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7 Reasons a Komodo Dragon is the Ideal Pet

Posted on September 24, 2010 in Top Posts | 24 comments

The Komodo dragon:  A carnivorous lizard that can grow up to 9.8 feet in length might, to the uninformed layman, seem like a poor choice of pet.  But it isn’t.  The Komodo dragon is, in fact, the ideal domestic animal for many people.  And here are seven reasons why.

A large Komodo dragon from the island of Komodo walking on the beach in the sand by the sea with its tongue sticking out

1.  They’re Cool. Just look at it!  It’s a veritable behemoth of a dinosaur/land-crocodile/lumbering monster.  It’s got a forked tongue and a pointy tail!  It makes next door’s dog look rubbish in comparison.  In fact, it will probably eat next door’s dog.  Then you won’t have to put up with the damned thing barking at aeroplanes and at your bicycle all night.  You’ll be the envy of your neighbourhood because being the owner of a Komodo dragon is cool, and being the owner of a missing dog is not cool.  Even if you do a very good job on the posters.

2.  Health. For elderly people, a pet can be most advantageous to their health.  A small dog can keep them company and provide them with stimulation in the form of exercise.  But, for young, active people, a small dog doesn’t go far enough.  You need larger, more demanding pet.  The physical and mental challenge of getting past a Komodo dragon in your hallway every morning will leave you feeling alive, alert and invigorated.  If you are successful, that is.  If you’re not successful then at least you may have lost some weight. And you’ll be better motivated the next time.  And how many limbs do you really need anyway?

3.  Eggs.  Komodo dragons lay eggs.  This is beneficial as the conventional method of getting fresh eggs is to keep chickens, which are scary creatures with cruel, unblinking eyes and alarmingly pointed beaks that make clucking noises and peck you when you’re not expecting it.  But if you keep a Komodo dragon as a pet, you can have fresh eggs for breakfast without ever having to suffer the presence of a chicken again.

4.  Return To A Simpler, Bygone Age. “It was much better in my day”, we’re often told by nostalgic elders, wistfully pining for a return to the society of their youth; “we could go out all day and leave our doors unlocked”.  And with a Komodo dragon as your pet, you too will be able to go out all day and leave your doors unlocked.  Hell, if your Komodo dragon grows big enough, you won’t even need doors.  And if the elderly are to be believed, this will be bloody marvellous.  In the fullness of time, you’ll be able to bore your grandkids senseless about how nice it was in your day without keys/locks/doors/bolts/alarms or any other security paraphernalia, just good old Tufty guarding the house and the odd bobby on the beat strolling by.  That’s if your grandchildren haven’t been eaten by Tufty, of course.  And even if they have been, that’s all the more Werther’s Original and Jamaica ginger cake for you.  There is literally no downside to Komodo dragon ownership.

5.  Feeding. Now I know what you’re thinking and stop that right now: He will not find you less attractive if you wear the shoes with the smaller heels, and she will not notice that the browsing history’s disappeared from the laptop again.  Well, she will now, I should never have mentioned it.  Sorry.  Anyway, I also know that you’re thinking:  A Komodo dragon will eat me out of house and home; surely I’d be better off getting a cat. But you’re wrong.  Because cats need feeding twice a day, and Komodo dragons can eat on as few as twelve occasions per year, which is 718 less feeds per annum than a cat requires.  Admittedly your Komodo dragon will probably need something more substantial than a bowl of Whiskas; a couple of kilograms of mince, perhaps.  Or a goat.  But that still seems like less food than a cat would consume.  In fact, you may never need to feed it at all as, if you let your Komodo dragon out of the house, it will happily forage for pedestrians all by itself.

6. Reproduction. Now I’m not an expert on the reproductive systems of Komodo dragons but, at 7 Reasons (.org) we are nothing if not well-researched.*  And, during the initial minute of my study into fauna native to the island of Komodo, I unearthed this amazing fact:  The Komodo dragon does not have a diaphragm.  This is great for the Komodo dragon owner, as it means that they’ll be fantastically easy to breed: The female won’t have to disappear to the bathroom for ages beforehand, and the male won’t get bored waiting and begin to think about chips.  You can’t argue with science like that.  A little knowledge truly does go a long way.

