1.  Self promotion.  Every year, Michael Winner sends out a Christmas card that promotes him, his books and his television show.  He’ll send it to any of the readers of his Winner’s Dinners column in the Sunday Times who send him their address.  Would you want...

1.  Impudence. Pigeons poo on statues.  This is disrespectful.  They poo on Churchill, they poo on Nelson, they poo on Eros.  Pigeons poo on all of the nice statues of people and gods that we like.  Pigeons don’t poo on statues of Michael Winner or Margaret...

1.  Spots.  As surely as crumpets will land butter side down or jam will spill on your new tie, it is inevitable that on the morning you’re attending a wedding, you’ll wake up with a spot on your face.  This always happens.  The size and prominence of the spot...