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7 Reasons That Sparkling Water is Better Than Still

Posted on January 31, 2011 in Posts | 4 comments

A photograph of the bubbles in carbonated water

1.  You Can Put Fruit In It. I’m perfectly aware, of course, that you can put fruit into still water too.  But if you do that, then you tend to look a bit weird; it looks like a bit of an affectation.  But you can put fruit in sparkling water anytime you like without anyone batting an eyelid.  It has to be the right type of fruit though, a wedge of lemon or lime, for example.  If you chuck a banana in there – or a tomato – you’ll look quite mad.

2.  You Can’t Drink It Too Fast.  Being carbonated, sparkling water is almost impossible to drink too fast – you just end up full of gas and burping for England (I wonder if people of other nations also represent England when they use this expression?).  So, basically the major consequence of drinking too much sparkling water too quickly is a comedic one.  But if you drink too much still water too quickly, the consequence is death; from water intoxication.  So, sparkling water leads to burping and still water leads to death.  Hmm, decisions, decisions.

3.  Cats Won’t Drink It.  If you pour yourself a glass of still water and leave it lying around then cats will often try and drink it.*  Well, there’s nothing wrong with that, you’re probably thinking, my cat’s a loveable and hygienic animal. But wait!  How do cats drink?  With their horrible, hideous, velcro cat-tongues, that’s how.  And what does your cat spend most of its time doing with its horrible, hideous, velcro cat-tongue?  That’s right, licking its own bottom.  So by sticking its tongue into your drink, your cat might as well be defecating into it.  Would you want to drink it then?**  Cats don’t do this with sparkling water, of course.  Firstly, it often contains citrus fruit (which cats hate), and secondly, in many cases it frightens them (they don’t like getting wet while drinking it).

4.  It’s Easier To Find.  Ever tried to find a glass of still water in the dark?  No, of course not.  You probably have more interesting things to do in darkened rooms than finding glasses of water.  But I haven’t, and I can reveal to you that sparkling water is far easier to find in the dark than still water, being more easily apparent to the auricular senses.

5.  It’s Cooler.  Not temperature wise, though I imagine that the freezing point of sparkling water would be marginally lower than that of still water due to the bubbles agitating the liquid causing its transformation to a solid to take longer***.   But no, it’s cooler.  What would you rather be seen swigging from when cruising down the Via Giulia in Roma in a dark suit or pencil skirt on your Vespa, a bottle of San Pellegrino or a tap containing Severn-Trent?

6.  It Effervesces.  It moves!  Now, moving can be a desirable feature; who among us hasn’t berated a car for not moving at some time or other?  And, by way of adding balance, moving can also be an undesirable feature; if you leave the same car in the car park and it moves while you’re away, you’re going to be pretty damned cross.  But moving water is good.  Because still water stagnates, and moving water doesn’t.  Would you drink the contents of a little-disturbed pond?  No.  Would you drink the contents of a fast-flowing mountain stream?  Yes.  Movement – in terms of water – is a desirable feature.

7.  Aesthetics.  I know what I’d rather look at while I’m sitting in my living room sipping water.  Yes, the television.  But in the unlikely event that I wasn’t allowed to look at the television/out of the window/at the cat/at my right knee/at album covers/at the owl cushions, I’d far rather look at a glass of sparkling water than still water, no matter how deep the latter runs.

*This is assuming you have a cat.  If you don’t have one, it won’t attract any.

**No!  Why did you even have to scroll down to check the answer?

***Blimey.  Science!

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  1. Firstly: Cats aren’t nearly as dirty as you describe them. Secondly: My cat seems to like carbonated water.
    Thirdly: I share water with my cat all the time, she’s clean.
    Fourthly: But not with the fat cat who eats squirrels.

  2. I think you’ll find if you had still water the cat would most likely finish it meaning you wouldn’t even get to drink the germ infested beverage whereas if you had a glass of carbonated water lying around it would have stuck its tongue in & then legged it meaning you’ll be taking on all of its filth.

  3. This article is so full of derp it’s down-right hilarious
    The fuck is the difference of putting fruit in still, or carbonated water?
    Why would it look any different? and are people just walking around gazing wildly into your water bottles?
    Crazy arbitrary reasons.
    This is just goofy.

  4. I doubt the author is being serious. The reason people put citrus fruit in sparkling water is that it offers health benefits, as well as making the water tasty. I’ve become a fan of lime flavor La Croix sparkling water recently. I’ve never heard the term burping for England before, but my knowledge of British culture stops at Dr. Who. So basically, I’m just very wary of stone angels now.

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