7 Reasons To Celebrate Leif Ericson
In two days time the population of the USA will gather together and celebrate the life of Leif Ericson. Or at least those of whom who have recently been on wikipedia shall. October 9th is Leif Ericson Day. Now Leif, for those of you not in the know, was a Norse explorer. And there are many reasons he should be celebrated. Not just in the USA, but the world over. Here are just seven.
1. Columbus Mark I. While history tells us that is was the Genoese (Italian) Christopher Columbus who first discovered America, Sir Alan Sugar’s newest Apprentice Tom Pellereau will tell us that it was the British Columbus. And that he liked his pies. Both, though, are wrong. It was actually Leif Ericson who first set foot in was is now commonly known as Newfoundland some 500 years before. Only he didn’t really mention it too much and so no one really went to settle there. Apart from his sister. Who was killed by Indians. Basically, thanks to Leif, the world is 500 years behind where it could have been.
2. Father. Of all the fathers you could have, Eric The Red probably isn’t the one you would choose. He looked like Mick Hucknell in a helmet. And Leif had to live with that. For a short time.
3. Second Father. Who knows, perhaps Leif did call his father ‘Eric The Simply Red’. Something must have happened because when Leif reached the age of eight he was packed off to live with another man. That’s kind of weird. Even in today’s liberal society. So one can only applaud Leif for sticking it out for four years. Though, it must be stressed, that could just be a myth. Perhaps he didn’t have to stick it out at all. Either way, as we’ll discover later on, it had no effect on his sexual orientation.
4. Achievement. Most sixteen year old boys these days are locked in their rooms playing Call Of Duty or spending a little quality time with a copy of the M&S lingerie catalogue. Leif didn’t have such luxuries so he went out and found his own entertainment. Including capturing polar bears. Now, we’ve discussed the issues with regards to dating a polar bear in a previous post. And that was based on the assumption that you were going to be nothing but hospitable to the creature. So one can only conclude that capturing a polar bear increases those issues one-hundred fold. Still, he did it and he made a name for himself. Not a bad feat for the son of a ginger.
5. Lad. As previously indicated, Leif was not affected by his four year living arrangement with a strange old man and he came out of that house as hetrasexual as when he entered. In fact, he was a bit of a lad. On the first voyage that he captained, he was forced to land in the Hebrides. It was the Ibiza of the day. No sooner had he dropped anchor, he had also dropped his trousers. In front of the Lord’s daughter, Thorgunna. I don’t wish to sound vulgar here, but they had sex for a month. And they only stopped for lunch. Not that surprisingly Thorgunna – who had thawed Leif’s gun for the final time – announced she was pregnant. Leif then legged it back to his ship and set sail. You are probably questioning why we should be celebrating this? As you should. It’s deplorable behaviour. Well the thing is Thorgunna gave birth to a son, Thorgils. And when he was old enough he went to seek out Leif and Leif accepted him as his son. Which, for a viking who had by that time discovered grapes, set a fine example we would all do well to follow.
6. Nature. We seldom have days when we sit down and celebrate leaves. And that’s a little bit wrong. There are many shapes and colours out there and yet we take them for granted. Bemoaning their appearance all over the garden in autumn and their lack of visibility in winter. Now I am not proposing that we suddenly start celebrating leaves. How can you? It would be fake. What I suggest we do is celebrate the nearest thing to it. Leif. Then we can build up to a Maple or something. I don’t know really. In was just a thought. And I’m writing this before I think.
7. Vessel. Yes, Leif Ericson has a ferry named after him! The MV Leif Ericson cruises the route between North Sydney and Port aux Basques. (That’s the North Sydney in Canada obviously). I think this must be the one and only time a ferry has been named after someone that the vast majority of the world’s six billion either haven’t heard of or are completely apathetic towards. Let’s change this. He’s got a day and a ferry behind him, now he needs the world.