7 Reasons to get an Archipod
This, in case you haven’t seen one before, is an archipod. It’s a home office that you can put in your garden. This is why you need one.
1. External Aesthetics. Look at it. Just look at it! It’s amazing. It’s a pod that looks like a giant beehive. It’s got a door that opens upwards like a DeLorean or a gull-wing Mercedes or a spaceship or something. It has a porthole. A porthole! It looks like the coolest thing in the world; the only things that could possibly improve it would be a searchlight and a diamond-tipped funnel made of titanium.
2. Internal Aesthetics. Inside, it looks like a cross between a Japanese capsule hotel, a Kubrickian spacecraft and an igloo. It’s got a porthole there too! And a semi-circular command station…er…desk. Did I mention how cool it looks?
3. Name. It’s called an archipod, which is a portmanteau word consisting of archi from architect and pod, which comes from pod. But look at what else it contains. It says ipod in the middle of it. This means that all Apple-obsessives, or most-of-my-friends, as I call them, will believe that it’s the most desirable thing in the world; more desirable than a suit of armour; more desirable than a yacht; more desirable than a Fender Telecaster; more desirable than Jennifer Aniston. It even looks like something Apple would make. But I want one too. So it must be better than anything by Apple. And it is, because it’s an archipod!
4. Price. I have absolutely no idea how much an archipod costs. But if they were asking for all of the money in the world I’m fairly certain that someone would have told me, and they haven’t, so it’s clearly a bargain that’s worth every penny.
5. Roundness. Now, I have to be honest: It’s not totally spherical, and that’s something of a disappointment. But if it was a pure sphere, it might roll away, and then you’d have to ask the neighbours if they’d seen your archipod and they’d say, “You have an archipod? Wow, that’s so cool!”. And you’d have to explain that no, you’d lost your archipod, and then you’d be the cretin who lost the archipod (coolest thing in the world) and you would become a social pariah; an object of ridicule; a veritable leper; the neighbourhood reject, cast out of decent society into a hellish solitude of eternal archipod-loss-induced squalor, damnation, misery and…sorry, I digress. Anyway, that the floor is flat is probably a good thing as the archipod will always be where you left it. The rest of it is round, which means that, unlike conventional offices, you can’t have a notice-board covered with dreary “motivational” posters on the wall and no one can put a half-dead pot plant in the corner, because there aren’t any. Corners that is. I have loads of half-dead pot plants if anyone needs one,
6. Foil. The archipod is insulated with foil and to many crazy people, this foil-lining would be seen as a desirable feature that would stop the gamma-rays affecting their brains. It may currently appear that I am one of them but I can assure you that the only things affecting my brain at the moment are the archipod and an espresso – a double archipod with sugar and a biscotti.
7. Inspiration. Here at 7 Reasons we know that there are always seven reasons for everything, but I can’t think of a seventh reason to get an archipod. This is because I’m writing this in a rectangular room full of books and a cat. If I were writing in cooler and more inspirational environs such as…let me see…an archipod, for example, I’d be able to think of one easily. Oh, there you go, that’s the seventh reason to get one. That’s the wondrous power of the archipod: Even thinking of one provides inspiration. Right, I’m off to put my family on ebay now* and to have a lie down.**
*Details on how you can contribute to the Buy The 7 Reasons Team An Archipod Fund will be available soon.
**There’s no particular reason to mark that, I just don’t feel that I’ve said archipod enough yet. Archipod. Archipod! IT’S THE ARCHIPOD! There, that’s better.