1. Did the Captain of the Titanic cry? No he didn’t. In those days it was seen as a sign of weakness. Eye-witnesses have said he looked calm and in control. Which is quite impressive when you consider he had just smacked into an iceberg and ruined a brand new ocean liner.
2. One day I’ll go dancing on the moon. As good as You Get What You Give was, I doubt the royalties will get you to the moon. The Moon Bar in Nevada maybe, but not the moon. And dancing in gravity boots? By yourself? Seriously?
3. Someday we’ll know if love can move a mountain. No we won’t. We know now. It can’t. Only tectonic plates can do that stuff when they grind against each other rhythmically. And that is not love. It’s sluttish behaviour.
4. Someday we’ll know why the sky is blue. When light from the sun enters our atmosphere it collides with nitrogen and oxygen atoms. The colours with the shortest wavelength are scattered the most. Those colours are blue and violet. Our eyes are more sensitive to blue than violet. Thus we see the sky as blue. Next please.
5. Someday we’ll know why I wasn’t meant for you. You are a man. I am a man. You like girls. I like girls. It’s pretty straightforward.
6. I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow. Don’t tell me, you also gave some recently orphaned Nigerian your bank details? You’ve been conned. You should pay attention to internet scams more.
7. Someday we’ll know why Samson loved Delilah. Well who doesn’t? After It’s Not Unusual, it is Tom Jones’ finest song.
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