7 Reasons To Leave The Party
1. Your crocodile costume has made several people laugh and has got you a lot of attention, but it turns out that you’re not at a fancy dress party.
2. It turns out that the man you took an instant dislike to earlier because he was “an unctuous pillock…wandering about like he owns the place” is your host and does, in fact, own the place.
3. The attractive young lady that you’ve been eyeing up all night and are using your wittiest conversation on turns out to be a lesbian who is making eyes at a girl on the other side of the living room when she thinks that you’re not looking.
4. The strange and deeply dull man that has been leering at you all evening has trapped you in conversation in the living room (well, an unfunny and slightly bizarre monologue, anyway). You frantically throw “rescue me” glances to your best friend who is standing alone on the other side of the room, which she ignores.
5. You are alone on one side of the living room. Your best friend has abandoned you and is engaged in conversation with a cute guy on the other side of the room. She keeps glancing over to make sure that you’ve noticed. Bitch!
6. With about an hour to go until New Year you receive a phone call from a friend inquiring as to your whereabouts. You look around at your fellow guests and it slowly dawns on you that you don’t know any of them.
7. There is a magician.
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