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7 Reasons That I Hate the M&S Dine in for £10 Deal

Posted on March 21, 2011 in Top Posts | 101 comments

Marks and Spencer have a Dine in for £10 meal deal in which you select a main course, a side-dish, a dessert course and a bottle of wine and pay only ten pounds for them.  Other supermarkets have similar deals but I don’t shop at them, so I’m only qualified to write about my abject hatred of the M&S meal deal, which seems to be aimed solely at people who dine together in even numbers.  Anyway, here are 7 Reasons that I loathe it.  With every fibre of my being.

Grrr.

1.  They’ve Got It Surrounded.  It’s the weekend and there they all are.  The throng.  A grey horde of people aged over fifty-five standing four-deep, apparently transfixed, around the Dine in for £10 (But Only If There Are Precisely 2.0 Of You And Absolutely No Singletons Or Children Welcome) display.  Some of them are actually viewing the food, picking it up and inspecting it, but many are not.  A lot of these people seem not to have any involvement in the decision over what to eat at all, but there they stand, in the way of anyone else who might conceivably want to see the food.  My wife, for example, will want to see the food.  As will other customers so, if you’re not actively looking at the food, why not step away from the food?  Hello!  Hello!  We want to see the food!  Actually, I can already see the food – as all people over the age of fifty-five are tiny – but I can never get within nine feet of it for fear of damaging the doddering Lilliputians as I lumber through the waist-high mass of grey to get to the growers choice salad bag.  Get out of the way!  Other people want to see the food!

2.  It’s A Compromise.  Putting together a meal from the Dine in for £10 menu is a study in the art of compromise.  And compromise is an abomination.  Did Churchill compromise?  Rarely.  Did Neville Chamberlain compromise?  Yes.  Ergo, compromise is abominable and speaks with a Birmingham accent.  So when my wife and I put together a meal from the Dine in for £10 menu it becomes a power-struggle that even the UN would back away interceding in (we don’t have any oil, for one thing).  I approach the menu searching for the most interesting and tasty thing there, and my wife approaches it searching for the most insipidly dull and bland thing that they have which, in turn, causes me to become angry and refuse to compromise further on any of the other courses or the wine (just imagine Hitler food-shopping or, if  you shop at the same branch of M&S as me, look for the angry giant bellowing “Who the hell has fish and chips with a side dish of rosemary new potatoes?!”).  So in the end, neither of us get the meal we want.  I can’t really blame M&S for this, it’s my own fault.  If I wanted to eat nice, tasty, well balanced meals I should have followed Simon Cowell’s example and married myself.

3.  It’s Discriminatory.  I’m not a single person but, between bouts of not being single, I have been.  I remember it well; a time when I would always find things exactly where I left them and had much more space in bed.  But single people today need that extra space in bed because they are required to eat twice as much as people in couples to take advantage of the Dine in for £10 offer which will, ironically, increase their chances of remaining single.  Or perhaps I’m being fanciful there.  No one (in Europe) is actually going to eat twice as much to take advantage of a special offer, so the offer discriminates against single people.  But M&S don’t care.  They seem perfectly happy to condemn the single to evenings of dining – on full price non-special food – alone while viewing whatever television programme they fancy without interruption and in their pants.  But surely being single is tough enough without being excluded from special offers?  What if you were unfortunate enough to be a widower?  What if, after the two of you have enjoyed a Saturday night ritual of dining in for £10 for a few years, your tiny grey husband dies (possibly crushed to death by a giant food-Nazi next to the ultimate potato mash)? There’d be no more Dine in for £10 menu for you.  How iniquitous.

