Yesterday, while I was bathing, someone knocked on the front door. They shouldn’t have. Here's why.

1.  Inuits, Yupiks, Chukchis, Nenets and Russian Pomors. You are really going to piss them off. To them, a polar bear is the ultimate utility. They use the fur for trousers, fat for fuel, the gallbladder for medicinal purposes and the teeth as amulets. You start dating a polar bear and the Inuits are going to have to start walking around with bare legs. 2.  Bathroom Usage. If you do insist on dating a polar bear, then you have to understand...

1.  Charity. We don’t know of any instances where showers have made any money for charity, but baths have probably raised millions for charity over the years.  From bank managers sitting in baths full of baked beans, to bank mangers sitting in baths full of custard, from bank managers being rolling down the High Street in a bath, to bank managers paddling down the local river in a bath, it’s all about the bath.  And bank managers. 2....