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Guest Post: 7 Reasons Boys Are Better Than Girls

Posted on March 26, 2011 in Guest Posts | 19 comments

Just over a year ago you may remember Natalie Clifford gave us 7 Reasons Why Women Are Better Than Men. And, for a year, we have let the fairer sex have their moment. Mainly because no one dared argue differently. That is until one man decided to step forward. That man is brave. That man is the writer of The Memory Blog. That man is Richard O’Hagan. Today Richard sits on the edge of the 7 Reasons sofa – in an undisclosed location – ready to readdress the balance. Here, in his words, are seven reasons boys are better than girls.

boysbetterthangirls Guest Post: 7 Reasons Boys Are Better Than GirlsThe idea for this post came to me one Sunday evening. I was stood there doing the ironing and utterly failing to come up with any ideas for my own website when the sight of my wife preparing my dinner* made me think, “Being a boy is so much better than being a girl.”**

And then I thought, “I wonder if those nice chaps at 7 Reasons would be interested in a guest post which might actually increase their site traffic, even if all of the new hits are from angry feminazis?”

So here you have it – 7 Reasons Why Boys Are Better Than Girls, and one which hopefully avoids all the tired old suggestions such as ‘being able to pee standing up’*** and ‘not leaking like a BP oil well once a month’.

1.  Self-Awareness. Boys are simply more self aware than girls are. Boys know that once they have got out of bed in the morning, that is pretty much as good as they are going to look for the rest of the day. A quick wash and brush up, maybe a shave (according to personal and religious preferences) and that is it. We don’t spend time applying many different layers of make-up, or agonising over what to wear that day, because we know we’d only be trying to fool ourselves. And this then leads to…

2.  Lower Expectations. Everyone knows I am going to show up to any given event looking like I have been dragged through a hedge backwards. I’ve been perfecting the look for years and I know that there is as much point trying to get me to look smart as there is in giving Pompeii a quick dusting. If you don’t spend your life trying to look as if you have just strolled in off the pages of a fashion magazine then no-one expects you to look like that.

3.  Less Gullible. Let us not beat around the bush here. Boys are less gullible than girls. No-one has ever convinced us that nylon – a material which unravels as soon as you look at it – is a suitable covering for our legs. No-one has ever convinced us that we need to chuck out a quarter of our clothing every three months because “that’s so last spring/summer/autum/winter”. And no-one has ever convinced us to wear beige simply by renaming it ‘taupe’****.

4.  Cats. The phrase is ‘Crazy Cat Lady’. No-one ever said ‘Crazy Cat Man’ (well, not without being so stoned that they think it is still the 1960s) and no man has ever been found dead and alone in a feline infested flat, with the moggies feasting upon his decaying flesh. Being a girl means developing a strange attracting to furry four-legged gits.

5.  Shoes. Boys wear sensible shoes. Shoes you can run in (see reason 7). Shoes you can walk in. Shoes which are comfortable. Girls, on the other hand, think that shoes mean some towering edifice which makes perambulation almost impossible and painful toes a part of daily life. Moreover, being a girl means that you feel the need to spend roughly the Gross National Product of Namibia on acquiring more uncomfortable shoes than you could ever need even if you lived for six lifetimes. Boys have one pair of shoes, wear them until they wear out, then buy another pair; Girls have eleventy million pairs of shoes, wear some of them, then chuck them out and start all over again twelve months later (see reason three)*****.

6.  Driving. Cars were simply not designed for girls. This is no slight upon the perceived lack of driving ability among females, it is a fact. The basic design of the car began with the male physique in mind and hasn’t altered. Girls have proportionately longer legs and shorter bodies than boys. If cars were designed for them they would have deeper footwells, lower dashboards and no doubt many other female-friendly alterations (a lipstick holder or something). No car has yet been made like this, not even the Mazda MX-5, a car no male with a molecule of testosterone in his body would be seen dead driving.

7.  Running. Running makes boys look manly, as if they are hunting down prey or chasing a foe. When girls run they always look like they are attempting to do a very fast Charleston whilst simultaneously going in the opposite direction. Something which I shall now demonstrate by running away from this angry horde of feminazis******.

*She was not cooking because I am some kind of raving sexist monster, she was cooking because the local crematorium cannot keep pace with the after-effects if I cook.

**This was after the umpteenth interruption to reach down something from the middle shelf of our kitchen cupboards, a task I perform willingly but whilst wondering what the use of a kitchen cupboard is if 50% of the users cannot reach beyond the salt and pepper storage level*******

***I once heard the occasionally-funny Sandi Toksvig claim that women didn’t regard this as an essential skill. Try telling that to the female attendees at any large outdoor event.

****Moreover, the invention of ‘taupe’ had a detrimental effect upon the men of the world, as by the million they were denied Bouncy Bedroom Fun by their female partners after exclaiming “Taupe? Looks like beige to me, love”

*****For the avoidance of doubt, my wife is not a typical girl. At least in this respect.

******There is no reason for this set of asterisks. In addition to alienating 51% of the world’s population, I wanted to break the ‘most asterisks in a post’ record

*******There are other things as well as salt and pepper on that level, obviously. Or will be, right up to the point where my wife reads this and throws them at me

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19 Comments

  1. this is just sad…shoes…oh well, if that’s the best you can come up with.

  2. Lol, well done. I’m a girl and I think this is spot on!

  3. that was good. beats any sublimed wastage master mind junk any of those ‘wear shoe polish for an eye color’ could ever come up with. though i was looking for something more humiliating. perhaps on your next post, it doesn’t have to be right now or next week, you could come up with some thing that puts a duck tape around their lipsticks for good, Dude really loking forward for next post. any time.