7.  Home Movies. Many owners film their pets and then show the movies to their friends.  But other people’s pets are really dull (unless they have a Komodo dragon, of course).  And friends and family can only stand to watch a film of your hamster chewing some string or your cat staring at a gate so many times before their thoughts begin to turn to murder.  But if you had a Komodo dragon, built a small set, and filmed in a B-movie style, your pet-movies would be like Godzilla.  And that would be beyond amazing.  That would be so awesome that we’d need to invent a new word for it:  Preferably one that will survive predictive text and is easy to type with the odd missing digit/hand, and while running down a hallway.

I have finished writing now, so go forth to your pet shops and purchase Komodo dragons.**

*The words nothing and if are entirely superfluous.

**7 Reasons (.org) is not legally responsible for anything.  At all.

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  1. Among the numerous “7 reasons…” posted. This one caught my attention. I consider myself as “Herpetophobia” also known as fear of reptiles. Most especially this Komodo Dragon. Anyway, I’m glad I found several good reasons to like it from the post above.

  2. Will I be really alive after a day with a Komodo Dragon at home? Well, its huge size doesn’t really turned me off. I’m curious, where I could get a Komodo Dragon? I was thinking of having a walk in the town with it by my side. Thanks for posting this, I had a great time reading it.

  3. The 7 reasons give me an idea of taking it as a pet. It is really cool. Not only because of his size but also because of his ability. The 7th reason really caught my attention. Imagine how cool it is to film a pet that is really huge. I’m sure lots of people will be interesting to see this even if it does not have tricks to show.

  4. Spectacular! But, I have extreme fear towards this specie. I think I need to undergo desensitization from an expert in order for me to consider Komodo dragon as my pet. Truly enjoy reading your numerous list of “7 reasons….” 🙂

  5. I really found this post so hilarious! So convincing enough for me to purchase a KOMODO Dragon right away. (laughs out loud). I really can’t see myself, my appliances, and my other stuff inside the house being devoured by that land behemoth. Seriously, can my things really survive? worse is Can I survive with a Komodo dragon as my pet? With it’s tongue (shaped like a fork) coated with saliva that is 1000x Toxic (That’s the fact, it is really toxic!), i cant see myself being cuddled by that pet (instead of me cuddling it). Oh well, this post left a mark at my face. Thanks to this! More Power!

  6. Well, I wanted to try having a Komodo Dragon as a pet. I can’t imagine myself playing with such kind of animal, it would be very lucky of me to get alive in a day with it at home. LOL. Anyway, thanks for the post.

  7. Very Amazing. I really want to have one of this. I am sure that people in the neighborhood will be very happy to see this (LOL). Seriously, I am afraid to see this kind of specie. Much more if I have this at home. I am very, very much sure that I can’t wait for the next 24 hours to see my house ruined by KOMODO. I can’t even imagine myself walking this kind of pet in the park… (Laugh at loud). Anyway, thank you so much for posting.This blog of yours really catches my attention.

  8. I can think of one reason not to read your “Seven Reasons.” You are not funny.

  9. Good spot. If you can find six more you’ll win a badge.

  10. this is an awsome blog. now i want to go and buy one. where can i find one.i can see the komodo dragon attaking this jerk named josh right now.

    KOMODO DRAGONS ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  11. The Komodo Dragon is without a doubt my favorite lizard of all species of lizard but the fact is, they have extremely toxic bacteria in their drool and if they were ever to bite ya, you’d be dead within an hour if not treated immediately and I just wouldn’t want to risk that. But I loved your 7 reasons, if it weren’t for that drool, then I’d immediately try to find one to own as a pet.

