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7 Reasons Not to Have Children

7 Reasons Not to Have Children

1.  Toys. There are toys everywhere.  If you have children, you have to get rid of your toys and replace them with stuffed animals and pushchairs. 2.  The Zoo. Adults don’t take other adults to the zoo, they only take children there (a lot).  If you don’t have children then you don’t have to go to the zoo.  This is a good thing as zoos are expensive and alternately boring, terrifying, disgusting and smelly.  You can see far more...

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7 Reasons The British Know Thanksgiving Must Be Important To Americans

7 Reasons The British Know Thanksgiving Must Be Important To Americans

1.  Where the hell is Wichita? Whole Hollywood movies are based around the theme of trying to get home for Thanksgiving and feature scenes in which the lead shares a bed with John Candy. Most other films with the theme of trying to get home, feature daring escapes from Colditz and shenanigans with a French Resistance fighter called Michelle in a bunk-bed somewhere outside Paris. So yes, if they make films about Thanksgiving, we know...

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7 Reasons to Run Away and Change Your Name

7 Reasons to Run Away and Change Your Name

1.  The CIA. You are the co-author of a British-based humour website which gets an alarming number of page hits from readers in Arlington, Virginia (the home of the CIA).  This scares you. 2.  A Fable. Your name is Alan Lupus.  You live in a small, unremarkable seaside town in a semi-detached house on the cliff-top.  You have formerly had many close friends and been on good terms with your neighbours.  For the last three weeks, however,...

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7 Reasons You Know He Was A Cub Scout

7 Reasons You Know He Was A Cub Scout

  1.  Good with targets. This harbours back to the days when he was obsessed with achieving. He was obsessed with achieving because in the Cub Scouts you were rewarded heavily. With badges. Anyone who is rewarded with badges at a young age is going to be programmed into thinking they will always be rewarded with badges. So they keep trying. And he probably likes achieving things three times over doesn’t he? That’s because you...

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7 Reasons That Christopher Walken is Great.

7 Reasons That Christopher Walken is Great.

1.  Hair. Christopher Walken’s hair is amazing, it’s thick, lustrous and full.  It’s always slightly odd though.  It’s never styled in a way that anyone would choose to have their hair done.  Have you ever heard anyone ask their hairdresser for “a Walken”?  Of course you haven’t.  To strengthen his hair, he pulls it for ten minutes per day.  Christopher Walken’s hair is strong.  And weird.  Christopher...

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7 Reasons to go to The Cinema

7 Reasons to go to The Cinema

1.  You are a basketball scout. Where better to find abnormally tall people to play in your team?  They’re always at the cinema, usually in the seat immediately in front of you. 2.  Gauge your normality. When, during the scalping scenes in Inglourious Basterds, the rest of the audience are gasping, groaning, covering their eyes and looking away while you’re grinning and thinking, “Cool!” you learn that there is probably something...

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