4.  It Forces Extreme Measures.  Many of the best ideas are borne out of adversity and, much in the noble tradition of Barnes Wallis inventing the bouncing bomb or Soviet cosmonauts using pencils in space, I have formulated a plan; a method by which single people might take full advantage of the Dine in for £10 offer and stick it to the man by enjoying a spinach and beef roulade followed by a raspberry panna cotta at the cheaper price.  Single people need to find a food-buddy.  They can do it by placing a personal ad like this:

 Fiscally frugal food-lover (Male, early thirties, GSOH, NS, NK) with a penchant for rosemary and lemon crusted seabass and the green pea, bean and vegetable layer seeks similar to take advantage of the M&S Dine in for £10 offer.  Must be willing to consume a lesser share of the profiteroles.  All applications welcome but please, no time-wasters or merlot-drinkers.

By getting organised, single people can take advantage of the Dine in for £10 offer.  But should single people have to resort to their guile, cunning and organisational adroitness to take advantage of the same offers that are unconditionally granted to couples?*

5.  It’s Being Discriminatory Again.  My wife and I qualify for the meal deal now, but what if we were to have a child one day?  It’s not inconceivable (and nor are children, hopefully).  Or three children?  We’d be disqualified from the offer.  Cruelly cast asunder by Marks and Spencer.  Because you can’t feed three or five (or any other odd number, I won’t list them all) people from the M&S Dine in for £10 menu.  In fact, only one person has ever successfully accomplished a similar feat:  His name was Jesus and what he did with the wrong quantity of food for a gathering of people is spoken of as a miracle (which is a biblical word meaning fiction).  So – miracles aside – families that contain an odd number of members are excluded from the deal too.  The father, the son and the holy ghost can’t take advantage of the Dine in for £10 deal but Hitler and Eva Braun can.

6.  Paying For The Thing.  Okay, so – after about an hour of pushing tiny grey people around and bickering with your partner about broccoli – you’ve carefully assembled all of the components of the meal and you take them to the checkout.  But when you get there they don’t ask you for ten pounds.  They ask you for seventeen.  “I thought that it was all a part of the Dine in for £10 offer”, you will state.  And then they’ll press the Total button and say, “Oh yes, I hadn’t pressed the Total button”.  This happens every time.  Just press the Total button!  We know we’re saving money, we don’t need you to remind us of that every time we buy the meal deal – that’s why we’re buying the bloody meal deal in the first place.  All you’re accomplishing by reminding us of the money we’ve saved is to make the widow in the queue behind us cry.

7.  The Third Pie.  Marks and Spencer does something further to confound us all.  As a part of their 2 for £10 menu Marks and Spencer offer a key lime pie.  Which comes in three portions.  Why three?  We’ve already established that there’s only room for two people in this meal, what do they want us to do, fight over it?  Go outside and scour the streets for a total stranger to hand it to as a random act of kindness?  Perhaps they think we’re so abominably cruel that we’ll invite a dinner-guest – a single dinner-guest – round to watch us consume the rest of the menu before we reward them with a tiny dessert?  I know this for certain; cats will not eat key lime pie, no matter how much cat food you mix in with it, so what’s with the third pie, Marks and Spencer?  The third pie is sinister, frustrating and baffling.  As is the rest of the Dine in for £10 deal.

*No. (But your conscience will surely have told you that already).

 

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101 Comments

  1. I have never heard such tripe (do M&S sell that? it’s quite nice).

  2. Hah! Nice trolling. :-)

  3. I would just like to point out to you, that I am 70 and walk 5 miles a day am not a tiny little person who cannot decide what to eat, you are an extremely rude individual, just remember this little fact ONE DAY – IF YOU ARE LUCKY – YOU TOO WILL BE OVER 50 AND TO QUOTE YOU A GREY HAIRED TINY PERSON.