  12. You do NOT want a Komodo Dragon, do NOT listen to this trash! They can NOT be domesticated as pets. They are aggressive and will hunt almost anything and can eat up to 80% of their weight. The only way somebody could have one would be at a Zoo or conservatory. they are NOT for house pets at all. Do NOT put yourself in danger by trying to purchase one, you put Your life and everyone else’s life around you in danger. Please, do NOT try and purchase one. They need to eat a lot, they are dangerous, can weigh up to 550 lbs. And up to almost 6 ft. Or more. DO NOT Think you can domesticate one, you are wrong!

  13. Hi, Reptile Expert. It’s nice to see someone else around here who loves and understands reptiles! I don’t work with Komodos, but I have worked with desert monitors – magnificent creatures, but can be nasty buggers! Anyway, just thought I would point something out about 7 Reasons that I don’t think you have realized quite yet – it’s a humour blog. Humour = not serious. Just maybe think about that a bit, then re-read the piece. It’ll sink in eventually.

  14. Cool. I’m gonna pat Komodo with my feet. And french kissing with it. Yum!

  15. This guy is class, want to read more of what he has wrote. Sik man!!! love the banta

  16. wao thats humorous,,best part was when komodo could eat pedestarians lol

  17. Does that mean if I get a komodo dragon, my sister’s silly old cat would stop dismembering my headphones? 😀

  18. ReptileExpertoftheZoo: I’ll bet you’ve never seen the videos of the Komodo dragons at the National Zoo. They are quite calm and relaxed. OF course, they are fed quite well, so they never have to worry about going hungry.

    I have three monitors of my own (smaller cousins of Komodos), and they are truly pets. This is a great piece, with tongue firmly in cheek. I wish my guys would take out the neighbor’s cats, but they’re too lazy. However, to your points, my lizards are:
    1. Cool
    2. They keep me hopping cleaning their cages and chasing them around the house. Good exercise, that.
    3. None of mine lay eggs. They’re all boys. :+( But to be fair, even the females don’t lay eggs every day, so that’s one point to the chickens. And by the way, chickens do have eyelids and they blink.
    4. I could probably leave my doors unlocked, but I choose not to. Nitro is smart enough that he’d figure out how to open the front door and go find his own dinner, and Herkie would be right behind him. He’s also stupid enough to run out in front of a car (fences don’t stop them). But he’s scared off more than one door-to-door salesman, occasional religious proselytizers, and two guys with thinly-veiled excuses trying to case my house, so he gets a point here.
    5. They are, actually, cheaper to feed than a cat (but not by much). They are, also, more expensive to keep than a cat. Especially the vet bills. Half a point here.
    6. Nitro has a “thing” about my foot. He’s always ready, no waiting. At least he’s a bit of a gentleman about it. And it IS rather entertaining, so he gets a point.
    7. Too bad I don’t have a video camera. Any one of my “boys” could take down a miniature city in nothing flat.

    Six out of seven, not bad.

  19. I have two, which is too many.
    I find it necessary to distract them with feral cats let loose in the living room to draw the monsters away from their nest under my bed so’s I can steal their eggs because if there was Twenty of these things they’d surely get me so I replace the monster eggs with chicken eggs which George and Barbara incubate and subsequently eat, which is hilarious.

  20. I <3 Turtles

  21. Once I aquire a Komodo dragon, the monsters that occasionally find their way into my home and take up a living in my closet and under my bed will have to watch out. Also the annoying rat dog that those people have who live a little bit away have that always barks at me with the most annoing bark ever when I take a walk will go silent.

  22. Why would you recommend getting a 9 foot lizard that can seriously hurt someone??!! This article is a waste of a web page. Not funny at all. Delete this trash!

  23. Stupid people out there will read this and not realize its supposed to be a joke. Do Not put crap like this online. Did I mention people are stupid?

  24. Many years ago, there was an episode of “The Hollywood Squares” where Peter Marshall asked Charlie Weaver what “herpetophobia” meant. Charlie joked, “Fear of her pet.”

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