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7 Reasons Buying A Christmas Card Is Infuriating

Posted on December 22, 2009 in Posts | 3 comments

cat card

1. Design. What is wrong with a picture of a robin or a Christmas tree or a snow covered church? It may be the traditional values I hold dear, but I don’t want to buy a card that has a picture of Santa with his pants around his ankles and a mince pie stuck up his backside.

2. Mother & Dad. I’m sorry, do the card manufacturers have a character limit that prevents them from using the correct format or something? It is not ‘Mother & Dad’ is it? It’s ‘Mother & Father’ or ‘Mum & Dad’. I didn’t look inside the cards in question for fear of being compelled to rip them up, but I strongly expect that also use the phrase ‘Yours Faithfully’.

3. Messages. They are always so bloody cliched and impersonal. ‘To my wonderful parents. You are the greatest around. I will love you until the end of time.’ Yes, they are your parents. Of course you will. Why can’t it just say ‘Wishing You A Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year’ and then leave enough room for me to write whatever I want to write?

4. Record Your Own Message. Yes, you can record your own Christmas message for your parents. If I wanted my parents to hear me wishing them ‘A Merry Christmas’ I would phone them up. Or given that I will be in the same house as them this year, I might actually do it face to face. I don’t need a Christmas card to do it for me. I am not an idiot. Fact.

5. Pets. I have never had a pet so maybe I am not on the same emotional level as those that have, but I have never understood the whole pets and cards thing. Whether it’s the ‘To The Dog’ or ‘From The Gerbil’ kind, they are both, as far as I am concerned, wrong. Your dog can not read and your gerbil sure as hell can’t write. All they want is a squeaky ball or a new bit of cardboard. But obviously I am very much out of touch as Clintons have a bigger section for ‘Pets’ than they do for ‘Wife’.

6. Merry Christmas from Jonathan and Homer Simpson. Why? Why, why, why? Why the hell would I want to give someone a Christmas card that is from myself and a cartoon character? No one I know even likes the bloody Simpsons.

7. Brothers. Why is it you can no longer buy a ‘Merry Christmas Brother’ card? It’s always ‘Bro’ or ‘Bruv’ or ‘Brother and Wife’ or ‘Brother and Girlfriend’ and new for this year ‘Brother and Boyfriend’. My brother is not gay. He has not got a wife. I am not sending him a text in which I may shorten to Bro. And he is not in some downtown hood where everyone goes around punching fists and calling each other ‘Bruv’. He is just my brother. I want a card that says that. Is that too much to ask?

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  1. I don’t get the cards from pets thing either. What’s the bloody point?

  2. I had this issue yesterday, found perfectly good cards for M&D and my brother, but I couldn’t find one saying “Nan” on it. They do “Nan and Grandad” and just “Grandad” but the ones that are elderly female specific say “Nanny” or “Nanna” or even “Nannan”. My Nan isn’t those three, she’s my Nan and that’s what I’ve always called her – okay so I call her Nanny when I want something but that’s not very often. In fact it’s in the cheap card shops that isn’t a Clintons or a Birthdays where you can find the best “Nan” cards from, especially as my Nan likes a good verse in her cards, whether sending or receiving.

    And we never get the dogs cards, we get them presents, but cards is just a step too far.

    You’ve got me ranting now, Mr Lee…
    .-= Rachel´s last blog ..Save our Championship clubs. =-.

  3. I am happy that we are all in agreement. This site was made for ranting Rachel, we need more of it.
    .-= Jon´s last blog ..Swanning About =-.

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