What is it about the name Paul? Half the world becomes convinced that an octopus is psychic and half of Paul Gascoigne thinks that a murderer wants to do a spot of fishing. Rather worryingly, that was his sane half. We need to return to normality and thankfully this is where I step in. For all of you who have been taken in by Paul the Octopus, you need to watch this. He’s not psychic. He’s a chancer. Just like me.   There Is No...

1.  Gerd Muller. German World Cup Winner in 1974. He looked like a girl. 2.  Mario Kempes. Argentine World Cup Winner in 1978. He looked like a girl who didn’t care. She probably had hairy armpits too. 3.  Bruno Conti. Italian World Cup Winner in 1982. He looked like a butch girl and someone had just stolen her skipping rope. 4.  Maradona. Argentine World Cup Winner in 1986. He looked like a petulant girl intrigued by her very first...

1.  Un-likeability.  Almost every successful World Cup team contains at least one thoroughly un-likeable character: Maradona, Rudi Voller, Gerd Muller and Marco Materazzi are all World Cup winners and in their squad the Netherlands have diving, whinging, sour-faced git Arjen Robben (the only thoroughly un-likeable Dutch person), so they’re bound to succeed.  How we’ll all loathe him when he lifts the World Cup aloft on Saturday.  But,...

It’s Sunday again and, now that the World Cup has reached the semi-final stage, there’s no football today.  So, what better way to spend our time than thinking about football?  Not making predictions, obviously, our track record there is worse than…well…anything.  We predicted that England would beat Germany handsomely and yesterday, half of the 7 Reasons team confidently stated that the German defence would be no...

Ever wondered what would happen if you started a Mexican wave in your own living room?  I did.  I thought it through during the Brazil vs. Chile match last night.  I won’t be starting one.     1.  I’ll look foolish. My wife won’t join in.  As I enthusiastically stand up and raise my arms aloft, she’ll gaze disdainfully over her knitting at me while rooted to the spot.  I’ll look like a fool.   2.  She’ll look...