  4. are you serious? Shoes? CATS? this made my day! Thank you for making me laugh harder than I’ve ever laughed in my entire life. CATS!?!? Come on.
    Even I (being a girl) could of stated a better argument. This just proves that girls have better things to do than write stuff like this. but I’m not going to waste my time here.
    Thanks again!

  5. “Even I (being a girl) could of stated a better argument.” Perhaps you mean “could have”. +1 boys

  6. ohhh well we men don’t sit at out computer desks on facebook saying that we wished we had the perfect girlfriend/boyfriend and that they wanted then to not be so stupid ohhhh well we men don’t say that we want a girlfriend that wasn’t bitchy and put to much makeup on and stuff

  7. This is the most irrelvant,dumbest, and sexest article ever. WHY ARE SOME PEOPLE SO STUPID!

  8. Also, boys don’t need to suffer other pain and they are generally bigger & stronger, also better @ math. look at me, i’m 4 years ahead of my self.

  9. Hmm it appears like your blog ate my first comment (it was extremely long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I had written and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog.
    I as well am an aspiring blog writer but I’m still new to the whole thing. Do you have any points for novice blog writers? I’d really appreciate it.

  10. And now we let you have your moment.

    As for running:
    http://www.featurepics.com/online/Runner-Legs-1293158.aspx

  11. True. Girls are stupid and bitchy.

  12. ******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************
    Self awareness – Hello ! every type of media has been in some way degrading women to feel insecure about themselves. I however do not wear make up so 1 point to me.
    Low expectations – what you see is what you get with me. i rarely dress up. i’m dressing down with what ever i feel like. and whatever i like so STFU. 1 point to me
    Gullible – you lads are more gullible. because i have found that they tend to believe that one gender is more gullible than the other when really there are more variations of personalities and backgrounds to consider.1 point to me.
    Cats- WTF!!!!! i do not like cats. i prefer dogs which are loyal. cats however aren’t good for me so shove that up where the sun don’t shine “hunny”. 1 point to me
    Shoes- hmm maybe we LIKE to feel tall? im only wearing heels because my doctor says i have to.Apparently if i dont my back will weaken. We don’t deprive you of any of YOUR LIKES. DO we????????? 1 point to me
    Driving- now your just being an ***hole. Any human can drive. IT WAS DESIGNED FOR HUMANS!!!! We arent all makeup freaks ya know??? plus i rather like driving so you are only being old fashioned and keeping up with the stereotypes. 1 point to me
    Running– is that all you got? as long as we can run we can chase you down !!!!!!!! However i sympathize with the disabled that cannot run because of said disability. so stop degrading others in your pathetic post. WE ARE EQUALS ! – MAN AND WOMAN. we may be different in different respects but in the end it doesn’t even matter.we are human. we should be united. not enemies. 1 point to me.

    You get me??? and i win with the asterix!! :-) i’m helping you out :D ******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

  13. Seriously, men who says girls are stupid and bitchy are SO gay.
    No one is better than the other only the personality says who is better.

  14. How dare he insult us like that! I’m a girl, but i don’t wear high heels and put make up in my face. This is so unfair. This is so sexist.. Curse you!!! Girls are more mature when they turn 16 than boys. Boy act like doofuses. They’re the dumbest creatures on earth. is that what boys think of us? Boys are total liars. I cannot believe they had the nerve to do that! They are the stupidest of all.

  15. Beware… you have not yet experienced a woman’s anger… especially when its a insult.

  16. Haha, good stuff :)

  17. 1. Yeah I spend time on my hair. But I’m not this stereotypical woman you seem to have in mind. I take less than 30 minutes to get ready 1 minute to pick out my clothes. I don’t wear make up, at all. This is not due to religious beliefs but my own preference. 2. I wear a hoodie and a pair of jeans most of the time. Do you think I’m striving to look like a runway model? 3. I own 2 pairs of shoes. I only throw my old clothes out that I’ve grown to old of. I wear the same kind of clothes year round. 4. I know many woman that hate cats and love dogs. Invalid reason. 5. Did I mention that my two pairs of shoes were gym shoes that I also wear year round. 6. What the fuck? You’re so desperate for a number 6 you pull this from your ass? Well honestly I’ve seen women that look like men the only thing their missing is balls and a mans face. 7. Running?!!! Really just like number 6 you pull this from your ass? Guess what I’ve seen boys run exactly as you have described girls running. Things you should have written: 1. No periods, no cramp. Which leads to number 2: can’t get pregnant cant give birth. 3. Men don’t have to worry about some guy checking out your chest. 4. Men don’t have bitch fights over stupid shit. 5. We have two tits to hit. Double the pain of your balls getting hit. 6.men don’t have to worry about the heat. Yeah you trying wearing a shirt in the middle of summer 110 degree weather. Yeah you take your shirt off its fine. Not like females all wish they could do the same. 7. Woman deal with more stress than men, naturally. However I am not saying men don’t have stress. Just that at moments they can turn it off while woman stress more and more about it. You don’t think we want this particular stress reliever of only thinking with your left or right side of brain.

  18. I Looked atthis and i (a girl) do not use the hideous stuff known as make up, i don’t think clothes have “seasons”, i hate cats, i hate high heels and love running shoes, and last this is all based on a stereo type.

  19. Well all this I’s true the running hell yeah my gf got rape she ran and ran bust still got caught by him still pissed at the guy though

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