1. Eating.  Eating would be better with an extra hand.  Young love-struck couples would be able to eat properly and hold hands at the same time.  More established couples would be able to eat properly and repel the advances of their chip-stealing spouse at the same time.  Old couples would be able to eat properly and take their pills at the same time.  Single people would be able to use all of the cutlery at once. 2.  Driving.  Driving...

1.  Appearance. Tintin – despite his abnormally spherical head – looks like a proper human being. He takes pride in his appearance. He wears blue sweaters and beige coats and spreads a little Brylcreem in his hair.  Asterix, though, is a bit of a scruff. He has an exceedingly large nose and a bushy yellow moustache. He also never changes his clothes unless he’s having a dip in the Roman Baths. And why has his helmet got feathers...

1.  Pregnancy.  In the U.K., a pregnant woman can legally urinate wherever she likes.  She can even, if she requests to, urinate in a policeman’s helmet.  I’m not sure that it’s a practical receptacle for urine – the ventilation holes in the side would prove a particular problem – but it’s surely a desirable thing to pee in.  Who among us wouldn’t want to have a go at that? 2.  Theft.  Stealing a traditional policeman’s...

We, the 7 Reasons team, have decided that we should branch out a bit and take on a new challenge.  We have no allegiances with Manchester City, but we have some great ideas on how we could improve the running of the club.  Here are 7 Reasons that we should run Manchester City. 1.  Wisdom.  It is oft said that two heads are better than one.  There are two of us, and we have one head each.  That’s two heads.  Roberto Mancini only has one...

1.  You can play professional football. Or at least you can play for Accrington Stanley. A club whose trials – according to Ian Rush – include the ability to pass, shoot, head, tackle, swear at the referee and drink milk. 2.  It stops you falling over. Milk makes your bones strong. Strong bones mean standing up straight. No one will laugh at you if you stand up straight. 3.  The Milk Moustache. I don’t have to put my...

1.  Nectar Points.  Sainsbury’s give you lots and lots of Nectar points.  They always remind you to hand over your Nectar card and, when Christmas comes, you can exchange your hundreds of thousands of points for a pound off your shopping. 2.  Not Tesco.  Sainsbury’s isn’t Tesco so you can be fairly sure that your money won’t be contributing to an evil empire’s master-plan for world domination.  I once caught a glimpse through...