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7 Reasons I Shouldn’t Have Seen This Picture Of Russell Crowe

Posted on May 18, 2010 in Posts | 3 comments

A picture of Russell Crowe in his Roman costume from the film Gladiator

1. Lips. Well, Russell looks manly and scary as always.  But there’s something strange about his lips.  They look a little red, don’t they?  They strike a feminine note in an otherwise masculine portrait.  That’s what inspired me to do this:

A picture of Russell Crowe in his Gladiator costume with make up

 

2.  Head. There, that’s better.  But there’s something else bothering me.  In the original photo, the top of his head’s missing.  Now I could try to blend in some hair to make it appear that he has a complete head but that’s tricky and time-consuming, and I have a simpler idea:

A picture of Russell Crowe in the costume from the film Gladiator with make up and a hat.

3.  Accessorise. Okay ladies, now I’m sure you’ve all noticed that the hat looks a little out of place as it doesn’t go with the rest of his outfit.  What he needs is something else to compliment it.  Don’t worry, I’ve sorted it.

A picture of Russell Crowe in his Gladiator costume with make up, a hat and a handbag.

4.  Legs. Russell has no legs in the picture either.  Now, there’s nothing wrong with having a missing limb – as these amazing guys are preparing to demonstrate – but we know that Crowe has two of them.  Never mind, I can get some from the internet.

5.  Background. So there you go, Russell’s finished.  But what about that dreary background?  I’ll put him somewhere else.

6.  Words. Not quite finished yet, we need some words to complete the picture.  I’m a little tired now, what with all of the photoshopping, so I’ll need some help with that.  This is now officially a caption competition.  Put them in the comments section and we’ll add the best entry to the picture.

 

7.  Danger. You might think that it’s foolhardy to lampoon a notoriously angry and volatile man like Russell Crowe, but how hard can he be?  My name’s Jonathan Lee, and I’m not scared in the slightest.

The 7 Reasons sofa with an arrow pointing to British writer and humourist, Jonathan Lee

**********Update**********

We were inundated by both entries to the caption competition and it was hard to pick a winner.  But there can only be one and the winner is…Robert A. Foot with this entry.

 

Sailor 1: There’s something not right about that woman over there. Sailor 2: Yeah, her accent keeps changing every 3 minutes.

Thanks very much, Rob and Daryl, for your entries.   You’ve both won a place on our prestigious (though seldom updated) Links page.

 

 

 

 

 

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3 Comments

  1. “Hello sailor, let me tell you how I’m going to bring the lion out of your lamb.”
    .-= darylhb´s last blog ..A Debate (Part Two) – Justice or Fairness? =-.

  2. Sailor 1: There’s something not right about that woman over there..
    Sailor 2: Yeah, her accent keeps changing every 3 minutes.

  3. That makes him being put in a cage with other men not seem like such a punishment to him.

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