Russian Roulette Sunday: The 7 Reasons Leaks
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It’s almost as if every other day of the week leads up to this. Sunday! But enough of that, let’s get to business, you have wrapping to do. The second most important thing this week concerns the ongoing Wikileaks shebang. Here at 7 Reasons we are nervous about it. Many emails are exchanged between us. Dozens a week. Some even make sense. They are our life-blood. Amongst our messages of affection and frustration lie bits of creative genius and ideas that spark beauty. Of these we are proud and smug. But there are also moments when one of us embarrasses ourselves. Or one of us says something that could come back to bite us in the undergarment area. These messages have been hidden deep in the 7 Reason vault. Never to be seen by anyone outside of our cult. But what happens if we’ve missed something? What happens if Marc has left the code showing on the padlock? What if Jon has put the wrong box in the vault? The unseen 7 Reasons files could be in the shed! What happens if Wikileaks has sent someone round to the shed? We are going to be exposed! And we don’t like being exposed. Especially the York based half of us. The only way we can counteract any embarrassment Wikileaks could cause ourselves, our family and our friends is a show of the utmost alpha-male. We are going to share the embarrassing bits of 7 Reasons with you ourselves. Now. Ha! Take that Wikileaks!
This isn’t an actual conversation that took place of course. Just some of the things we said in a variety of messages. We don’t want you thinking we are wierd or anything. Because we’re not. Not one of us. Zilch.
Jon: I’m a prick. Not a massive one, but enough of one. The good news is, I have remembered how to use it.
Marc: Do you need a tissue?
Jon: I am surpsied you have to ask.
Marc: Hang on. I just sat on a lemon. I’ll be back in ten minutes.
Jon: I just sat on a cat. I’ll be back when I’ve won my case.
Marc: You can never win. I just gave my wife a Hitler salute. She headbutted me in pelvis. It’s unfair when she uses the ladder.
Jon: I have always thought Steps were vastly underrated. Especially the short one.
Marc: It would be silly to keep talking about it. We know he’s a cock.
Jon: Fair enough, we shall wash our hands of it.
Marc: Will do. I’m going for a bath.
Jon: This is a potentially dangerous situation. I live near someone who uses Lidl.
Marc: I’m not sure that’s the issue.
Jon: We’ll blame the French.
Marc: I’m glad we thought it was a good idea. Shame no one else did.
Jon: We’ll probably reep the rewards in the months to come.
Marc: That’s the SEO working. I have done lots of work on the back-end.
Jon: Does your wife know?
Marc: I woke her up celebrating. She looked angry.
Jon: I think that’s more unlucky than anything. We know we what we are trying to do and, for the most part, we are doing it.
Marc: I completely agree with everything you’ve said. Do we have any ideas for Sunday?
Jon: I’m going for a run.
Marc: I always meet a cow.
Jon: That’s one more we can add to the 7 Reasons posse.
Marc: It’s very annoying when you do that, especially given the countless hours of hard work I have put in. Stop it!
Jon: I’ll do it this weekend then.
Marc: I’ll be in a field drinking beer and shan’t have access to the internet.
Jon: Well done.
Marc: Thanks.
So there you have it. Straight from us. Wikileaks can never make us look stupid and you undoubtedly have newfound respect for us. For this we thank you.
*Marc: This isn’t a leak.**
**Jon: What is it then?***
***Marc: It’s a leek.****
****Jon: You say potato, I say tomato. Same thing.*****
*****Marc: No they’re not.******
******Jon: Not the same as a leak, no.*******
*******Marc: It’s leek!********
********Jon: You say potato, I say…*********
*********Marc: **** **** ******* ****!!!**********
**********Jon: If you put a mirror on the left side of the asterisks, you get a Christmas tree.***********
***********Marc: Wow. That’s pretty.************
************Jon: I love you.*************
*************Jon: Marc?