  4. Excellent! Eat yer heart out Jeremy Clarkson…

  5. As a single person, I can tell you that actually you can take advantage of the deal by simply inviting a friend over for dinner or offering to take the food if you are invited to a friend’s place. As for the key lime dessert, girls always want a second but boys aren’t meant to have a sweet tooth so one is always enough (not discriminating, merely generalising) and if a girl is dining with a friend of the female kind then sharing is what it’s all about so in fact three will be perfect. About the kids thing – why would you want to feed your kids adult sized portions because quite simply that will add to the ever-growing (excuse the pun) childhood obesity problem in this Country. So, in summary I think it’s fantastic that M&S and other shops offer these types of deals to help save people money whilst still eating very well. Oh and one last thing, if you ae so hung up on the 3 key lime issue then go to Waitrose because they do it in packs of two, the issue though is that they give you one (yes, one) box of chocolates with the deal and you don’t sound like a sharing type of person so no guesses as to who will get the one (yes, one) box of chocolates

  6. How much time did you spend writing that? Probably as much time for you to go and an earn and tenner and dip your hand in those pockets and stop thinking so much. It’s a meal, for 2 for a tenner- deal with it!!

    Ditch the kids for a night or get a mrs!

  7. Your review! You really have a problem!! See your doctor asap

  8. What tosh. My husband, two children and I frequently manage (with a few extra veg) to make a dine in for £10 meal feed four of us (usually with a chicken).

    We also split it up so we have the veg that comes with it with something else.

  9. To buy a meal solely for one person would cost less than £10 on average. To buy a meal for 2 would cost more as there is more food. This review is a totally ridiculous. Get a life man

  10. I applaud you sir, good show good show. sarcasm

  11. I see that my idiotic second personality has overcome its anger issue and has transformed it into sarcasm. Tut Tut.
    Bravo to you sir, bravo.

  12. I’m 20, every so often with my girlfriend if this deal is on we’ll go in, choose some good food and a bottle of wine, take it all home make an easy, tasty dinner while watching a movie and then having sex

    I really hope when I’m older I don’t fall into having such a mundane life that this is the kind of thing that ruins my day to the point where I write a blog about it. Everything on this list is such a tiny inconvenience that you’re just bickering about, this does not in anyway justify more than a moments thought of annoyance

  13. IF YOU’RE TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY PLEASE GET OFF OF THE INTERNET THANK YOU AND GOODBYE

  14. What total rubbish – you must be lost for something to do – get a life!

  15. This post came up on a google search and I thought “Oh no!! There must be something terribly wrong with the deal!!”
    Thank you for putting my mind at ease.

  16. Comment

  17. Repetition repetition repetition. Shame you can’t use your time a little more profitably! It’s an offer, all supermtkets do it in one way or another, get a life and I do feel very sorry for your wife! She must have ear ache!!!!!!!!!!

  18. This is utter nonsense. How can you devote so much time and effort into something so pathetically trivial. Do you really have nothing better to do with your life. You must be a nightmare to live with!

  19. Brilliant, thoroughly enjoyed this. I will be in Cwmbran Marks and Sparks tomorrow probably doing everything that this man comments about. I am a widow aged 59 and will have a good chuckle as I um and ah over what to choose – I will be so disappointed if all the pannecotta has already been spoken for!

    Thanks for cheering me up.

  20. I haven’t laughed so much in ages, now have to do my make up again before I go to work, thanks for a lovely morning start

  21. As much fun as I had reading this blog post, there is clearly more fun to be had reading all the daft comments that follow!! Clearly if you are disgruntled by this you are extremely lacking in the mental skill to break down a simple entertaining blog post with irony, sarcasm and wit in mind. Clearly this is written for fun and for a chuckle. If you cannot work that out from the post, then how about just reading the blog title? “The HUMOUR site with 7 reasons for just about everything” red faces at the ready.

  22. You seriously have way too much time on your hands – i’m sure M&S won’t be too phased that you don’t like their offer.

    Imbecile.

  23. LOL very good but sadly I dont have a problem with the deal I just eat the f***in lot…. yum yum ;-)

  24. What rubbish! We are two in our family, but by choosing a whole chicken fruit pie or profiterole stack, we can feed three or four if necessary, or have two meals ourselves. Very good value!

  25. Thoroughly enjoyed reading that. rhod gilbert eat your heart out!. Can’t believe people can’t see it’s a bit of fun. Lighten up. Loved it.

