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7 (+3) Reasons Why Spain Will Win The World Cup

7 (+3) Reasons Why Spain Will Win The World Cup

1.  Gerd Muller. German World Cup Winner in 1974. He looked like a girl. 2.  Mario Kempes. Argentine World Cup Winner in 1978. He looked like a girl who didn’t care. She probably had hairy armpits too. 3.  Bruno Conti. Italian World Cup Winner in 1982. He looked like a butch girl and someone had just stolen her skipping rope. 4.  Maradona. Argentine World Cup Winner in 1986. He looked like a petulant girl intrigued by her very first...

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7 Reasons England’s Footballers Should Have An Open-Top Bus Parade

7 Reasons England’s Footballers Should Have An Open-Top Bus Parade

England missed the boat yesterday. Thankfully, they are still in time for the bus. 1. Public Transport. After their performance at this World Cup the players may as well get used to travelling on the bus. Except Stephen Warnock. He didn’t do much wrong. In fact, did anyone see him? Even once? Oh, and if you are worried about David James fare dodging, don’t worry. With Upson and Terry sitting either side of the aisle the ticket...

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7 Reasons to be Glad We’re Playing Germany (Again)

7 Reasons to be Glad We’re Playing Germany (Again)

It’s been a fraught week at 7 Reasons (.org).  First we upgraded the website, then we redesigned the website, then we had a catastrophic failure of the website which left us offline for a day and then we fixed it, and are still tinkering with it to make it more stable.  This caused confusion.  We didn’t know whose turn it was to post yesterday.  So, being diligent, conscientious humourists, we both wrote one.  Sadly, we found...

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7 Reasons England Will Beat Ze Germans

7 Reasons England Will Beat Ze Germans

1.  Ze German Edlines. The German hacks are primed to write such classics as So Klose, But So Far. Although obviously they’ll write it in German. So it’ll be something like Zo Klose, But Zo Var. Basically, Miroslav Klose is going to take a shot from 50-yards which ricochets off the crossbar, flies up the other end of the pitch and finds the net. Net result England 1-0 Germany. German hacks have their headlines. 2.  Ze Tactics. I...

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7 Reasons David Slew Goliath (On Points)

7 Reasons David Slew Goliath (On Points)

1. Dizziness. Valuev spent the whole fight looking down at the top of Haye’s head. Haye had cleverly styled his hair with cornrows. Basically Valuez was looking at lines all night. Lines make you dizzy. Eventually it caught up with him and he wobbled all over the place in the final round. 2. Testosterone. Valuev’s levels were off the scale. This is proven by the fact that he had shaved his back before the start of the fight but by...

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