7 Reasons to Support the Postal Strike
1. There will be no post and, as a result, no bills will be delivered. This means that everything will be free. Your gas and electricity will be free. Everything you buy using a credit card will be free. There will be no bank statements so you can’t be overdrawn. Result!
2. My postman’s a whistler. He’s awful, he might be whistling tunes by The Average White Band, Perry Como or Beyonce, I can’t quite tell. Now I won’t have to.
3. The weekly letter addressed to “The Householder” from Virgin Media that offers you cheaper broadband and cable television will not arrive. There are 24.7 million households in the U.K. That means that there will be 24.7 million fewer thoughts per week about Richard Branson. That’s definitely progress.
4. The Royal Mail use red elastic bands. While there is no post none of these will be used. As a consequence the Royal Mail will order fewer red elastic bands. This will lead to a surplus which may prompt their manufacturers to put them on sale to the general public, thus making our elastic band balls more colourful (i.e. not light brown).
5. We won’t have to send birthday cards. This means that we can never forget to send a birthday card. Also, we won’t have to buy birthday cards so we will never have to visit a Clinton Cards ever again. We can just write “Happy Birthday chum” on a Facebook profile and be done with the whole business.
6. Better marital harmony. If you’re browsing on Ebay late at night, after a pint or two, the goods that you buy (which are now free, remember) will not be delivered, thus avoiding a row with my (sorry, your) wife (husband/spouse/partner/significant other/special friend/cat).
7. Postal workers are popular with dogs. Every year there are approximately 826 dog related injuries between the gate and the front door. It’s so needless. I used to live up the road from a dog. Bloody big thing it was. And it often went for the postal workers. No wonder they started disguising themselves as milkmen.
Do you have additional reasons, praise or insights? Share them with us in the comments section. All criticism and negative responses are taken far more seriously and can be posted to:
P.O. Box 94