7 Reasons That Sir Alex Ferguson Should Retire
1. It would give the other managers a chance. Seriously, he just keeps winning stuff.
2. We would get to see Manchester United playing in white. It’s a little known fact that Manchester United’s shirt is actually white, it only appears to be red when bathed in the glow from Fergie’s nose.
3. He’s won so many matches and titles. Why can’t he celebrate any better than this?
He’s a rubbish celebrator.
4. When someone retires it’s customary to present them with a watch. Fergie obviously needs one of these. Have you seen him during injury time? He clearly can’t tell the difference between nine seconds and an hour.
5. If Fergie retired then Alan Green wouldn’t prefix every comment about him on 606 with the words “I’ve got nothing against Sir Alex as a manager, but…”. That’s eleven words Alan Green wouldn’t have to say, thus bringing Alan Green eleven words closer to not speaking altogether.
6. Fergie’s talents are clearly needed at home. His postman is unfit, his milkman’s always too early or too late and his local newsagent never has the right cards.
7. If Fergie retired then giving someone the hairdryer would, once more, be a benevolent and selfless act that ladies would applaud.
Do you have additional reasons? Feel free to share them with us in the comments section below. We like comments.