makes You Cool!  Some things are intrinsically cool.  Knowing what an umlaut is, is cool.  Steve McQueen in Bullitt, is cool.  But now you’re cooler than that, because knowing what an umlaut is, is nowhere near as cool as knowing what an interrobang is, because the interrobang is just about the most awesome thing in the world!  And it’s still quite obscure.  And now, when you watch Bullitt, there’ll be a nagging thought in the back of your mind:  Well, you’re pretty cool, Steve McQueen, but you don’t know what an interrobang is and I do!  You’re now cooler than Steve McQueen because of the interrobang!  How cool is the interrobang?!

    7.  Interrobang?!  Interrobang!  Interrobang?!  Interrobang!  Look at the interrobang!  Look at the word interrobang!  It’s there at the start of this paragraph having a conversation with itself!  It’s that awesome!  It’s the interrobang!  It talks to itself!  There it is!  IT’S THE INTERROBANG!  I’m going to go for a lie down now but not before I say interrobang!  Interrobang!

     

  • 7 Reasons That The Banging is Probably a Good Thing.

    7 Reasons That The Banging is Probably a Good Thing.

    The house next door to us, having stood empty for some time, has finally been sold and my wife and I met the new owners and several of their dogs last weekend.  They seem like a nice couple and, not unreasonably, they want to get on with renovating their house before they move in.  The builders – unannounced – started work at seven o’clock this morning.  They started with a sledgehammer in the bedroom, pounding on the party wall, several inches from our heads.  This was a surprise.  Still, I always try to see the positive in every situation and, to that end, I decided to write 7 Reasons That The Banging is Probably a Good Thing.

    A Cartoon of a sledgehammer (sledge hammer)

    1.  Efficiency.  My wife always complains that she never gets enough done during the summer holidays but now – as she’s up at seven o’clock, rather than nine – her day will be 12.5% more time-efficient.  It’s only day one of the banging, but she’s already accomplished many things in her extra two hours.  These include: Swearing like a dock-worker; slamming every door in the house; winning a light-welterweight boxing-match with the sofa (TKO: Round 6) and preventing her husband from murdering a man in a checked-shirt.  If the banging continues for more than a week she will probably solve global warming, bring about world peace, organise her shoe-rack and discover a cure for cancer, though experience tells me that one of those suppositions is fanciful.

    2.  Numbers. The banger, bangs steadily and rhythmically in sixes, leaving a six second interval between bursts of hammering.  1-2-3-4-5-6…1-2-3-4-5-6…1-2-3-4-5-6….  I think in sevens, so my numerical horizons are being broadened by the banging.  This can only be a good thing, though it is always a relief when our numbers coincide at forty-two.  I have taken to celebrating every forty-second bang by growling like a walrus and bellowing, “SHUT UP YOU BASTARD!”.

    3.  Discovery. As I wound the duvet tightly around my head, to lessen the sound of the banging, I discovered a lump between duvet and cover.  On further investigation, it turned out to be a missing purple sock.  So now I know where the missing socks go.  They’re in my duvet cover.  At last, an age-old mystery solved, all thanks to the banging.  I also found an orange sock that I didn’t recognise: Feel free to email me if it belongs to you.

    4.  Décor. The banging isn’t just improving the house next door.  It’s improving ours too.  We were never entirely sure if the framed Japanese print above the fireplace in our bedroom was the right way up, and we both had opposing views on whether it was.  Now that it’s lying on the floor though, with its frame shattered into a thousand pieces, it will no longer be a bone of contention and we’ll have a more harmonious marriage as a result.  Yay!  Thank you, banging.

    5.  You. I do a lot of my best creative thinking while lying in bed.  If it weren’t for the banging, you’d have been reading something rather more considered and rational right now like 7 Reasons That The Age of Enlightenment Was Anything But, or 7 Reasons That France Should Invade The Vatican but, as a result of the pervasive, over-bearing din that is currently preventing me from pursuing any logical thought, or using the toilet (though you don’t really need to know about that), you’re reading about the banging instead.  So we’re all benefiting from it.

    6.  Comparison. Another unexpected benefit was that the unremitting cacophony of the banging, when combined with the sound-baffling properties of my duvet-turban, and the low, wailing sound that I was emitting made listening to Nicky Campbell on 5Live Breakfast almost tolerable.  I didn’t even want to punch him.

    7.  The Relief. The wave of domestic-serenity and abject calm that washed over our home when the banging stopped at eleven o’clock was indescribable.  The euphoria I felt at the cessation of the tumult was almost worth having endured the prior four hours of torture for.  And that was my opinion until 11:20am, when the banging started again.*

    *Coming soon: 7 Reasons That The Punishment for Killing Builders Should be a Stern Look and a Cursory Slap on the Wrist, M’Lud.