  26. What a wally,likes to read all about himself, himself, (HIMSELF being the optimum word.)
    Would a baby dummy help??

  27. Moan moan moan…. can you not just appreciate the good value of this deal. Your reasons are due to your taste and inability to compromise… You must have such high blood pressure if these small little inconveniences ruin your day and make you write a full blog on this matter, do you not have anything better to do!? Also, if you were to have a child, this deal wouldn’t suit… the clue is in the title “Dine in for Two”… I would go on but I only managed to read as far as the child reason….

    Rant over!

  28. What an absolute moron! If you don’t like it, shop somewhere else – not one of your 7 points carries any substance and I’m quite sure M&S would be delighted if you never set foot in one of their stores again, I say again, MORON! I’m buying a dine in for two tonight and cannot wait!

  29. you need to get a life or end it

  30. I would just like to say to you that I am a tall,dark 57 year old woman who would probably beat you around the track! Please don’t typecast people as age will catch up with you one day.

  31. You are a moran I would take the same time that you took to write this absurd argument but you arent worth it you are one of the people who make this world negative! Enjoy your meal deal and your 3rd pie.

  32. Fantastic article.

  33. Enjoyed this. I see the paradox of cheap deals at an upmarket store.

  34. Yawn… again

    M&S upmarket? Well, at least they keep the prols out of Waitrose

  35. Well done, the article was almost as funny (and ironic) as the comments of one Miss (for that she must be) [email protected] , my new email buddy.

    YOU ARE A MORAN!

    Superb, awesome and wonderful.

    Are any of these comments real?

  36. ageist idiot

  37. Comment

  38. Light hearted sense of humour, dont take life to serious you might not comeout alive, the best medicine in life to be able to laught at yourself.

  39. Obviously your wife has bland taste! You are bland and boring! How does she suffer you?

    You must have lots time to write this garbage – get a life!

    As for Grey You will be there faster than you know it !

  40. Just to reiterate IF YOU’RE TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY PLEASE GET OFF OF THE INTERNET THANK YOU AND GOODBYE

  41. OMG – absolutely hilarious! The funniest thing I have read in ages – I have tears running down my cheeks! Granted, mainly because of the superb wittiness of the piece that had me giggling out loud but I must reserve some tears for the poor bastards with no sense of humour whatsoever that saw fit to whinge and argue in response to an article that is placed on a page named ‘humour site’. Come on people, see it for what it is!
    I think the deal is fantastic value, but I can still laugh!

  42. Absolutely hillarious. Lovedt his. Love the humour. Will be off to buy my dine in tor 2 tomorrow laughing all the way.

  43. The absolute funniest thing I have read in ages! You should be writing a newspaper column

  44. I’ts “Dine in for TWO” the clue is in the caption!!!!

  45. I laughed out loud. You are a very funny man. I’m stunned there are so many ‘morons’ and ‘idiots’ who think your points are literal.

  46. Somebody trying very hard to be witty with no success, Marks and Spencer give very good value in their £10 dine in and you are not forced to but–Didn’t you know?

  47. Sorry, didn’t want the last comment on this to be a rather dull one by someone who is upset M&S suffered an extremely mild ribbing. .
    I was actually only trying to get the advert copy for the M&S offer, stumbled across this and enjoy it immensely. Hasn’t helped my research unfortunately, can you write some Ad copy in the style of a meal deal for £10? Much appreciated.

  48. Like previous writr this just came up on google. Read with interest. Funny. But if you are really serious teh meal mean a bit of a treat and to be honest we all eat however old we are. We are a young couple and enjoy a dine in every now and again to save cooking preparing etc. i have taken this as tongue in cheek as most people have, I hope the blogger has too. Oh and by the way I don’t see too many tiney old grey people in my store! Like a previous blogger said, we all get there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL Have fund

  49. You need help

  50. So true
    Those same people blocking the path are also the ones who oblivious to anyone else on earth stand having a conversation blocking the entrance/ exit.
    Plenty of sad people taking exception. The truth hurts!!

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